A Conversation for Peer Review

A87956068 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1984 - 1989

Post 1

Bluebottle

Entry: The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1984 - 1989 - A87956068
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

The first in a six or seven part series.

<BB<


A87956068 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1984 - 1989

Post 2

SashaQ - happysad and 'slightly mad'

smiley - ok This will be a valuable addition to the Guide in due course, as many of the Studio Ghibli films have inspired popular culture - I don't think I've seen any of the films in this segment, but I am certainly familiar with Totoro smiley - ok

As someone who doesn't know much about this subject, I struggled a bit to get into the Entry to find out what it is about, though... Let me see if I understand the second paragraph by paraphrasing it:

Studio Ghibli was a collaboration between Miyazaki, his close friend and fellow animator Isao Takahata (1935-2018), who had worked with him since 1968, and Toshio Suzuki. Miyazaki and Suzuki met in 1979 following Miyazaki's directorial debut, The Castle of Cagliostro. This film featuring thief Lupin III1 met with great critical success but made little impact at the box office, though it has since become a cult classic. At that time Suzuki was the editor of Animage, Japan's first popular magazine dedicated to animation and manga. Miyazaki was next planning to make a film entitled Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, set in the far future. Suzuki was interested, but was unable to secure investment from any film producers. The story was serialised as a manga in Animage, to great success. This persuaded investors, particularly Yasuyoshi Tokuma, founder of Tokuma Shoten Publishing, to finance the film. It became an instant hit. With Tokuma's investment, Miyazaki, Takahata and Suzuki founded their own animation studio. Thus Studio Ghibli was born.

Is that something like it?

I'm not sure I understand the translation error, either - in Italian it means 'hot wind from the desert', but in Japanese it means something else because of being pronounced differently? Gib-lee has G as in Golf rather than G as in Giblets?

" a surprising amount of time" - how surprising? smiley - bigeyes


A87956068 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1984 - 1989

Post 3

Bluebottle

Thanks for the read-through, I've mad some tweaks.

In Italian, 'Ghibli' is pronounced with a G like in Brothers Gibb, but in Japan the studio name is pronounced 'Ghibli' with a G like in 'Bee Gees'. In the UK, though, we tend to use the original Italian pronunciation of 'Ghibli' like Ghastly Ghostly Ghoul rather than 'Fibli' as in 'Rough'. 'Ghibli' in either pronunciation doesn't have any meaning in Japanese and as far as I am aware that doesn't change the meaning in Italian either, just is a mispronunciation.

" a surprising amount of time" - how surprising?smiley - yikes
How would you like me to measure surprise? If a Disney animated film is being translated from English into Japanese, let's say it normally takes about a month. How then does it take ten years for them to translate a film from Japanese into English?
Now me, I believe in the existence of people called 'translators' who are to be able to listen to what is being said and translate it instantly into another language. You see them in places like the UN with headphones on being able to hear in one language and translate speaking in another language simultaneously, it's amazing but they’re at the peak of the profession. A company like Disney would be able to afford people at the peak of the profession. If the UN can hire people to be able to translate speeches simultaneously, I reckon Disney could easily be able to hire translators who'd be able to give a very rudimentary, basic translation within 24 hours. Get some scriptwriters in to spice it up, get actors with voice synchronising experience and with motivation to get it done… – no, I don't see how it takes up to ten years.

<BB<


A87956068 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1984 - 1989

Post 4

Gnomon - time to move on

The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1984 - 1989

Hi BB. I've seen a couple of Studio Ghibli's films. This seems to be a good factual entry.

A little tidying:

Studio Ghibli is the most famous animation studio in Japan and have gained -->
Studio Ghibli is the most famous animation studio in Japan and has gained

These emphasise themes of peace, magic, hard work, wonder, flight, a sense of belonging to one's environment, strong elderly women and young girls.

-- This says that one of the themes is young girls. Is this what you meant? If you meant "strong young girls", then rephrase it like this:

These emphasise themes of peace, magic, hard work, wonder, flight, a sense of belonging to one's environment, and strong elderly women and young girls.

