This is the Message Centre for Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

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Post 941

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

That was because he couldn't spell. he was a busboy in a restaurant. What he really wanted was a collander.


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Post 942

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

smiley - catsmiley - cat are completely their own.
smiley - catsmiley - cat never listen.
smiley - catsmiley - cat never come when you call.
smiley - catsmiley - cat prefer to be out at night.
And when smiley - catsmiley - cat are at home, they prefer to sleep.

In other words: All that women hate in men, they love in cats ...

smiley - pirate


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Post 943

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Maybe that explains why you have to be crazy to be a cat woman. smiley - winkeye


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Post 944

ITIWBS

Or free-range chicken fanatic.


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Post 945

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

Why did the chicken cross the road ?
So it could show the possum that it could be done.

Why did a turkey cross the road ?
To show that it wasn't a chicken.



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Post 946

ITIWBS

How did the chicken cross the road?

Looking both ways at once.


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Post 947

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

The epitome of indecision is a chicken at a crossroads.


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Post 948

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

because it was stapled to the punk rocker


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Post 949

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Q. What overweight opera star was discovered in a pyramid in Egypt?

A. Two-ton Carmen (Tutankhamun)


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Post 950

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

Guy No1 - how heavy is your blue whale ?
Guy No2 - I'll take it to a whaleway station and find out


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Post 951

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

In the land of sentient machines, none was in first place more often than Queen Victrola. She broke many records


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Post 952

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

A 76-year-old man Yorkshireman is having a drink in a pub. Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away.
The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her.
After a short while, the girl notices his staring, and approaches him, before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like" Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game, all I want is £100 but! there's one condition.
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is ?
"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words"

The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman.
He then whips out his wallet and puts ten - £10 notes in her outstretched hand.
He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house."



(Our needs change as we get older)


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Post 953

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

That's because she approached him before he could think very clearly. He remembered what beautiful women were like, but couldn't remember what to do with them.


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Post 954

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

Why did the chicken cross the road - Star Trek version

The Borg: Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.
Data: The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by an kind of combustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes, sir.
Geordi: Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll have more luck with women than I do.
Dr. Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be something wrong with the universe.
Hugh the Borg: Maybe it just needed a big hug!
Q: Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't be able to comprehend the answer.
Tasha: That depends...was it fully functional?
Troi: I feel the chicken's pain!
Wesley: I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit on the computers and...
Worf: I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.


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Post 955

ITIWBS

...following the trail of bread crumbs left by Hansel and Gretel...


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Post 956

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.


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Post 957

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

Someone stole a pig from Old MacDonald's farm.

It was a Macdonald ham burglar.


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Post 958

Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

the man said he's just passing time smiley - ermbut doesn't remember eating anything like smiley - erm


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Post 959

Pierce The Pirate ~ out of Hotblack Desiato mode again ~

The Dalai Lama recognized a reincarnation of his old teacher behind the counter of a pizza hut and said: "Oh master, make me one with everything!"

smiley - pirate


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Post 960

paulh. Bunnies are cute (There, I've said it)

The wizard was thirsty but didn't feel like going to the fridge. Fortunately, a customer came in just then and said, "Wizard, make me an ice cream soda."

So the wizard did.


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