h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*enters furiously, dripping with white paint*

OK, who did this? I was at the bottom of the garden, minding my own business...

I suspect a few on these boards are off with the fairies ...

Minding your own business, Ivan? In the office at the bottom of the garden? The one with a crescent moon cutout in the door?

White - paint or lime?

Well, it doesn't taste like lime. It's not at all citrussy.

Well another busy day, I really pushed the boat out today. 3 knackered discs in my back, high blood pressure, stomach that giving up the ghost and a dodgy ticker to boot, yet I achieved a lot today, I will not bore you with the details but please trust me it hurt.
After making lamb shanks for dinners that I nearly ate if not for the sum discomfort of the day, I had a half hour nap to recoup.
Then with an hour and a half before top gear came on I mentioned going to the local shop to get the Sunday papers and having a pint in the local before going home.
What is this to do with fairies I can image you are saying to yourself, well it was the shower of fairies that were swanning around the pub that for all their efforts thought they were men but were not. I may be knackered , whether it’s a sign of getting old but who needs to read fairy tales when such lack lustre locals venture out trying to impress.