This is the Message Centre for Yelbakk
Yelbakk Started conversation Nov 3, 2008
So I have been out of touch for a long time and now I am slipping back into life. I would like to say that I am doing so slowly and carefully, but as it turns out, there is no slow way. Careful I may try to be, though.
I had been on sick leave for suffering from depressions, and now I am back at work. I am a teacher in training - "Referendar" - and have returned to school. One of my first tasks there was to find me learner groups that I would be teaching. As a teacher in training, I actually should have my own classes as well as classes where I accompany the regular teacher. With respect to my being out of touch - and to my vulnerability to stress due to these depressions, however, I do not now have my own classes. But I was very lucky in finding nice classes and nice pupils and nice teachers.
So tomorrow, November 4th, I will resume my teaching activities. Which ought to be exciting, but right now the thought of it fills me with dread. Not least because my "Ausbilder" (training supervisor?) will be there as well, ready to judge on everything I do.
Well, and instead of finalizing my preparations for tomorrow, I am here, writing this down. A case for "go figure"? I would rather think, a case of "I don't want to bother you with all this crap, but I am going to, anyway, because I am, firstly, happy to write it down so that it is no longer only in my head. Secondly, I hope that I will be able to think more clearly once all this is written down - and thus, as it were, written out of my head. And thirdly, of course, I am writing this because I am hoping to get virtual hugs."
Now... If I were to analyze my emotions now, what would I get? I am angry about having wasted so much time all weekend not getting all prepared. I am scared that this is a deja vu sort of thing - did not this wasting time business get me deeper into my depressions, in the first place? In other words, am I still on those destructive patterns? I am furthermore confused about this fear: if I am aware of these patterns, could that not also mean that I *have* made progress? On top of that, I am positive that going back to school was the right decision.
And as I am thinking all this, in comes the Lady of the Mice with a glass of mulled mead she made for me, and this makes me almost want to cry. To be so absorbed in thinking about myself, while she extends a kind of unexpected tenderness towards me - I feel loved.
Sho - gainfully employed again Posted Nov 4, 2008
Yelbakk Posted Nov 4, 2008
Thank you, Sho. Now I know why I had hiccups*
Things went fairly well. There is, of course, always something to improve, but I had a good feeling about it and the students were really good to me. Nice first day, actually.
*Actually, I did not have any
Sho - gainfully employed again Posted Nov 5, 2008
Do you get hiccups when someone thinks about you? Blimey, in a class-full of students that might get strange sometimes!
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