h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Must have been a railway station wagon then.

I have an estate, but can't find the driveway.

The captain asked the bosun: "What's that effing noise?"
The bosun replied: "Oh it's just a couple of old seadogs em-barking".

I asked - Why is that Orca on the railway lines ?

The guy said - it's a whaleweigh station

That sounded so sad that I burst into tears.

The guy scoffed at me. "There's no use blubbering about it."

A: Did you know that the first French fry wasn't cooked in France?
B: Where was it cooked then?
A: In Greece ...

Archaeologists have become interested in a very old diner near where I live. One claimed that pieces of the Acropolis have been found there, embedded in the diner's ancient grease.

Our country's Olympic swimming programme has quite a talent pool.

The Shepherd's Bush marching band start their marching season in March where they march forth whenever March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. This inspires the marchers to roar like Gryffindors dancing the lambada.

The orca musicians got together and formed an orcastra

The rusty cogs and wheels were being greased with oil as the mechanics greased up as they worked like grease lightning inspired by The Grease song "Grease Lightning" which was being played on the CD player.

Meanwhile the panda orchestra is creating a pandamonium.

And the dogs in the back alley are cat-erwauling

And the birds in the alley are practicing ballet moves as they get ready for a production of The Nutcracker Tweet.

What kind of bathing suit do the animals at the zoo wear?
A zucchini.

The boars were boaring their way through the forest where they stopped at the clearing to have their boaring board meeting. The boars were rather boarish which made the meeting very boaring;

Some aquatic mammals at the Otterburn mini zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.

Some semi aquatic animals once ruled an empire - the otter'man empire

Prof

Aquatic animals like to store their bedding in an otter'man.

Do they buy their bedding at WalrusMart?

I got invited to be in a Chinese cookery tv program I got a wok on part