h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

African killer bees here ? nah!

Russian roulette.
I won £50,000 first round - £200,000 second round -

it's home brew! as good as any whisky you can buy

...and that was self-lighting charcoal you used to filter it...

"He put the lifetime odds of dying from a local meteorite, asteroid, or comet impact at 1 in 1,600,000" So I put a £20 bet on....

"added" thanks dad - Rupert and Georgia

cough! cough! it's nothing to worry about

They DON'T swallow real swords, they're trick ones

...the cross-hilt will prevent it from doing any real damage if it slips...

"your mother shouldn't stand next to that gargoyle"

"nah! it's just like cooking scampi..."

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(The Japanese delicacy fugu, or blowfish, is so poisonous that the smallest mistake in its preparation could be fatal)

look! they've got shark nets up all around, it's safe to swim

he SAID it WASN'T an electric eel

They didn't say sky diving was with a parachute and NOT water-wings and flippers

They all say - DON'T press the red button, it's a standard joke - OOPS! NOT!

when they say ITCHY TRIGGER FINGER! you don't scratch it while HOLDING the bloody gun!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18065372

it's easy! I'd seen how they did it

epitaph = oops!

William Tell did it, so I trust you

just co's we played splitting the kipper at school, are you SURE you can knife throw

The most common last words heard in the US south;

Hold my beer and watch this!

F S

"You daren't"