This is the Message Centre for Fragilis - h2g2 Cured My Tabular Obsession

A question

Post 1

Phil Rose esq

Hello. Can I ask a question of you? In the Business Forum whatnot doodah you used the acronym FYI. I've wracked my brain and I can't think what it means. What does it stand for? It's irritating me.
Incidentally I thought you were utterly right in the message in which it appears. There's little more irritating than having one's characteristics used as a means by others to get their family off their backs. That sentence was a bit convoluted.
Anyway, enough.
Hope you're well and the sun id shining as it is here in Scotchland.
Please enlighten me!
Phil


A question

Post 2

Fragilis - h2g2 Cured My Tabular Obsession

FYI stands for "for your information." It is commonly used on the internet, but not elsewhere.

I highly recommend the Internet Acronyms Dictionary for future use. It is the first listing if you search in Google for "internet acronyms." It has helped me many times with people who use much more obscure acronyms than I!

And I agree with you. Prejudiced straight people will cry foul if they find out a gay person has gained their favor by failing to identify themselves. But they feel it is perfectly okay to put on the wrong sexual identity hat for trivial reasons.


A question

Post 3

Phil Rose esq

Thanks for that. I guess I will have to bookmark that dictionary but as a priggish Brit I shall stick to spelling out every expression in full. I am amused by the lol acronym and the way in which it was so rapidly cheapened and converted to mean simply approval and hence came lmao and that in its turn lost its meaning and was extrended to lmfao. Where will it end? nrirdlmaonimi (No really I really did laugh my ass (meaning donkey, please don't moderate me) off, no I mean it.)
You're so right about the prejudices of people, some people seem to want others to advertise their sexuality at every turn. Pink triangle anyone? And they also seem desperate to label themselves. 'Dear Abby, I fancy my male friend, am I gay?' You know the sort. My ex wife worked in a shop selling leather goods and watches and the like and people would regularly come in and ask 'is this a mans wallet or a womans?' What an odd question. You like the wallet? Well buy it, you schmuck and get out! I myself often find myself trying to categorise myself. 'I fancy men and women but haven't had a homosexual encounter for years and am engaged for the second time, am I still bi? If I have to give up my bi status where do I hand in my badge and is there a charge for cancelling my subscription?'
After 3 minutes or so of pondering this I usually slap myself in the face and go and do something useful.
This h2g2 may be restrictive but there certainly seems to be a lot of good stuff here and a definite lack of 'hiya, hiya' people who just want to say 'hiya' to each other. Perhaps the quality control might have its place. Hmm.
Phil


A question

Post 4

Fragilis - h2g2 Cured My Tabular Obsession

Keep to your staunch rules for vocabulary, then. More power to you! smiley - biggrin Americans enjoy butchering the language, so I'll continue with my petty acronyms for at least a while longer.

I think my biggest frustration is with people who absolutely must know the gender of a baby, even before they are born, to feel comfortable. It's as if they don't know how to react to a child unless it has gender. But if you think about it a moment, you quickly realize that the child doesn't realize its gender and it doesn't particularly matter either. It's not as if the baby is trying to hook up with other 3-month-olds for fun and pleasure, eh? A baby's a baby. They're pretty similar.

Are you still bi? Of course, you would tend to know better than I would. But I would answer by asking whether you still fantasize about both genders now and again, whether you find random people on the street from both genders attractive, whether you consider you might date/whatever either gender if for some reason your current engagement didn't work out. Your sexuality doesn't go away when it isn't acted upon. Otherwise, celibate people and virgins would have no sexuality. And we all know (from remembering our virginity if nothing else) that this is anything but true.

