h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I thought I'd leave you a nice message to make up for the nasty one you got before.

I'd like to add my caption for your caption competition in this weeks Friday News:

"Watch out lads, Ashley's got that look in his eye again. Bums to the floor."

Thank you

Good caption by the way, I'd post it on my news but it'd probably not last long ... although the mentions of threesomes, willies and general smuttiness aren't doing too badly.

I know. That Burnley lot are a filthy bunch aren't they? I like them.

They never used to be like that. I can't think what changed them

Just the very sniff of a beautiful woman and men go crazy.

And by sniff I mean lovely perfume not like some rancid stench. I'm a charmer aren't I? If I try hard enough I could probably remember your favourite perfume too. It's that pink one isn't it?

I'm charmed. Yes it is, but you only remember because your wife wears it Am I charming for remembering that?

Your mention of vile stench reminds me of the story I told yesterday about my flatmate and the desperate woman ...

"Am I charming for remembering that?"

You are indeed. Although she's recently been wearing DKNY Be Delicious I believe. I never knew any of these sort of things when I was single. I miss those innocent days.

Why do I get the feeling you bring up the story about your flatmate at every available opportunity?

I should clarify. I don't miss being single, I miss not knowing about perfume and the like.

I know what you meant, don't worry.

Well, it could be because he's also my ex, and the very thought of it fills me with a deep joy. And it only happened last weekend, so I'm not yet bored of telling everyone I vaguely know. I can't believe I didn't find a way to post in on the monster thread

I'm surprised it wasn't the main topic in your Friday news thread.

Do you feel a bit naughty having a conversation behind everyone elses backs? How long do you think it'll be before someone discovers us?

It feels a bit wierd! But I kind of like it ... I think they're going to be pretty mad when - IF - they find out. Shall we see how long we can keep it going? I don't check people's profiles on here like I do on 606, there's far too much confusing stuff on them.

I should have written about it in the Friday news Another missed opportunity. Still, that full page ad in the Sunday papers should do the trick

"Still, that full page ad in the Sunday papers should do the trick"

Remind me never to cross you!

I occasionally go into peoples profiles as a quick way to link to 606 to see if anything interesting is happening over there. Then I automatically click on Member Page and get the blank screen of death. It's quite upsetting.

I feel for you It would be like losing a leg if I couldn't get on 606, not that I even go on there that much, but I like to know my Burnley guys are there waiting for me I'm so needy!!

I'm going home now, but look forward to resuming this intimate chat at another time in the working week

As time goes on I miss 606 less and less. That's mainly 'cos I can still chat to you lot here though.

Have a good weekend. Get nice and drunk.

Morning!!

It's Monday again ... is it me or are there more Monday mornings in the week than any other time of day? They seem to be coming round with increasing regularity

Good weekend?

Morning, I've also noticed the frightening regularity of monday mornings. Not only that they also seem to last twice as long as any other morning.

My weekend was pretty good, managed to drink a decent amount of alcohol and somehow come out of it all without any hangovers. Textbook stuff.

How was yours?

I had a pretty standard weekend, although it was considerably brightened by a box of white wine, and wins for Arsenal, Burnley & Carlisle, plus a hard-fought draw for Barrow. Also Ricky Groves survived Strictly, which made me doubly happy (I was pretty intoxicated by this point though, as I started drinking when Arsenal kicked off).

It's hard work following all these teams!

Yeah I can barely keep up with one. I was planning on following a Scottish team this year but I couldn't even be bothered to check the scores in the first week of the season.

Who's Ricky Groves? I'm so out of touch!

Gary from Eastenders. He's lovely. Well, if you like sweaty, bumbling men who can't be taken seriously ... which is just my type

Ooh I do know who he is then.

Sweaty and bumbling eh? How will you ever find a man with both those qualities?