h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yup... square rootin's fun.

I tend to go in for a bit of Standard Deviation myself.

B

No normal forms, then?

B

We do have some inverse correlations...

B

Hi folks, this is my view. There is no such thing as a soul mate. There are a series of people with whom we have relationships which can successful and fulfilling or painful and sad or both. This can happen how ever a relationship begins, either arranged , a love match or what ever.
My experience has taught me that we fool ourselves in to thinking that we are not complete if we do not have a partner and so spend much of our time in pursuit of the perfect person to make us whole. This in my opinion is the fastest and most certain way to make people miserable.
To be truly content in a relationship and in life, we must first look with in and be truly happy with our selves, at peace with our own souls , or mates with our own souls first and to love life as an individual. Then if someone comes along, they become the icing on the cake and not the cake it self.

Been married twice, several other meaningful relationships and yes, I did meet my "Soulmate". A bit of back history - I had visited a place (for the first time) on holiday in 1979 that felt like I had known it before. I felt very comfortable there, but I let the feeling pass. In the late 1980’s I met a lady who I immediately got on very well with. We were very good friends for 6 years before we actually “Did” anything about it – but when we got to that point and when I looked in her eyes it was like being hit by lightning. I knew her from somewhere before is the only way I can describe it, and she felt the same.
We stayed together for two years before we mutually agreed to go back to the friends stage again, but I was still plagued by what this feeling was.
I will keep this bit short (At the risk of "Wierding" people out) but I had some regression therapy to uncover previous lives. It was very emotional and massively draining to go through but it did answer several questions that I had - and also explained why I felt totally at home when I visited that place in ‘79 for the first time. The lady concerned was there in my past life, and we were together with a daughter around the 1880’s .

Now before all the cynics say I was just imposing my fantasies onto the regression, or it was all just wishful thinking I had already thought that and largely dismissed the regression as my mind playing tricks. I realise that in regression you can simply relive moments from films, books or just plain fantasies – but something happened that I have no explanation for. The woman doing the regression was on the other side of the room speaking to me – at one point, my “Regression” wife laid down next to me and I felt the weight of her arm on my chest. I have no explanation of that part, but I do know that after that session looking into her eyes without any other physical contact was the single most mind blowing experience.

I am not a sceptic when it comes to those amazing sorts of experiences but maybe I should be.
I worked with a man for a year who
I wasn’t particularly physically attracted to but to whom I was strangely drawn. We both later described it as chemistry, like nothing I had ever felt before. When we eventually started the relationship, it was incredible. I have never shared or felt such depth of love and emotion before or since. We cried at the depth of our love and passion for each other.

Unfortunately, I subsequently found out that he felt exactly the same way about the previous girlfriend and probably the wife too !!!!!!

good job I had myself to fall back on

As has been pointed out, there can't be just one soulmate per person out there, but it is possible that there are many potential soulmates.
I think it possibly has more to do with one's own character & personality. Those who are able & willing to give themselves totally to someone else are perhaps more likely to feel they have met a soulmate. Others who are more practical & reserved will judge a relationship by different criteria.

I guess I haven't lived enough to be sure of what I really want - companionship, affection, understanding, someone to fuss over, a f**k buddy; someone who can cook, for the love of God. But for reasons I won't labour here I gravitate, every time between profound mistrust of any relationship and complete investment so I guess I stand to get hurt by the expectations. I can see a definite case for being self-reliant and self-possessed, and hope these days to make a better case for it in my own life, all things considered - but with the best of intentions it doesn't keep you warm at night, and something always craves a close relationship, idyllic or otherwise.

Right now I'm fairly comfortable by myself. Though I'm always up for a Laplace Transform.

There's a lot we can learn from other cultures, we shouldn't dismiss them as being 'silly' because they don't match our ideals.

For instance I've learnt how to cook the Balti Saag Aloo I've just had for my tea.()



How many non-arranged marriages orginally got together because it was convinence? How many people ended up falling in love with the idea of the relationship that they both wanted. Why else would dating agencies claim success because they introduce people 'with the same goals'.

Many of my friends whose parents have had arranged marriages say that they seem happy and in love. I've met elderly couples who had arranged marriages orginally and they also seem happy and in love.

I think people do fall in love out of convinence, it happens all the time.



From my knowledge of Indian and Pakistani culture - which is limited, but more than some people on this thread seem to have, - there is a much stronger emphasis on family - and people do seem to make scarfices out of duty to the family.

A while ago one of my grandparents was ill and no one in my family was able to take time off work apart from me. I managed for a couple of days but then had to stop because I had an exam coming up - so she had to go into hospital . My Asian friends were horrified at how selfish I'd been, because such an action would be very shameful in their culture, my white friends, and family, told me not to feel so guilty, because they'd have done the same.



I'd suggested to my Gran that I should have put of the exam until the resit, and she said that if I let my education suffer because of her she'd feel even worse.

Incidently she's back to her old self, which is very good in fact, fantastic for an 87 year old.



I only post this story because I think that whereas in our culture we may see having to let down ones family because we have an exam as an unplesent necessity, whereas in other cultures it is seen as a selfish aborhence- then I would imagine that leaving the father of ones children because you didn't love them would be seen as selfish and unforgiveable in another culture.

