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Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1021

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

The colonel was furious and at the end of a long tirade roared at his men: "What am I, a nut?"

From the back row came the answer: "No, kernel"

smiley - pirate


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Post 1022

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

I needed a lot of haggis for a big party on Burns Night so I asked the employment agency to send me an organ grinder, but when I saw his instrument and the little monkey I knew they had got it all wrong smiley - facepalm

smiley - piratesmiley - chef


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Post 1023

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

And if you had insisted that it be organic, you'd have gotten the same result.


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Post 1024

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

smiley - ok

smiley - pirate


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Post 1025

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Or, whoever got your order decided to monkey with the results. smiley - evilgrin


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Post 1026

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

Back in my childhood a former RAF pilot came to tell us about his "work" during the great war:
Pilot: - There were Fockers to the right of me and Fockers to the left of me but with some gutsy moves I succeded in getting out of there while hitting some of them badly.
Teacher: - I should probably explain that when the pilot says - erm - Fockers, he means a certain brand of German air planes.
Pilot: - Yeah, but some of those Fockers were Heinkels and Junckers.

smiley - pirate


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Post 1027

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Not everyone will see the humor in this, but when Trump refused to sign legislation funding government operations, one of the agencies that would have been funded was the Immigration and naturalization Service. Tens of thousands of aliens waiting to become citizens could not have their hearings. Trump has admonished would-be citizens to go through the channels, and here he was shutting down the channels for 35 days.


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Post 1028

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

What is the difference between a lawyer/solicitor and a Rhinoceros ?

I lawyer/solicitor charges more smiley - erm


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Post 1029

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

A new film has been released - staring Rennie and the Settlers in Gone With the Wind


smiley - erm


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Post 1030

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Rincewind tried to make an army of orcs vanish, and he certainly succeeded. Unfortunately, all of DiscWorld followed suit. He wrote a book about it: "Gone with the wand."


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Post 1031

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

George and Harry, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day George didn't show up. Harry didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after George hadn't shown up for a week or so, Harry really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Harry didn't know where George lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Harry figured he had seen the last of George, but one day, Harry approached the park and-- lo and behold! -- there sat George! Harry was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.
Then he said, 'For crying out loud George, what in the world happened to you?'
George replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail!' cried Harry. 'What in the world for?'
'Well,' George said, 'you know that cute little blonde waitress Alice I told you about, at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'
'Well, the little gold-digging vixen figured I was plenty rich and she filed rape charges against me; and me at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.

'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'


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Post 1032

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Marriage is a sentence that starts with another sentence: "I do."


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Post 1033

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

Marriage is called "Ehe" in German. It is of course an abbreviation of the Latin words "Errare humanum est" which means "it is human to err" smiley - geek

smiley - pirate


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Post 1034

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

The 3 rings of a marital relationship are:-
Engagement ring - Wedding ring and suffe'ring


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Post 1035

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

One ring to hold them all: A daily call from the mother-in-law smiley - yikes

(This thread is turning into a Greek tragedy smiley - cry)

smiley - pirate


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Post 1036

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

back to jokes thensmiley - biggrin

a dirty joke to get past the "mods"

a man fell in a bag of soot

smiley - groan


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Post 1037

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

Last night a large quantity of sand, cement and gravel were stolen from a local builder's yard.
A police spokesman said they are looking for some concrete evidence to help catch the thieves.


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1038

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

The country of China has disappeared smiley - bluelight think it's a Chinese takeaway smiley - erm


Jest'er Joke or two, to pass the time away

Post 1039

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

The cannibal was sick to his stomach. He had eaten a person that didn't agree with him smiley - yuksmiley - illsmiley - yuk

smiley - pirate


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Post 1040

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he’s the best.

Q: What is the most important day in Egypt?
A: Mummy’s Day.

Q: How can you tell if King Tut’s mummy has a horrible cold?
A: By his deep, loud coffin.

Q: What kind of makeup do Egyptian mummies wear?
A: Mas-scare-a

Q: What kind of roads do mummies in Egypt like living on?
A: Dead Ends.

Q: What did King Tutankhamun say when he had a nightmare?
A: I want my mummy.


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