Journal Entries

Just back from the Isle of Arran

Aaaaaaah. Back to the loveliness of Leicester and wonders of work.

A whole week of bliss has just passed with a well-earned (and well-expensive!) break on the island they call "Scotland in miniature".

I spend a week at Goat Fell View with my housemates and "second mother" (my housemate's mum) and feel so chilled I put on an extra half stone!

Still - I am back to work now, refreshed.

How lovely it is that Summer has begun. How pants-sniffing poo it is that I'll be working most of it!

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Latest reply: May 7, 2006

Easter Holidays

Well. Holidays eh? Gotta work 'em.

Had the folks visit on Friday. Went to see Ice Age II. I realise that's sad. It is, actually, quite a good film - for an animated feature.

Saturday was work. Sunday was work. Today is work. Tuesday is work. Wednesday is work.

Someone would think I needed the money. Actually, I do!

One cannot live on air alone.

Apart from the bloke who owns EasyJet and Richard Branson. I suppose, in actual fact, they live OFF air. Not like Timmy Mallett.

Anyway - off topic.

I didn't really celebrate Easter this year. No need to. I'm not under 13 any more and having the odd choccy egg doesn't get the juices flowing.

I foresee me covering most of the Easter Holidays in the future. Sad. Still, I hope everyone ELSE had a nice time. It's thanks to people like me that we can keep Britain moving at times when others, with families, don't want to work.

Embrace the £s.

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Latest reply: Apr 17, 2006

Is 30 too old to be drunk EVERY Saturday night?

It's official! I'm past it!

For at least 6 consecutive weeks, I've had the dubious pleasure of getting completely of my face and spending money I can barely afford on over-priced drinks in the 'pinker' clubs available in the UK.

Last night was no different. Having pre-planned my plastering, I drank a small, pocket flask-sized bottle of Jack Daniels with coke accompaniment before embarking on the bus (I know, shocking isn't it? A homo on public transport - it's a shame I have to bear...) into town to frequent The Dover Castle.

Upon arrival, I buy a double JD and coke and settle myself into a corner to await my beau. Thankfully, they do 35ml shots but it costs just under a fiver for the privelege. Perhaps, for you Londoners, that's not a lot but for us poor Northerners (Cambridge by birth, dear) it's a week's luncheons!

Sipping merrily, watching the talent and mouthing the words to the Kylie megamix pumping thru the speakers, my man arrives and is resplendent in tight jeans and funky t-shirt.

Another double sinks into my stomach and it's onto the dancefloor.

After some Hung Up, You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) and Love Machine by Girls Aloud, I stagger to the bar again and just the single this time.

My fella and I walk back to his thru the mildly temperate evening and stop off for a non-needed burger en route.

Back to his, sated (sexually and food-wise), I retire to bed. Well, more flop into bed actually.

This morning, I wake up and feel awful. Full of catarrh (what a lovely word that is) and 'overhang' of burger onions, I swoon around my beloved's room and struggle to retain any sense of decorum.

I loose my guts into the bathroom sink and retch for queen and country. It's not attractive. Bulging eyes and every vein within them seems electrified when I try to view anything.

Bless him, he's worried and repulsed in equal amounts.

Still reeling, he persuades me to drink some pineapple juice. You know when you make a mistake? That was it. Retch City again.

I decide a fresh, bracing walk back home would be good. It's only about a mile so that'd get things working. Surprisingly, it works.

I get home, get ready for work and come in. Having taken 2 Ibuprofen to numb the pains, I'm set.

Then I think back. I went to bed at about 2am. I woke up about 9am. I started work at midday. In essence, it's taken me 10 hours to get even vaguely communicative. Plus there's the vomitus. I don't DO chunk-blowing very easily. Not my preferred choice.

So.

And here's the clincher.

I'm not gonna get blotto ever again. Seriously. No, really.

I can't afford it for a start. I'll get merrily slaughtered at home and then have ONE drink before hitting the softies.

There. I've said it out loud. Well, written it on here at least.

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Latest reply: Mar 26, 2006

Brokeback Mountain

I went to see it yesterday (12th January 2006) and, for some reason, it's sticking in my mind.

No doubt it'll be referred in giggling terms or re-named by a gay porn mogul as "Bareback Mounting" one day. Yet this film really is a markedly different 'Hollywood' offering.

I felt genuinely moved by the interplay between Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. The unhappiness they share because of the love they share is unbearably natural. The feral love scene of their first encounter is the most erotic yet appropriate since 9 1/2 weeks or Fatal Attraction.

I simply cannot place a finger on why this film is under my skin and won't come out. There is no reason for this tale of forbidden love between two men so destined to be together if their circumstances were different to be rolling around in my stomach, desperate for me to define its meaning for me and for the world at large. Never - EVER - before has a piece of visual art caused me such internal conflict.

I don't know whether to hate it for depicting life in reality and how frustrating 'society' can be or to love it for the same reasons.

The tenderness these two straight actors show to each other and the ferocity of their metaphysical, as well as their sexual, relationship captures something never before achieved by mainstream Western cinema - a genuine representation of gay love. Moreover, the age-old concern of gay rights activists who suggest gay actors play gay roles is completely blown out of the water by this film.

In many ways, I hope this film is looked back on as the beginning of (dare I say it) Queer Realism in cinema - Western cinema - AMERICAN cinema! Gone are the days of needing to jump on the AIDS bandwagon, or simply throwing in a gay guy to spice up the action or to stick tongue firmly in cheek. Perhaps it was already there, bubbling under. Perhaps the years of The Birdcage being a (wonderfully flawed, yet) valid 'gay' movie are over?

I didn't think this film was brilliant. I didn't think it was awful. It's, well, average. It's ordinary. It's run-of-the-mill. Like most gay people. But it's got an emotional intensity that grabs you and won't let go. It also worries me. In a good way.

Brokeback Mountain is not just a gay movie, a buddy movie, a cowboy movie, a love story, a transitional epic, it's - a film. Please appreciate its importance but don't over-estimate its impact.

Discuss this Journal entry [14]

Latest reply: Jan 13, 2006

Civil Partnerships.

So, it's finally happened then?

We homos can get 'married' and it's all legal.

We don't have to squabble with relatives of our beloveds while the house is put up for sale after their death.

No longer shall we have to write a will which may be contested automatically.

No longer will we have to pay more for life insurance required for purchasing a property because of our sexuality... Hold on. Wait. I don't know this for sure (and if it is NOT the case, please advise me!) because I've seen all the positive, financial-related and emotional issues addressed but I've not heard whether, now our unions are recognised in law, we will stay have to pay extortionate prices because of our "lifestyle choice".

Life insurance for confirmed bachelors of a certain age can be immense. Applying for a joint mortgage with a non-familial male raises eyebrows. Insurance companies even, quite legitimately, class your occupation as a key signifier of whether you pose a threat.

I adore the fact that gay men and women are now allowed to express their relationship in the open without prejudice, legally at least. However, I fear the flaws, though undoubtedly small, may prove more costly.

As I say, this is only on the info I have at present. If anyone could enlighten me, I'd be wholly grateful.

Discuss this Journal entry [3]

Latest reply: Dec 11, 2005


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chubstar1975

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