I'm glad you're enjoying h2g2. You like it for pretty much the same reasons I do. Less noise, and more interesting discussion. Just FYI, if you look at my personal space you'll see I'm working on a project on sexual orientation right now. So if you want to pop by and give input, that would be super. If not, I'll blame your fiance. smiley - tongueout


A question

Post 5

Phil Rose esq

I do still fantasize about pretty much anyone! I fancy both sexes in the street though probably 70/30 in favour of women and I would act upon my instincts were I single. I don't know that I'd want to go out with a man on a steady basis but if the right guy came along I would probably do it. The reason for my doubt is pathetically cowardly and hinges around the reaction of society and not wanting to be pigeon holed. Another major beef of mine is the kind of tosser (can I refer to pancake chefs on this site?) who bangs on about society now being orientated in favour of homosexuals. This view is more prevelant than is credible. God, that makes me mad.
I'm off to your site now to have a scout around.
Incidentally, have you watched Chasing Amy? I thought it was the most insightful film (or book or anything really (except perhaps Torch Song Trilogy)) about homosexuality/gender stereotyping/the dumb way that men view women that I've seen.
Phil


A question

Post 6

Fragilis - h2g2 Cured My Tabular Obsession

You're not alone when it comes to fears and concerns regarding orientation. I knew a fellow once who refused to label his orientation, because he was uncomfortable with *all* the socially assigned roles. Since he was a rather handsome gent, this caused a lot of confusion. But really, he seemed to like causing ripples of frustration around him.

I also talked with a woman once who insisted she was "panssexual." When pressed, she went on to admit attractions to both genders, and in addition fantasies about fictional characters, erotic thoughts on broad concepts like 'sunlight,' and unusual experiences with inanimate objects! I sure can't top that.

Even among people who call themselves bisexual, there's really a huge variation. According to Robert Klein's book on the subject, about half of bisexual people are in longterm monogamous relationships like you. So you should certainly be able to fit it. smiley - winkeye The rest are having casual sex, joined in polygamous unions, bouncing from one gender to another in shortterm serial monogamy, and who knows what else.

Personally, I've crossed the invisible barrier to become the profoundly celibate bisexual that causes so much confusion for mainstream society. And by golly, it's more fun than I thought it would be.

Society in favor of homosexuals? I've yet to hear that one. It sounds like just another case of sour grapes over increases in civil rights, or perhaps a new take on "the grass is always greener on the other side." From where I'm standing, it seems both sides have their share of ugly brown patches that aren't likely to go away soon. Oh, well.

I love Chasing Amy, as a matter of fact. I like all the Kevin Smith movies to a greater or lesser extent. I managed to see him at a comic book convention, and he really is a lot like Silent Bob in his dress and mannerisms. He seemed shy and put upon by all the attention, so I decided merely to observe a few minutes and walk on. I think Chasing Amy is underrated, probably because too many people can't see far enough beyond the social roles to get it.


A question

Post 7

Phil Rose esq

Aye, too true hen as they say in Glasgow.
I know that in America homosexuality and gender seperation is even more frowned upon and encouraged in that order.
Wen my fiancee (Andrea) was over at Easter she took a whole load of my clothes back with her in preparation for when I move over there. I referred to some shirts as blouses (which they are, big girls blouses! Flowery and translucent, oh I'm so pretty in them) and she said she loved that I called them that but thhat very very few American men would refer to anything they wore as a blouse due to the fact that 'men wear shirts and ladies wear blouses.' I'm lookng forward to setting these people's hair on fire.
Is this kind of insecurity your experence or is Andrea living in a very sheltered world?
Phil


A question

Post 8

Fragilis - h2g2 Cured My Tabular Obsession

It's my experience also. It takes a certain amount of bravery to challenge gender roles in America. Lots of people are this brave. (I wear men's shirts myself now and again.) But many others remain squeamish. And indeed, I do get funny looks on the street when looking my most 'butch.' Still, it's not as if my gender is ever a question.


A question

Post 9

Phil Rose esq

Hurray! People in Britain never get shocked. America sounds like a lot more fun. Or possibly more violent! Let's hope for the former and not the latter. Whereabouts in US are you?


