A Conversation for The Alternative Writing Workshop

A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 1

Z

Entry: Lady Chatterley's Sister - A3206404
Author: Z - my parents and my lecturers could never understand why I gave it up for medicine and minus twenty grand - U185843

My foray out of the depths of Peer Review.

Ben is a bad influence, other wise I would have updated my Edited Guide Entry on New Street Station instead.


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 2

Mrs Zen

smiley - blush

Though I am - eventually - reasonable at spotting typos:

Para 2 - "an a vague sisterly awareness" should be "and".

Para 2 - "naked as a strumpet, warmed by firelight and her lover's drifting hands" should be "naked as a strumpet and warmed".

First Conny/Mellors section: "An' y'r brother is 'Richard'?" - take out single quotes around Richard.

Next para: "I love the way that I can make you shake from the sternoclavicular joint, to your lowest distal interphalanges" should be "your sternoclavicular joint" and remove the comma before "to your lower". Incidentally - is "sternoclediomastoid" one word?

"across your left illiac fossa6, touch your grid iron scar7 and across you pubic syphsis8 " - "across your left illiac fossa feeling the rough texture of your grid iron scar and then down to your pubic syphsis" is better, doncha think?

"I want to shout it on the mountain top, publish it in the BMJ" should be "mountain top, to publish it" etc.

"blepharons droop in post-coital peace as your gross brain wave activity" remove "in post-coital peace" because it is in later on, so it becomes "droop as your gross brain wave activity calms and you drift gently into post-coital sleep." Also there is a reduntant space between "blepharons" and footnote 31.

Final line: "but her sister's report of the good Doctor's skill there" should be "but by her sister's report".

Sorry about those.

smiley - ok

B


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 3

Z

Thanks B smiley - ok

Is it ok if I fix those tomorrow I'm working on me job application at the moment.


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 4

Z

Just getting down to it now..


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 5

LL Waz

smiley - laugh as a memory aid is this not full of very distracting associations?

Waz


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 6

Mrs Zen

smiley - rofl

And vice versa. Who would *really* want a lover to be thinking quite that scientifically in what should be deeply erotic moments? smiley - laugh

Glad you enjoyed it, Waz.

Ben


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 7

LL Waz

Hadn't thought of that - I wonder if there are any trainee doctors out there who do suddenly slip into revision mode ...


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 8

Mrs Zen

You'd have to ask Z or Witty Ditty about that!

B


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 9

Z

Yes,

Z (currently printing out something for my flatmate in the 24 hour computer cluster at medschool).


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 10

LL Waz

Yes there are?! Or yes that's who to ask? smiley - biggrin That 'Yes,' has just the air of distraction about it you could imagine when the trainee doctor stopped to puzzle over some anatomical label that was eluding him, or of course her.


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 11

Z

Ah..

That's for me to know and you to find out...


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 12

nadia

smiley - rofl

N


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 13

Kat - From H2G2

Amused smiley - laugh


"'e's a wordy, b*gg*r, this.."


Lose the first comma.

And perhaps actually put a link to something about Lady Chatterley? Just a thought. Otherwise it's just gratuitous doctor porn smiley - laugh


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 14

Z

So that's a bad thing right?


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 15

Kat - From H2G2

Oh of course! There are rules about these things...somewhere...smiley - laugh


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 16

LL Waz

I still haven't found out. We have a regular supply of young trainee doctors where I work. I'll have to design a questionnaire.


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 17

nadia

I think the Lady Chatterley referances (not least the title) are blatant enough to not need a link.

I think it's well crafted, clever and amusing. I don't know how front pageable it is but we'll surely find out.

N


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 18

Mrs Zen

Ach, it is entirely gratuitous, but sadly it isn't really porn.

To be honest, I think it is slightly over-long and I've been meaning to take a look at cutting it a tad.

smiley - biggrin

B


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 19

nadia

Yeah, it wouldn't hurt. It's clever and funny but the length has it edging towards self indulgent.

Still a good read and to my mind perfectly UGable even without editing.

N


A3206404 - Lady Chatterley's Sister

Post 20

Mrs Zen

Oh, it was self-indulgent all right!

I don't have editing rights on Z's version, but since it was a joint effort in the first place I've done some ruthless pruning and put up a second version.

You pays your money and takes your choice. Like a good torniquet, I think tighter is better, don't you?

A3364959

Ben


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