A Conversation for Peer Review

A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 1

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

Entry: UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers - A87880693
Author: Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor - U1314679

I grew up with Mario, Super MArio World was one of the games I frequently played with my friends in elementary school. Today I own almost every MArio game of the main series and I still love them.

When I read the Entry we have about SUper MArio here on hootoo ( A3346995 ) I knew it needed an Update. I find it too long, too confusing and even almost impossible to read. I put quite some work into this update and changed the original Entry quite a bit.

One necessary step to make this readable in any way was to split it up into several Entries. In fact I now have a whole of 4 Entries at hand, but only the first 2 are finished so far ( A87880729 ) and I think it works even without the others being published.


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 2

Bluebottle

Good updates - these look very good to me, well donesmiley - wow

I am very curious as to whether you plan to complete the other two entries in the series? If so, with four entries you have potentially got a University Project going and you can choose to proceed down the Project route.

I know you've used the Project process before when you did the Austrian project, so you know that if you get a subeditor volunteer (Pick me! Pick me!smiley - ok) who would work closely with you, we can get the entries polished first and then submitted through Peer Review together.

It would also be an opportunity to perhaps include your excellent entry: A87854809 Mario Kart - the Video Game Series in the project as well, as it is a related entry too.

What do you think?

<BB<


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 3

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

I would like to finish all of them, yes, but I have no idea when I'll have them done. One is half finished, maybe a bit more, the other is still a stub and will need quite a bit of work before it is finished. If you want to work with me on them and do the subbing that would be great, but I'd really like to get on with the two which are in PR already and not wait to finished all 4 at the same time because it would very much delay these two.


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 4

Bluebottle

Fair enough smiley - smiley

A couple of points I've spotted so far:
Can I recommend that the first time you mention Princess Toadstool that you include her full name?

Is Wario worth mentioning as a recurring character?

<BB<


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 5

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

Will do that about the princess.

Wario actually only appears in the spin-offs. The Six Golden Coins for instance is not seen as part of the main series, so I only mention him in one of the yet unfinished Entries.


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 6

Bluebottle

As this you are doing an update, but updating one entry in a way that effectively splits it in two, I wonder whether it would be better if you have one of your two new entries as an Update and we treat the other entry as a new entry in its own right?
The update process, when completed, overwrites the original entry with the new version. We can't overwrite one entry into two entries.
So to keep things simple, how about we keep this entry as the Update, and your other entry as a normal entry that credits both you and Syxtfour that should go through Peer Review as normal?

Are there parts of Syxtfour's original entry that aren't in either this entry or the other one?

<BB<


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 7

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

Makes sense, I'll do that. I wasn't sure about how to handle it myself.

Yes, there are also parts of Syxtfour's Entry in both of my unfinished ones. He mixed everything together but it was incomplete, so I had no chance than to split things up and put in the incolmplete stuff.


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 8

SashaQ - happysad - Editor

Well updated - this Entry contains excellent details, and I learned a lot even though I'm fairly familiar with the Super Mario Bros universe smiley - ok

As I read through, I've spotted a few tweaks that I think are needed:

smiley - orib I see the phrase "Mario began his career with the arcade game Donkey Kong" is from the original Entry, but I think "Mario began his career in..." would read better.

smiley - mod I think Footnote 2 is not needed, as there are now more than just Gameboy games available, and you cover those in the other Entry smiley - ok

smiley - orib "Many people with older sibling" - should this be "an older sibling", or "older siblings"?

smiley - orib Footnote 3 - should that be "around the time of the release of Mario Bros..." ?

smiley - orib "Until this date " - "To date"

smiley - orib Footnote 4 isn't quite in the right place.

smiley - orib "spiney" - spiny

smiley - orib "parntal figure " - parental?

smiley - orib "In some games also appears Kammy Koopa, a female Magikoopa dressed like a witch and riding a broom." - this needs tweaking to something like:
"In some games Kammy Koopa, a female Magikoopa dressed like a witch riding a broom, also appears." or
"In some games Kammy Koopa also appears - she is a female Magikoopa dressed like a witch and riding a broom."

smiley - orib "they retreat to their shells" - into

smiley - orib "animate Koopa skelletons" - "animated Koopa skeletons"

smiley - mod "They have ordinary green petals and a stem " - petals, or leaves?

smiley - orib "Most of thems " - them

smiley - mod "'?' mark blocks" - perhaps say "blocks with a question mark '?' on them"

smiley - orib "?-box" - "'?' block"

smiley - orib "1-Up Mushrooms are green and add an extra life to Mario and Luigi, meaning that if they fail in compleating a level they can try again from a checkpoint. They were the first extra live items in video gaming ever."