A question

Post 10

Fragilis - h2g2 Cured My Tabular Obsession

Trans people, leather folk, punks, and goths share a game here called "freak the mundanes." The idea is to cause the most confusion and concern among ordinary citizens possible. I don't know if they do that over there. I mean, it really is fun for a little while. But after a while, the atmosphere sinks in and it becomes rather claustrophobic.

I live near Dever, Colorado. Before that, I lived in Texas and in Alabama. The midwest is more tolerant by far than the Southern US. But really, I'd much rather move to either coast. In the longterm, I probably will. But for now, I can't pass up the free ticket to an expensive private college that my employer is offering me.


A question

Post 11

Fragilis - h2g2 Cured My Tabular Obsession

Sorry. That's Denver, Colorado. Do ignore the rampant typos. I'm a bit distracted by work.


A question

Post 12

Phil Rose esq

Hi there, just to say I will write more soon. Been real busy photographing the wedding of my ex-wife and stuff!
Phil


A question

Post 13

Phil Rose esq

Right, back at work and the free internet access. I've been fighting a recalcitrant computer all weekend. I downloaded Realplayer and Real Jukebox and they are both really good but for the fact that they keep crashing my system.
Anyway, I was at my ex wife's wedding on Saturday. It was a grand affair. Her lodger, Brian, is a great guy, he manages the restaurant where it all happened. He is also gay. The grooms parents are very working class, fat bloaters from the North of England. They had heard about Brian and knew he was gay and although they didn't hold it against him personally they were fully aware that this singled him out, sadly, as a subhuman weirdo. At the reception they said to Manda (the bride) 'I thought your lodger was coming.' Manda said 'he is, that's him.' Thy clearly thought he wasn't there because he wasn't mincing about and shrieking with 5 fat rings on each hand. I think they were slightly disappointed to find that, though mildly camp, Brian is a 'normal' guy who didn't try to put his hands down the pants of the grooms father.
People are strange when you're a homo.


A question

Post 14

Fragilis - h2g2 Cured My Tabular Obsession

Now for the funny part. You must realize that they were *disappointed* this fellow didn't act the prissy man for them. I imagine they were expecting to get some unpaid entertainment for the wedding. Perhaps one or both of them was even looking forward to an unsolicited come-on to a male in the wedding party.

I'd say they got exactly what they deserved, don't you?


A question

Post 15

Phil Rose esq

I think that may be a bit harsh. These people just don't think of homosexuals as...well anything really. They don't expect them to be like other people but I don't think they actually know what they do expect. I doubt there was any anticipation of flirting to be honest. These are fat, 55-60 year old, dyed in the woll Yorkshire men. Not evil, just not sure how to cope with things they're unaware they're encountering every day. The odd thing is that they know that 1 in 10 people are gay but subconciously they think 'not round my way.'
Very odd.
Phil


A question

Post 16

Fragilis - h2g2 Cured My Tabular Obsession

Ah. Well, not knowing the people, I'm left speculating. While everyone has gay people around them, it makes a huge difference whether they know they are gay. Telling someone that 1 in 10 random people are gay doesn't help much (even assuming that number is the correct one), because they then must speculate about who is who instead of going on actual information. And of course, someone who doesn't know better will tend to speculate based on stereotypes.


A question

Post 17

Fragilis - h2g2 Cured My Tabular Obsession

...myself included, apparently. smiley - winkeye


A question

Post 18

Phil Rose esq

Yes. If people could only be REALLY convinced that 1 in 0 people were gay they'd be forced to assume either that these people are all mincing about in San Francisco screaming and scratching each other's eyes out or else accept that maybe, just maybe they are just like normal people to look at. But we can't convince them of that so what's the point! And that 1 in 10 figure is purely hypothetical anyway and doesn't take bisexuality into account.
You know the one thing that really annoys me? Gay people who 'don't believe' in bisexuality. 'Bisexuals are just gay people who won't come out of the closet.' Morons.


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