A Conversation for 'Return of the Psammead' - the Television Series
Peer Review: A87888668 - 'Return of the Psammead' - the Television Series
Bluebottle Started conversation May 24, 2017
Entry: 'Return of the Psammead' - the Television Series - A87888668
Author: Bluebottle - U43530
You can never have too much of the Psammead.
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A87888668 - 'Return of the Psammead' - the Television Series
SashaQ - happysad Posted May 24, 2017
More Psammead - excellent!
Who is looked after by Bessie - the well ones or the ill ones?
Nice section about the steam railway
"a right sew and sew " - should this be in inverted commas, too?
Aunt Marchmont is another 'Charlotte' who did as she was told as a child and carried on into adulthood...
Good review, but I wonder if there needs to be a closing sentence so that the Entry finishes on a note different from 'distress'.
A87888668 - 'Return of the Psammead' - the Television Series
Bluebottle Posted May 24, 2017
Good points all – I've tidied up the introduction and rearranged the ending so that it ends on a much more positive note, with melting rather than distress.
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A87888668 - 'Return of the Psammead' - the Television Series
Zarquon's Singing Fish! Posted Aug 15, 2017
Reading through this. This sentence is a bit clunky:
"She also, under the influence of the Dobbs family, is planning to evict Dawkins and his young daughter Little Lil from their home on their estate. "
It could better be phrased, "Under the influence of the Dobbs family, she is also is planning to evict Dawkins and his young daughter Little Lil from their home on their estate. "
or even,
"She is also is planning to evict Dawkins and his young daughter Little Lil from their home on their estate because of the influence of the Dobbs family."
>
A87888668 - 'Return of the Psammead' - the Television Series
Florida Sailor All is well with the world Posted Aug 15, 2017
I would like to get rid of the Their - their riddle. We should not use the same pronoun in a single sentence to refer two different persons or families.
Maybe "Under the influence of her family, she is also is planning to evict Dawkins and his young daughter, Little Lil, from their home on the Dobb's estate. "
F S
A87888668 - 'Return of the Psammead' - the Television Series
Zarquon's Singing Fish! Posted Aug 16, 2017
A87888668 - 'Return of the Psammead' - the Television Series
Bluebottle Posted Aug 16, 2017
Thanks both of you for your comments, I've split that sentence into two so hopefully it makes more sense and is clearer, so let me know what you think.
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A87888668 - 'Return of the Psammead' - the Television Series
Zarquon's Singing Fish! Posted Aug 16, 2017
Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!
h2g2 auto-messages Posted Oct 13, 2017
Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.
If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.
Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!
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SashaQ - happysad Posted Oct 13, 2017
Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!
Bluebottle Posted Oct 13, 2017
Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!
Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor Posted Oct 13, 2017
Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!
bobstafford Posted Oct 13, 2017
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ChiKiSpirit III Posted Oct 25, 2017
Well done! A huge amount of time and effort put into this but somehow I feel the of the psammead has been lost.
Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!
Bluebottle Posted Oct 26, 2017
I'm sorry you feel the has been lost, but I would like to assure you that the sparkle is exactly the same as it always was and in exactly the same place.
'Five Children and It' and 'Return of the Psammead' were magical television series and a much-loved part of my childhood. This entry isn't trying to compete with that or detract from it – in effect its job is to be a giant signpost saying 'Wact these television series – they're fantastic! Come on, look over here ->'
As a rule, signposts aren't exciting, but that doesn't mean the place they're pointing to isn't
If there's any specific areas you think can be tightened up or improved, feel free to say.
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Key: Complain about this post
Peer Review: A87888668 - 'Return of the Psammead' - the Television Series
- 1: Bluebottle (May 24, 2017)
- 2: SashaQ - happysad (May 24, 2017)
- 3: Bluebottle (May 24, 2017)
- 4: SashaQ - happysad (May 24, 2017)
- 5: Zarquon's Singing Fish! (Aug 15, 2017)
- 6: Florida Sailor All is well with the world (Aug 15, 2017)
- 7: Zarquon's Singing Fish! (Aug 16, 2017)
- 8: Bluebottle (Aug 16, 2017)
- 9: Zarquon's Singing Fish! (Aug 16, 2017)
- 10: h2g2 auto-messages (Oct 13, 2017)
- 11: SashaQ - happysad (Oct 13, 2017)
- 12: Bluebottle (Oct 13, 2017)
- 13: Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor (Oct 13, 2017)
- 14: bobstafford (Oct 13, 2017)
- 15: ChiKiSpirit III (Oct 25, 2017)
- 16: Bluebottle (Oct 26, 2017)
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