Z (trying to start a trend of using smilies other than to break up a long post).

"Doctor is in" how beautiful! I got shivers. I think we each have only one true soul mate; I heard some story about the first man and woman that were created and they had to part and the woman's heart or soul litterally broke in half so it could join him. And it is through the eyes we see our soulmate; if you look into someone's eyes and see yourself reflected they are your soul mate. There is a spell to find your soul mate too; toss two coppers into the air and say "May we each find our soul mate". This spell is to be used with caution (as is any) because your soul mate may not be your best mate; though I disagree with the latter.
My question is how do you know for sure? And why do you seldom know until it's the most inconvenient time? Like you've moved on and run into each other later on and the eyes meet, lightning strikes, and etc.,...........

I'd say myth but its unprovable either way.
If you believe in it, believe you've met your romantic match and are wrong poor you.
From the little I know of arranged marrieges Z is right, they often work very well. Also its usual to meet your potential partner before the marriege. Seems to me what we call love is often a mixture of lust and infatuation. Only over time through getting to know someone can real love grow.

I think we all have MANY potential soul-mates, becuase as pointed out mathematically the chance you'd meet if there was only one is absolutely intimidating. And when you meet a potential soul-mate and feel all the amazing chemistry and clouds of rose-petals and so on, you then can work together to become true one-and-only sole-mates. Or you can assume that as they are your soul-mate it has already all worked and b***er the whole relationship up by sitting back and basking smugly in said short-lived rose-petals.

Soul-mates are made not born. Which is why arranged marriages sometimes work, and whirlwind romances sometimes work, and marrying your childhood sweetheart sometimes works, and getting divorced six times and meeting the seventh sometimes works. Note extensive and deliberate ironic forshadowing of next point by repeated use of the W word: -

Love is very hard work. Wonderfully, gloriously, perfectly worth it, but hard work all the same. It can be fun hard work. It can be awful during the ugh bits. Some people enjoy it and find it comes so natural that they don't realise they are hard at work nurturing the relationship. Others are bad at it and don't realise they are putting nothing into the relationship. A soul-mate would be one you were willing and happy to work at love for, and who would be just as willing and happy to work at it for you. You can't find that out at first sight.

I have been married to my soul mate for 48 years.
In 1955 I was engaged to a girl from my home town.
I was due to go to Switzerland to visit my sister and at the last minute decided not to go. However as I was packed for a holiday an Aunt suggested I get on a train and go as far as I could just for the adventure. It had to be either Scotland or Cornwall. I chose Cornwall and ended up staying in a guest house with another lad of my age. He suggested I go with him to the local dance and meet some girls. The first girl I saw there I fell violently in love with, immediately. I danced with her all evening. She told me she was engaged to a soldier and nothing would come of our meeting. I saw her again two days later and she had broken her engagement. The day before I was due to go home I asked her to marry me. She said yes. I went home gave up a good job, upset my family and the ex girlfriend. We married three months later and I am still mad about her. I have never been unfaithful and would not consider it. I still think she is the most beautiful woman on earth. we have faced huge problems including our eldest son being killed, but our love has never wavered. There is someone out there for everyone, but if we meet our soulmate we are extremely fortunate

Bloody hell, kifperran. That is amazing. I am alway awe-struck by stories like yours. And humbled.

B

Yeah, what Ben said.

What a gorgeous love story, kifperran. It made my heart soar.

Thank you!


az

Thank you for your kind words. I know we are very lucky. If you were to see us you would see two old wrinklies with grey hair and arthritis. When we look at each other we see two beautiful young people with dreams in their eyes.

That is a beautiful story - and reading it gives me hope for the future .

Thank you for posting it.

What Z said. It's nice to know that this *can* actually happen.

Noggin

Hmmm.

I agree with the article in Kindred Spirit, and I'd like to believe that I've met my soulmate. However, I think that the belief in a soulmate can cause a serious rift in a relationship, and perhaps end it eventually. Let me explain...

If you believe in the one true love blindly, there is a danger that when the 'right' person comes along, you might put them on a pedestal and expect them to be perfect. You might also expect the passion never to fade, that you'll never have an argument - in short, that you'll never have to work at the relationship. Obviously, in the real world, people move on, they change. So there is a risk, if you are naive enough to believe that being with a 'soulmate' doesn't require any work, that you will argue, grow apart and eventually separate.

I know that when I started seeing my partner, I was walking on air for a few weeks. My heart would flutter when she walked in the room - I had all the calssic signs. THat was four years ago. We'd both been burned before and we'd both learned from it, we knew that we were going to have to work at the relationship to keep it going. Yes, she's my one true love, and she's my best friend as well as my partner. But we both take time out for ourselves, make sure that neither of us stagnates, and most importantly we talk to each other.

Sorry for the lengthy response but it's some thing I@ve thought about lots. I think arranged marriages last longer in this country because people go into them with their eyes open. A lot of love matches fail because people rush in with their eyes closed.

Never forget, your partner is only human too, even if they seem to be perfect.