"1-Up Mushrooms are green and give an extra life to Mario and Luigi, meaning that if they fail in completing a level they can try again from a checkpoint. They were the first extra life items in video gaming ever."

smiley - orib "rainbow colors." - colours

smiley - orib "transform them to different animals with differnt abilities." - into different animals with different abilities

smiley - ok


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 9

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

smiley - cheers Thanks a lot! Made the changes. smiley - smiley


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 10

Bluebottle

Due to the nature of updates, when updates go through Peer Review all the Editing has to take place before they leave Peer Review rather than by a subeditor after, so that they can get to a point of perfection while still in Peer Review as they then overwrite the original.

It all gets a bit confusing, but with that in mind I've copied and pasted the first couple of sections of the entry below (I stopped before the 'Its-a me!' section) and made a couple of minor changes. I've added links to different colours, put the opening quote in a blockquote and put in a link banner at the top. If you think those are changes you'd like to make, you could copy/paste these changes over the top half of your entry.

Hope it helps – why not have a look in a Preview and if you don't like it, feel free to ignore.

<BB<



The Super Mario Brothers
The Super Mario Games Series | Mario Kart - the Video Game Series

It's-a me, Mario!
I'm-a Luigi, number one!

Created by Shigeru MiyamotoHe later created the Legend of Zelda video game series., the Mario Brothers are two of the most influential videogame characters of all time. They have appeared in countless games and are famous all around the world. This was not only the breakthrough of Miyamoto as a game designer but also enabled Nintendo to become one of the most successful game producers in the world.

Jumpman To The Rescue

Mario began his career in the arcade game Donkey Kong, released in 1981. With the nickname of Jumpman and a job as a carpenter, Mario risked his life to save Pauline, the damsel in distress, from the large ape Donkey Kong.
The game was a huge success in Japan, and turned over a very significant profit in the United States. Considering the arcade industry's impending crash in the US, the results were very surprising to Nintendo. Demand was so high, in fact, that very large amounts of arcade cabinets that were to go to Nintendo's other games were converted to Donkey Kong machines to satisfy demand. A legend was born...

Brotherhood
After Mario abandoned his nickname and had a few more arcade adventures with Donkey Kong, his brother decided to enter the scene. From this time on whenever a two-player game of the Mario franchise was released, the first player would take on the role of Mario while the second player would be Luigi. Many players with older siblings still feel very attached to Luigi when they are adults. Mario and his brother, Luigi Mario, changed their profession to plumbers in the 1983 arcade game Mario Bros. Their mission was to defeat the crabs, turtles, bees, and freezies that emerged out of the pipes at the top of the stage. The game was a moderate successAround the time of the release of Mario Bros, Donkey Kong was ported to Mattel's Intelevision console, as well as Coleco's Colecovision. It would be Mario's only game for a non-Nintendo console..
According to the story the Mario Brothers are two Italian plumbers born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. Miyamoto once revealed that Mario's name is in homage to the landlord of Nintendo of America's (NoA) office in New York, Mario Segali, an Italian with a thick moustache. Luigi's name, however, was given simply because it was the most Italian name Miyamoto and his fellow designers could think of. The design of Mario and Luigi was a result of limitations of videogame hardware at the time. Hair was difficult to create, so they were each given a cap and overalls in a different colour. Overalls were easier to create then a real outfit, and a moustache meant that they could avoid creating a full face. Therefore the Mario Brothers trademark looks were developed out of a need for simplicity. At the start Mario had red overalls and a blue shirt, while Luigi debuted in white overalls with a dark green shirt. Why their looks changed is unknown, but their new looks stuck. To date Mario is small, slightly fat and wears blue overalls, a redshirt and a red cap, while his brother Luigi is larger, slim and wears green clothes and a green cap. Mario is the older brother, Luigi is a few years younger. However, many pieces of Mario merchandise still feature the plumber in his original outfit.
In games Luigi can jump and remain in the air longer than Mario but he has less traction. However, Mario is known more for his bravery, while Luigi seems to be afraid of ghosts. Mario's love interest is Princess Peach Toadstool, and Luigi's is Princess Daisy from Sarassaland, a world explored and saved in Super Mario Land, for GameBoy.


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 11

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

Sorry for taking so long. I hope I didn't miss anything.

Thanks a lot.


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