Journal Entries

Recipe for Disaster


1 new couch
1 satellite tv remote
1 cat
1 bowl of soup

Mix together and add cold water, towels, stain remover, a blow dryer and panic. Shake well and serve!

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Latest reply: Dec 17, 2003

The New & Improved Oprah Book Club

Oprah's reopening the doors to her book club again. I know everyone made fun of the original version saying, rightly or wrongly, she was boosting the popularity of middling authors and making stars out of hacks. I agree with that for the most part, but I think any effort by anyone to expand and encourage Americans' reading habits is a good thing. It ended last year because Jonathan Franzen's book "The Corrections" was an Oprah pick. He was insulted by its inclusion on her list, felt his work was of a higher artistic quality and complained loudly about it in public. I started it, and frankly I only got to page twenty. He was quite lucky to have Oprah look at it at all. I know I couldn't.

Now Oprah's back, and she's introducing Americans to the classics. First on her list is John Steinbeck's "East of Eden". He is a favorite author of mine, and I dearly hope her viewers enjoy his work as much as I do. If anyone complains about *this* new club, they're a complete cretin.

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Latest reply: Jun 18, 2003


At dinner the other night, my best friend reminded me that I am now officially "thirty-something", not unlike the whiny yuppie twits on the television program of the same name. My response to this observation was to make a barfing noise. This program initially went on air when I was a sophomore in high school. I loathed it. If I ever start acting like any of those self-indulgent nitwits, somebody kill me.

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Latest reply: Mar 3, 2003

Flotsam and Jetsam

Of late, I haven't contributed much to the guide other than blather, conjecture, gossip and inanity. Come to think of it, I haven't contributed much of anything *anywhere*. That's because I've been in ill health for quite awhile and have not wanted to discuss it with anyone. A final consultation with the doctors after months of tests revealed the source(s) of my very private agony: hypertension, insulin resistance and polycystic ovary syndrome. All are the symptoms of each other, which makes for an exciting synergy of malady, better than that found at AOL/Time Warner.

So I was slapped on medication and a new diet to ward off the inevitable diabetes type 2 soon to occur if I don't get my act together. The medication makes me feel smiley - weird at times. I can't arise very quickly from a seated or prone position without feeling smiley - drunk and if I don't get enough fluids in a day, I end up nearly passing out from dehydration. The diet will be a wonder for my general health if I can ever get over the heartbreak of being denied my beloved potatoes, breads, baked goods and salt. My last meal, as it were, the night before my diagnosis was a big stack of lovely, salty, buttery potato pancakes. I knew what was to come and I knew I would miss them more than smiley - cake or smiley - donut.

It's been a week now and I am starting to reap the benefits of being on a strict regimen. I do yoga three times a week to limber up my poor battered body and I've lost ten pounds from a combination of medicine and diet. My doctor predicted I will be in optimum health six months from now and feel much better within a month. I desperately hope so. I am tired of being sick and tired. Usually, I never pay attention to astrology because I find it hard to believe that an smiley - planet in outer space has the slightest bit of control over my personality, let alone my future. However, my horoscope last week in my favorite local newspaper was very timely. It was a quote from a Buddhist teacher: "When your desire to change is greater than your desire to stay the same, then you will change."

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Latest reply: Jan 14, 2003

Debt-free and Nervous

Last Friday I paid off my car. I am now officially debt-free, off the grid, out of the in-debt consumer culture loop. Of course, to celebrate I went right out and spent a great wad of money on a pair of black leather boots in the window of Hide & Sole that I've had my eye on for awhile. The is the second car that I have paid off in my life. The first, a Subaru, broke down within a year of my making the last payment to the lender. The computer brain decided that it was no longer necessary to operate in any meaningful way. Since the price of repair was more than the car was worth I sold it to a pair of college students who claimed they would get it running again. I have yet to see it around town.

These days I'm hearing a certain rattle--a death rattle, perhaps--in the muffler and an increase in mysterious stains on the inside of the roof. There's an enigmatic smell coming from under the hood when I turn the ignition off and flocks of vultures gather 'round when I pull into a parking lot. Now that my Mazda is entirely mine I expect major repairs, if not automobile death, sometime in the remainder of the calendar year.

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Latest reply: Sep 30, 2002

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