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Post 981

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

3 men visit a bar/pub and order 3 glasses ofsmiley - ale
when the drinks arrive, they see that each glass has a fly floating in it smiley - sadface
The 1st man, pushes the drink away and says to the waitress - I require a fresh glass!
The 2nd man, lifts the fly from the glass and squashes it with a beer/place mat!
The 3rd man (a Yorkshireman) removes the fly and says SPIT IT BACK!


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Post 982

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?! WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, A MAN. HE’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HIS UNMENTIONABLES. HE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.

smiley - pirate


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Post 983

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

Dear letterbox editor.
I hope you can help me.
The other day I went to work. I kissed my husband goodbye while he was sitting watching TV. After a couple of kilometers, the car began to behave strangely and eventually gave up on me. I had to go back to pick up my husband. When I got home, I could not believe my own eyes: he was in the bedroom with the neighbor's daughter. I am 32 years old, my husband is 34 and the neighbor's daughter 19! We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and confessed they had had an affair for 6 months. He refuses to go into therapy, and I fear I'm breaking down and I need some good advice now! Can you help me?
The unhappy

REPLY:
Dear unhappy.
A car stopping after a short period of time can be due to many things: engine failure, dirt/foreign matter in the gas supply, network failure, and much more. You should start by checking that there are no foreign objects in the fuel hose. If there is not, check the vacuum pipes on the suction manifold and check all rigid connections. If this does not solve the problem, it may be the actual gasoline pump that has broken, thereby giving too low pressure for injection.
I hope this helps.
The Letterbox editor

smiley - pirate


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Post 984

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

The Secretary of Electricity reports that rewiring is completed. Washington, DC is now AC.


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Post 985

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

A man pulls up at a kerbside because his car has an engine fault and while looking under the bonnet/hood, a voice says it’s the carburetor!
He looks around and doesn’t see anyone nearby?
So he continues to try and find the fault.
Then again! A voice says it’s the carburetor!
He looks around again and the only living thing he sees is a white horse looking over a hedge.
Nah! It can’t be a horse? Until the horse said I’m telling you! It’s the carburetor!
At this, the man in shock, runs off down the road, leaving his car and about half mile he comes to a village pub/bar, dashes in and orders a double whisky!
He gulps it down in one and says to the bartender/landlord, my car broke down not far from here and a horse told me that it was the carburetor at fault? Am I imagining things ?
The landlord asks what colour the horse was ?
The man in a confused manner says it was a white horse.
To which the landlord replied, well that’s good thing, because if it was a black horse, that one don’t know the first thing about cars….


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Post 986

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

That reminds me of the days when a reporter in Washington, D.C. attributed his information to "a White Horse Souse."


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Post 987

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

In late 1773, some angry colonists in Massachusetts planned an act of vandalism along the Boston shoreline. They put out a call for people willing to pose as Indians and dump stuff overboard from British ships that were in the harbor.

A couple of visitors from Bombay were in the area, and they agreed to help out. They arrived at the rendezvous pl;ace with small pies made from garbanzos. "We're here for the Boston pea tarty," they said.


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Post 988

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

Q: What do you call a gardener that has a beard?
A: Hairy Potter.

Q: Why wouldn’t Ron’s car move?
A: It got stuck in a quid-ditch

Q: Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?
A: Nobody nose.

Q: What did Ron Weasley say when Harry found his missing wand?
A: That’s wanderful!

Q: Why didn’t the professors like having Fred and George Weasley at Hogwarts?
A: They never knew which witch was which.

Snape: Look out, Lord Voldemort’s coming!
Dumbledore: Are you serious?
Snape: No… I’m Severus.

Q: What’s the best thing to use to catch fish at Hogwarts pond?
A: A Griphook.

Q: What kind of cereal do they have at Hogwarts?
A: Huffle Puffs.

Q: Who was the most giving faculty member at Hogwarts?
A: Charity Burbage

Q: Which member of the Order of the Phoenix is always grouchy?
A: Alastor (Mad-Eye) Moody

Q: Which headmistress eared a gold medal?
A: Olympe Maxime

Q: What comes after Aberforth Dumbledore?
A: Aber-fifth Dumbledore

Q: Do you know which Hogwarts student do you think will help you learn Quidditch?
A: I think Oliver Wood.







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Post 989

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Longbottom will Neville let anyone get under his skin.


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Post 990

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Lily Potter worked in a greenhouse.


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Post 991

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

I came upon a small town with 116 inhabitants, I think. It was called El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles del Río Porciúncula.

I swung by again in 1996. The population was now 18,679,763

but the name now only consisted of two letters - and I wasn't surprised to hear folks there now referred to it as La La Land

smiley - pirate


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Post 992

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

[You must be joking, since this is a thread for jokes. You were there in 1781 when it was foundered -- er, founded? smiley - winkeye]

If you go tot he Bible and add up the years between Methusaleh's birth and the Great Flood, you find that Methusaleh was still alive more than 100 years after the flood. Did he hide on the Ark disguised as an old goat? smiley - huh


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Post 993

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

yep! it's a joke threadsmiley - smiley and nowt else smiley - biggrin

ex so called pop star Boy George’s reptile bites 5 people in one day, he needs a calmer chameleon.


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Post 994

ITIWBS

Maybe he was an all time great swimmer.


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Post 995

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Maybe Noah ended up in Arkansas.


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Post 996

ITIWBS

Have you seen Robert Stack's study on Noah's Ark?

Apparently it really exists.


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Post 997

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Could the serarch for Noah's Ark become the plotline for "Wag the Dog II"? smiley - bigeyes


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Post 998

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

Nah! Noah's Ark was a welding firm's name


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Post 999

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

I went to a job interview which ended when they had asked me: What gets you up in the morning?
I answered: - My bladder, usually ...

smiley - pirate


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Post 1000

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

The Roan Langer made overtures to the woman who ran the Tilliam Wells.


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