h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What experience did these Egyptian gods have?

Ra's cv is as long as the rays he emits

The rabid rabbi raved rellentlessly on about radiant Ra being an idle idol.

This made me think: Where do Gods go when they are no longer wanted? Is there a special place in the afterlife for dead deities?

Oops, this is not the right thread for questions like that

Let's take this to another thread

Osiris sired us all.

Pyramids were stopped being built, because they knew it was an investment scam

Marvin the paranoid android was very strange to me. Matter of fact much as I tried I never could get the Hank of Marvin

How do brave Egyptians write?
With Hero-glyphics!

What did Pharaoh say when he saw the pyramid?
Mummy's home!

Where do Pharaohs like to eat?
Pizza Tut!

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has just been discovered in Egypt!
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche!

I just broke my wife’s favourite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!

The Founding Fathers believed America was destined for greatness in fumigation. They termed it ‘Man o Pest Destiny‘

Had I the talent to be a cat burglar, I rob ably would.

How is physics similar to medicine? It’s an atomy subject.

If the group included a refuse man, they would have been the Swillage People. Their music was trashy anyway.

I painted my house a boring, neutral colour. Still, I’m proud off-white I’ve accomplished.

True story: I invented a singing beer, went on Shark Tank to get funding, but instead was met with a chorus of booze.

Want to take a walking tour in Egypt? Better consult a Cairopodist.

Why won’t the Pyramids ever fall down? Because, Pharaoh said, “Don’t bust my Cheops!“

As I toured the Museum of Sunburns I whispered to myself, “This is aloed ground.”

Raymond was always a ray of Sunshine after watching old Ted Ray TV shows and films.

(Marcus Antonius, commonly known in English as Mark Antony)

Mark Antony - Did they mark him down ? or pass his exam ?

Cats and dogs favourite fruit to eat is paw-paw which they find pawstively delicious.

Religious shoe repair
We will heel you.
We will save your sole.
We will even dye for you.

Foxes who wear foxgloves, go and dance the foxtrot when trying to out fox over foxes. They also drink Foxe's Rock red ale while playing Foxes bingo.

I know a neighbour who woke up one morning in a field in Wakefield but he did not know how he got there as he lives in Woking.

I bet the most populous nation is Procrastination

Campers who camped in Woking, where they wake up next morning to find that they are in a field in Wakefield. They are not very happy campers when this happens and worse of all, they have to endure drinking coffee made from camp chicory and coffee essence syrup.

Life's hectic I just want a bit'e of pizza time

The Italian mutant superhero who lived in Pisa wanted a Pisa (pizza) of the action at the local piseria (pizzeria).