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Post 961

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

Q: How many Asgard does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: All Asgard ships are currently unavailable, assisting in the effort to
change the fuse.

Q: How many SG teams does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six. One to change the lightbulb and five to rescue the first team!

Q: Why do Doctors make the best Jedi?
A: Because a Jedi must have patience.

Q: Why is a Jedi knight never lonely? A: Because the force is always with him.

Question: What did Picard say as Data struggled to repair the Marclosian Stitching Machine?
Answer: "Make it sew."

Question: What did the first officer answer when Picard asked "Why did you let Troi win at poker?"
Answer: "Because I Riker."




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Post 962

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

it couldn't change a lightbulb and went to look for an electrician


smiley - erm

(just thought upsmiley - biggrin)


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Post 963

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

smiley - online2long


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Post 964

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

smiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eureka

Q: How many buddhist monks does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Change must come from within smiley - zen

smiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eurekasmiley - eureka

smiley - pirate


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Post 965

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

It was a dark, moonless night, yet I easily found my way through the dairy farm thanks to the light cream.


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Post 966

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

What did Batman do when shopping?
Got Ham.


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Post 967

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

What does Peter Parker tell people when they ask what does he do for a living?
He says he's a web designer.


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Post 968

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

There's a cannibal tribe in the Amazon that lures Marvel Comics characters to their area. The tribe turns them into souperheroes.


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Post 969

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

Scene 42, a police station in Rome, an officer interviews a suspect:

- You have been arrested and brought here for being drunk and disorderly and starting a bar brawl in the pub "Flaming Nero" near the Colosseum. What's your name?
- Arthur
- Birth of date?
- 2 BC
- Faith?
- Christian
- Occupation?
- Retired gladiator
- Retired gladiator? You? A christian? How do you explain that?
- I had to excuse myself
- You had to excuse yourself? On what grounds?
- I am allergic to cats

smiley - pirate


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Post 970

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

A old Yorkshireman is sat at the bar of his local pub, when a young good looking lass says to him "are you on your own ?"

Aye lass! been on me own for years.

Oh! In that case, you'll have missed out on some 'worldly' pleasures then ?

Yep! Can't remember the last time..

Well! I'll do anything you want for £100!

Pardon!!

I'll do anything you want or desire for £100, on condition! That you can only describe it in 3 wordssmiley - smiley

(after a moments thought)
OK then! "paint me house...."


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Post 971

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

Medical fact of the day:

Obsessive compulsive bagpipe players seldom suffer in silence

smiley - pirate


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Post 972

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Only if you put succotash in the bagpipes.


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Post 973

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Prince William and princess Kate were debating about what to name their next son.

"Name him Pooh," Suggested young Prince George.

"Why should w do that?" Kate asked.

"So you'd have an heir, a spare, and a bear."


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Post 974

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

A young student of the Martial Art of Kung Fu, listens intensely to his Master, as he says:- Tell me the answer to this question!
Which is better to have ? a handful of money, or a handful of rice ?
Why Master! As "We" are taught by our teachings to forsake all worthy goods, then therefore the answer is a handful of rice!
Stupid student! With handful of money, you can buy whole bloody rice field


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Post 975

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

Wedding guests in Cana: - Jesus! We're all out of wine! smiley - yikes

Jesus: - Hold my beer smiley - cool

smiley - pirate


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Post 976

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

2 dimwitted buddies went to a building site looking for work, the first mate went into the foreman's office, sat down and the foreman said "Right! I'm not going to ask you a load of questions, I'm a religious man" So I'm going to ask you one question!
A question on the bible, if you get it right, you start the job on Monday.
So! Where was Jesus Christ born ?
The guy replied ah! I know this one, It's Bethlehem for sure!
The foreman said, that's correct and you can start the job here Monday morning, send your mate in and I'll ask him the same question!
So, outside he says to his mate! Look, he's a religious man and he'll ask you where Jesus Christ was born ok! Get it right "It's Bethlehem" and you'll start Monday with me - cool eh!
Oh dear! You know I'm not really into religion and stuff, so what if I forget ?
You and your memory! Right! Pass me that house-brick and I'll put the answer on it.
So his mate gives him the house brick and using his marker-pen, writes "Bethlehem" on it. Now put that in your coat pocket and if you forget, have a quick peek under the table ok!
In he goes and the foreman asks him the same question he asked his mate - Where was Jesus Christ born ?
Oh this is very easy to answer he says! It's not Jerusalem ? no! and it's not Galilee either, then gets the brick out under the table and replies! It's Snydale Brickworks!


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Post 977

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

A giant rift opened in the ground. We were told that the only way to get it closed again would be to throw a combination of chocolate, marshmallow, and graham cracker into it.

"I'll do it," said my teenage son. "One s'more into the breach."


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Post 978

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

A young police constable was sent out to take care of what had been reported to his station as 'a domestic disturbance'.

After arriving on the scene he called the station: - Erm, chief. Turns out wife killed husband.
Chief: - Really? Why?
Constable: - She claims he just walked in on her newly cleaned floor with his dirtiest boots on.
Chief: - I see. So you arrested her?
Constable: - Nope. Not yet. Floor is still wet.

smiley - pirate


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Post 979

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

smiley - rofl

did she confess ? and come clean smiley - groan


a sinkhole appeared in a street, the police are looking into it smiley - erm


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Post 980

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

My dog ate a quarter. I took him to the vet, who said he would give the dog some laxatives. That was two days ago This morning I called the vet to see if the quarter had passed through the dog's system.

"No change yet," said the vet.


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