h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Followers of the Dark Lord who were given the Dark Mark would only eat dark chocolate in the dark.

If you have a sundae, does it melt on Monday ?

I knew a little girl who always laughed when she saw the word "Chocolate."

Someone asked why she was laughing. Turns out she thought it read "chuckle a lot."

Catlin Snow aka Killer Frost give Captain Cold a frosty reception.

It was an ice-ing on the cake for the chionophiles when the weather forecast predicted that it was going to be an ice day.

He was born with the power to summon anyone from any realm. He also had a speech impediment. So when his parents asked if he wanted a cone with vanilla or chocolate, he summoned the "Ice Queen."

An iceberg lettuce sank the Titanic

I'll bet he did this while the salad was dressing.

and it made the blush again

I wouldn't turnip my nose at that.

At the brewery tea-break, the tea lady would brew the tea in a whisky vat shaped teapot. The brewery staff would ponder ways of improving the whisky distilling processed over a hot brew which was flavoured with a drop of whisky.

For real ale lovers, anyone who drinks corporate suds is a fill his stein
(philistine) .

artichoke"d" when I told him the news and nearly pea"d" himself

Coffee drinkers' etiquette:

Never wear a tea shirt to a coffee shop.

Someone asked Dorothy Parker to use the word horticulture in a sentence. What she came up with was this:

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

you can call a chicken "a chicken" but how can you tell a duck to duck ?

- Doctor Octopus just robbed a bank!
- Did he have a gun?
- No, but he was well armed ...

"Doc Oc robbed the bank. His wife was driving the getawat car."

"How do you know?"

"I just spied 'er, man."

tentacles, they've only eight

They're quite a delicacy in Greece and China. Have you ever eaten octo-pie?