Other themes include magical castles, which may even walk or fly, travelling on important journeys by train, the threat of total or nuclear destruction.
-- since there are three themes listed, you should put "and" before the last one.

Giant robots also feature -- I'd say "Giant robots also feature in some films". I'm pretty sure there were none in Totoro.

Studio Ghibli originated following the collaboration with Miyazaki and Toshio Suzuki
-->
Studio Ghibli was formed following the collaboration between Miyazaki and Toshio Suzuki

Suzauki --> Suzuki

Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, a film set in the far future and tried -- put a comma after future to match the one after Wind

tried to interest investors, only to meet with no interest -- the repetition of "interest" makes this sound odd. You could try:

tried but failed to interest investors

In the second paragraph, you give the full title of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind three times. It would be OK to shorten it to just Nausicaä after the first time, although you can give the full title later in the entry.

The success of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind led Miyazaki and Suzuki, along with Miyazaki's close friend and fellow animator Isao Takahata (1935-2018), who had worked with Miyazaki since 1968, to found their own animation studio with Tokuma's investment.

-- there's a long gap in this between the subject "Miyazaki and Suzuki" and the verb "to found" which makes for difficult reading. You could reword it as follows:

The success of Nausicaä led Miyazaki and Suzuki to found their own animation studio, along with Miyazaki's close friend and fellow animator Isao Takahata (1935-2018), who had worked with Miyazaki since 1968, and with Tokuma's investment.

Miyzaki --> Miyazaki

which saw service by the Italian Air Force --> which saw service in the Italian Air Force

However due to a translation error caused by 'ghi' always being pronounced 'ji' in Japanese, though in Italian the word is pronounced 'gib-lee', the studio's name is pronounced 'Jib-Lee'.

This doesn't sound right. I don't know what you mean by 'ghi' always being pronounced 'ji' in Japanese, since Japanese uses a different alphabet from ours. Do you mean that the sound "gi" with a hard g does not exist in the Japanese? Your explanation of the word being pronounced "gib-lee" in Italian doesn't make much sense either because gib is normally pronounced jib in English.

You could say "In Italian, 'Ghibli' starts with a hard g, the same sound as the English word 'give'."

But you'll have to explain what you meant by the first part.

Yet it is fair to say that Miyazaki -->
Yet it is fair to say that Hayao Miyazaki
(since you mention a different Miyazaki in the previous sentence)

That's enough for the moment.

smiley - smiley G


A87956068 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1984 - 1989

Post 5

SashaQ - happysad and 'slightly mad'

smiley - ok

Yes, 10 years is a surprisingly long time...


A87956068 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1984 - 1989

Post 6

Bluebottle

Thanks Gnomon - I've tweaked the entry according to your comments. smiley - smiley

<BB<


A87956068 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1984 - 1989

Post 7

Gnomon - time to move on

Hi BB

That first section is much clearer now.

Yet it is fair to say that Yet it is fair to say that Hayao Miyazaki -- remove the duplicate phrase

Studio Ghibli's films were little seen outside. -->
Studio Ghibli's films were little seen outside Japan.

I don't think it is necessary to put a footnote detailing Harvey Weinstein's crimes on every mention of Miramax.

as well as distribute their upcoming film in cinemas, Princess Mononoke (1997), releasing the film in English in 1999.-->
as well as to distribute their upcoming film Princess Mononoke (1997) in cinemas, releasing it in English in 1999.

I still disagree with your description of the Bechdel Test.

You don't explain why you start your numbering of the films at 0 rather than 1.


Now for the individual films. Your biggest problem is the repetition of words or phrases, making the sentence clumsy or inelegant.

