A Conversation for Peer Review

A87954231 - Love Actually - the film

Post 1

summerbayexile

Entry: Love Actually - the film - A87954231
Author: summerbayexile - U208939

Hi all, Summerbayexile here. This is my first review for about 11 years so please be gentle with me! Hopefully it will be good enough to get picked and edited in time for the festive season! Any suggestions etc gratefully received.


A87954231 - Love Actually - the film

Post 2

Bluebottle

Welcome back! Great to see you here and writing againsmiley - applause
And I love the entry on 'smiley - love Actually'. The only thing I would suggest adding is that as well as watching this on the telly, it is well worth getting the film on DVD as there are fantastic extras including deleted scenes (and deleted storylines) and the whole of Billy Mack's music video. (Which reminds me, the soundtrack too is well worth purchasing, in my opinion). My girlfriend and I saw this in the cinemas and we're still together now.

Although if truth be told, back in 2003 I was smiley - brokenheart when 'Christmas is all Around' didn't get to number one in real lifesmiley - wah I'd done my bit and bought a copy, but no, 'Mad World' was instead. Which only goes to show it really is a mad smiley - earth sometimes.

I hope you get the Christmas magic smiley - santasmiley - magic to let this get to the front page in time for Christmas.

<BB<


A87954231 - Love Actually - the film

Post 3

Gnomon - time to move on

A87954231 Love Actually - the Film

Hi SummerBayExile. A good entry.smiley - applause

You mention Richard Curtis in passing. You should give him star billing! He wrote and directed it and is responsible for the tortuous plot lines and the wonderful dialogue. You could also mention some of his other successes, such as Blackadder, Four Weddings and a Funeral, and Notting Hill

Would it be worth quoting a few great lines from it, or would that be pandering to the people who already know the film but only confusing the ones who haven't seen it?

How do you distinguish between major and minor stories? I never noticed any of them to be any more or less important. Later in the entry you describe them all as "main stories", which surely means the same as "major stories"?

I always imagined Rufus as a Christmas Angel.

I don't understand your Phineas and Ferb reference. Could you provide a footnote?

You've a tendency to use long sentences - I've no problem with this but in some cases you can shorten them slightly by a slight rewording. I'll suggest these and it's up to you whether you use them or not.

It's a while since I've seen the film (last Christmas, of course) so I'm not sure of this: I thought that the Prime Minister's words were:

you'll find that love actually is all around

whereas you have it as

you'll find that love, actually, is all around

In mine, the word "actually" refers to "is". In yours, it refers to "love". Which did he say?

Some minor tweaks:

Tony Blair referenced it
-- I'd prefer:
Tony Blair referred to it

but it's up to you.

to learn how to play the drums --> to learn to play the drums

Portugese --> Portuguese

to set up nude scenes --> to set up nude sex scenes
(why be coy?)

When the ember of their attraction finally becomes a flame -- the place this is positioned makes it sound like the attraction between Sarah and her brother. You could say:

When the ember of attraction between Sarah and Karl finally becomes a flame... but that sounds clumsy. Think of some other way around this.

and at times plays a central role in certain scenes --> and plays a central role in certain scenes

Hugh Grant didn’t want to do the dance scene --> Hugh Grant didn’t like the scene

He wanted to know why the music could be heard throughout the building and why it suddenly stops. -->
Why could the music be heard throughout the building and why did it suddenly stop?

Finally, the airport scene at the end --> The airport scene at the end

a fairly poor taste joke --> a joke in fairly poor taste

The Karen and Harry story was left unresolved --> The Karen and Harry story is left unresolved

Some Christmas films do well when they first come out and fade away -->
Some Christmas films do well when they first come out but then fade away

the majority are appalling films that are largely and justifiably forgotten -->
the majority are appalling films that are justifiably forgotten

Love Actually belongs to a rare group of films --> Love Actually is one of those films

portraying a relationship in trouble with a seriousness -->
portraying a troubled relationship with a seriousness

from becoming too sickly --> from becoming too sickly sweet

for nearly all people --> for nearly everyone

Scrooge like characters --> Scrooge-like characters

for the first time or the 20th time --> for the first or the 20th time

smiley - smiley G


A87954231 - Love Actually - the film

Post 4

Gnomon - time to move on

And one more:

the majority are appalling films --> most are appalling films


A87954231 - Love Actually - the film

Post 5

Gnomon - time to move on

Kiera Knightley --> Keira Knightley


A87954231 - Love Actually - the film

Post 6

summerbayexile

Cheers Gnomon. I remember your invaluable input to many previous entries and I am glad that you're around to work through this one. smiley - ok You are correct about my tendency to use long sentences (!) and I will be using a number of your suggestions. In terms of the stories, I will take that on board and put it all under one heading. As someone who is very rusty, could you please remind me how to put in a footnote? Many thanks once again and I will go away and edit it.
SBE


A87954231 - Love Actually - the film

Post 7

summerbayexile

Hi there Bluebottle,

Many thanks for that. It is nice to see a few of the old crowd here to welcome me back. Thanks for the suggestion on the DVD. I will use that. Gnomon has given me a lot of tweaks to look at, but I have to admit that after a couple of false starts it was great to be back writing. I do have another couple of Christmas themed entries that I'm planning so watch this space!

SBE


A87954231 - Love Actually - the film

Post 8

summerbayexile

Thanks to Gnomon and Bluebottle! smiley - cheerssmiley - cheers I have added an entire section about Richard Curtis and also the soundtrack album and DVD. I have used almost all the suggested edits and it looks a more complete entry.

SBE


A87954231 - Love Actually - the film

Post 9

Gnomon - time to move on

Footnotes are done using the tags FOOTNOTE and /FOOTNOTE (surrounded by angle brackets, of course).

You should end your footnote with a full stop (before the /FOOTNOTE tag), and if it is at the end of a sentence it should have a full stop after the /FOOTNOTE tag.

For example:

The part of the Prime Minister is played by Hugh GrantThe guy in Notting Hill..

Of course if you're looking at this in Pliny, the previous sentence won't display properly.


A87954231 - Love Actually - the film

Post 10

summerbayexile

Cheers Gnomon smiley - cheers

Much obliged to you. The footnote is now in place.

SBE


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A87954231 - Love Actually - the film

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