h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My horse prefers dry weather. He hates when it rains on his reins.

The last years of King Juan Carlos' reign in Spain were - to put it plainly - plagued by scandals

The red light district decided to outlaw electric lights for a week. The substitute lighting was scandlelous.

I've a "bank" account on both sides of the river

Is that in Paris? It's surely in Seine.

This makes me pine for Mrs. Sippi

And I miss Souri also

I ate sirloin in Omaha. The waitress who served me was a Miss Steak.

Origami/Oregano took me sages to work that one out

A water chess nut loves to play chess aboard ships.

Basil, the sage of Basildon and Oxford Don was full of wise words of advice to the market stall holders who sell flowers and herbs to the locals of Essex.

When I tell the barista they got my order wrong, I get missed-tea eyed.

Herby and Bernie went for a Bernie steak which was served with herby butter and salad.

When I told the young priest how I spent my spare time doing origami he ed and warned me that it might make me go blind and grow hair in my palms

What great composers were birds?

Heron Copland
Tchaicrowski
ChickaDelius
Goossec
Hummelingbird
Clememtit
John Whipporwilliams

I met an old native american in a casino. His name was Heron Outofmoney

"Ivanhoe"

So what! I've an hedge-trimmer...

Ivanho idea what you're talking about.

Is Guinevere ?

No, she's gone shopping

Barney the barn owl was a hoot when he met up with the bittern at the seaside. Barney, bittern more than he could chew as he tried to make friends with the bittern.

Brent, the bird nature reserve warden believed one tern does another one when helping to increase the number of sea birds.