h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We don't know each other well, I wrote the science column in The Post for a while. I also realise I am butting in and my coming here may not be appreciated. If so, then I am truely sorry.

When I got together with my husband I had a lot of affairs, there were reasons why, but we stayed together and are very happy now. Love is more than sexual fidelity, I do not know why so many people reduce loving relationships to that one point.

Sometimes I think sex can be such a release, a fun exercise to do with a friend or stranger. I am now faithful, out of choice, but I never condemn people who 'stray'. Its often not a betrayal, maybe sometimes out of frustration.

I hope things go well for you. I know that Sorb thinks I am too emotional and should never be in places like the forum, where I can get in the way of adult conversation, but there is a reason for my being emotional, its truely who I am. I am very comfortable with myself and my previous choices in my sexual life. I hope that he can be comfortable too one day and realise that there is more to a loving relationship then sexual fidelity.

I may now be speaking totally out of term and have no wish to offend anyone. I very much doubt you will be interested in conversing further, but just in case [email protected]

You may wonder why I am getting involved in something that has nothing to do with me, well, I know relationships can survive these things and would hate to see anyone break up over it, unless that was truely what they wanted. Its so easy to be too scared to communicate, to share your vulnerabilities.

As for Sorbs comment that his life is over, I would say a new one has begun, of long deep chats and a new understanding. If you survive this, you can survive so much more. I know so many who never forget their feelings of betrayal, without ever wondering if maybe there was something wrong they could help with, or of realising it just signalled a natural end. There is no need to stay angry and betrayed or even to stay constantly guilty over this.

Just my opinion, good luck to both of you.

Thank you Kaz.

All very raw at the moment and I don't really want to talk, but thanks anyway.

No worries, just wanted you to know that many of us believe there is more to love than sex and these problems can be worked through. Good luck.