This is the Message Centre for Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1121

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

Snoring is easy enough. I can actually do it in my sleep smiley - zzz

smiley - pirate


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1122

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

One friend to another: - I know you can be trusted. You are always around whenever you need me ...

smiley - pirate


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1123

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

We use the first half of our life trying to understand our elders.

And the other half trying to understand the young smiley - erm

smiley - pirate


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1124

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

I used to try to figure everybody else out. Now I let them try to figure me out.


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1125

Rosa Baggins daughter of Pronto Baggins and Mimosa Bunce

Q: What did the tornado say to the sports car?
A: Want to go for a spin!

Q: What kind of shorts to clouds wear?
A: Thunderwear!

Q: What's a tornado's favourite game?
A: Twister!

Q: What did one volcano say to the other volcano?
A: I lava you!

Q: What bow can't be tied?
A: A rainbow!

Q: What falls but never hits the ground?
A: The temperature!

Q: How do hurricanes see?
A: With one eye!

Q: What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt?
A: You're shocking!

Q: What happens when the fog disperses in California?
A: UCLA!

Q: How hot is it?
A: It's so hot, when I turned on my lawn sprinkler, all I got was steam!

Q: Who does everyone listen to, but no one believes?
A: The weather reporter

Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1126

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

You make a lot of sense. A hundred of them, im fact. That's why they call you Dollar.


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1127

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

Police pulls over a lorry driven by a vulture:

- Have you consumed any alcohol or drugs or the like that might affect your ability to drive a motor vehicle today?

- No, Sir Police Officer, I have not!

- That's alright then. Carry on, fowl!

smiley - pirate


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1128

Rosa Baggins daughter of Pronto Baggins and Mimosa Bunce

Wolverine aka James Howlett has an imaginary friend called Bub. Bub keeps on trolling Wolverine which makes him look like he is fighting think air. It looks very strange when Wolverine is shouting out "Get out of my way Bub" and his metal claws to fight the invisible Bub.


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1129

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

You need two witnesses to get married but only one to get convicted for murder.

That you tell you something about the dangers of marriage smiley - erm

smiley - pirate


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1130

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

The old widower died and once inside The Pearly Gate he was greeted by his long departed wife who said: "Finally, now we can be together again!"

He answered: "Wait, what? No! You swore a holy oath, remember: Till death does you part!"

smiley - pirate


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1131

Rosa Baggins daughter of Pronto Baggins and Mimosa Bunce

Q: What did the tornado say to the sports car?
A: Want to go for a spin!
Q: What's a tornado's favourite game?
A: Twister!
Q: What did one volcano say to the other volcano?
A: I lava you!
Q: What bow can't be tied?
A: A rainbow!
Q: How do hurricanes see?
A: With one eye!


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1132

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

I have just been told that waffles are just pancakes that are ribbed for her pleasure.
I did not know that.

smiley - pirate


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1133

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

And the Lord said unto John: "Come forth and you will receive eternal life".

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

smiley - pirate


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1134

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

Teacher: Use the word gonorrhea in a sentence.

Student: Where have you been? You've been gonorrhea long time.


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1135

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

MISS! I want to go to the toilet!

NO! Johnny, you have to say your alphabet first!

smiley - erma.b.c.d.e.f.g.h.i.j.k.l.m.n.o.q.r.s.t.u.v.w.x.y.z. Miss!

Johnny! Where's the "P" ?

smiley - wahRunning down my leg Miss! smiley - wah


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1136

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

That nice Indian princess should not have given you that tea. It became a teapee.


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1137

Rosa Baggins daughter of Pronto Baggins and Mimosa Bunce

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.

When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

Also, being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied,"it's definitely going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1138

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

The difference between a magic act and an act of disrespect to a religious figure is this:

A magic act can consist of pulling rabbit out of a hat.

An act of disrespect would be pulling a hat off of a rabbi.


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1139

Rosa Baggins daughter of Pronto Baggins and Mimosa Bunce

Why did the cat jump out of the catamaran?
The cat saw something fishing!


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1140

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

I picked up a hitchhiker this morning. He was grateful and all but wondered: "How did you dare? I mean, for all you know I could be a serial killer."
I answered that I thought the chances of two serial killers riding in the same car was pretty minute.
He kept very quiet for the rest of the ride ...

smiley - pirate


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