Nausicaä

all-but destroyed --> all but destroyed (this phrase occurs later on as well, in Fireflies)

Yet an aircraft carrying a surviving Warrior
-- remove the word "yet" at the start of this. You had a "yet" clause in the previous sentence making this one jar.

flying fortress flying boats -- this phrase doesn't really work because of the word "flying" in it twice. You could try fortress-like flying boats

The character of Nausicaä is named after a character in Homer's Odyssey -->
Nausicaä is named after a character in Homer's Odyssey

Her character's further adventures continued to be serialised -->
Her further adventures were serialised

listed it in 96th -->
listed it as 96th

Castle in the Sky

falls under the attack --> falls under attack

pendent --> pendant

a powerful ore that man once knew how to use to give cities the ability to fly.
-->
a powerful ore that was once used to give cities the ability to fly.

The Dola gang and the army are all after Sheeta and the crystal, which holds the key to discovering the abandoned, lost city which possess unfathomable knowledge and ultimate power.

This is too long, with two "which" clauses. You could split it with a colon:

The Dola gang and the army are all after Sheeta and the crystal: it holds the key to discovering the abandoned, lost city which possesses unfathomable knowledge and ultimate power

and note "possesses" rather than "possess".

Numerous powerful giant robots capable of flight that also destroy Air Destroyer Goliath as well as Muoro's fortress
-- remove "also"

Fox squirrels like the one seen in Nausicaä of the Valley of the Winds can be seen on Laputa
Fox squirrels like the one in Nausicaä of the Valley of the Winds can be seen on Laputa

the Laputian robot is based on a robot design -->
the Laputian robot is based on a design

Tokuma lacked interest -- when you say a person lacks interest, it means they are not an interesting person. That isn't what you intended to say. You could say "Tokuma was not interested"

Now you have to address the issue, what was Tokuma not interested in? He funded one of the two films and the other was funded by another investor. Was that he was not interested in funding the two films? This whole section could be better worded - you could say no investor was interested in funding both proposed films, but Studio Ghibli managed to get funding for each of the films independently and proceeded to make both at the same time.

Your footnote 5 is on the word Pass of the Bechdel Test. Is it anything to do with the Bechdel test? SHouldn't it be on the name of Mrs Yokokawa?

the film rights differ to the other Studio Ghibli films -->
the film rights differ from the other Studio Ghibli films

Totoro

Why Yasuko is in hospital is never specified - again this reflects a child's view of the world. No child understands adult medical conditions. You might like to mention this.

small, black furry soot animals -- add a comma after black

You say it was dubbed into English in 1989 but in the table it shows 1998. Which is it?

Kiki

an old, little black dress - should this be a "little, old, black dress" or are you using the phrase "little black dress" as in Coco Chanel? In that case I think it should be "an old little black dress".

The boy's name is Toboy in the Plot description and Tombo in the list of characters.

until after she does a good deed -->
until she does a good deed

Kiki also undertakes part of her journey by the symbolic train, after sheltering from the storm by following Jiji's advice of 'Don't panic!' Kiki hides in a railway wagon which takes her to the city.

I presume this is a single sentence (it's not clear because of the punctuation). It should be broken into two sections using a colon:

Kiki also undertakes part of her journey by the symbolic train: after sheltering from the storm by following Jiji's advice of 'Don't panic!', Kiki hides in a railway wagon which takes her to the city.

far from being a paragon -->
far from a paragon

the trams of San Francisco --> the cable cars of San Francisco

Despite Disney's changing 'coffee' to 'hot chocolate, when Disney released it in 1998, ultra-right wing US group Concerned Women for America announced they were boycotting the Walt Disney Company because of their 'dark agenda' that included promoting witchcraft.

-- the objection of the Concerned Women group says nothing about coffee, so there's no need to tell us that Disney changed coffee to hot chocolate (you've mentioned it in the previous sentence). Change this to:

When Disney released the film in 1998, ultra-right-wing US group Concerned Women for America announced they were boycotting the Walt Disney Company because of their 'dark agenda' that included promoting witchcraft

the number of cels completed were much lower than standard -->
the number of cels completed were much fewer than standard

smiley - smiley G


A87956068 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1984 - 1989

Post 8

Bluebottle

Thanks again, I've made all the changes suggested.

<BB<


Key: Complain about this post

A87956068 - The Ultimate Studio Ghibli Film Guide: 1984 - 1989

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more