A Conversation for Ask h2g2

Thinking Man's Sport?

Post 41

Blatherskite the Mugwump - Bandwidth Bandit

Yes, commentators can make it seem like hours, especially if they're idiots (Dan Dierdorf, Boomer Esiason, and John Madden come racing to mind). If they're not, though, their insight can help make the game more entertaining, because they can give you a clearer picture of what's going on than you might get yourself. You have a myopic view of the field through the camera, following the ball and its immediate area. The commentators can draw your attention to some of the battles that occur away from the ball, and show you the impact it had on the previous play.

I'm not old enough to remember how they did it in the old days, but at peewee games, a special timekeeping official watches the delays. Just ten years (ish) ago, the play clock was 45 seconds, but league officials realized they needed to speed up the game.

As for baseball, it is no longer the number one sport in the US because of the delays. A typical at-bat follows this pattern:

Batter steps up to plate.
Batter takes a few practice swings.
Batter spits and grabs himself.
Batter digs cleats into dirt.
Batter finally looks toward pitcher.
Pitcher stares at catcher for signal.
Catcher signals a pitch.
Pitcher shakes head.
Pitcher tosses the ball to first base in a half-hearted attempt to pick off the runner.
Base runner casually saunters back to the bag.
First baseman tosses the ball back to the pitcher.
Catcher shows same signal.
Pitcher spits, then shakes head emphatically.
Batter calls timeout.
Batter looks at third base coach, who waves his arms as if sending semaphore signals.
Batter nods and returns to the batter's box.
Batter takes a few practice swings.
Batter digs cleats, spits, and grabs himself, not necessarily in that order.
Pitcher shakes off the same signal from the catcher for the third time, and sends murderous looks at him.
Catcher the old upraised middle finger sign.
Pitcher throws at first again.
Pitcher fondles resin bag.
Pitcher fondles self.
Pitcher removes his cap and runs his hands through sweat and hair gel.
Pitcher wipes sweat and hair gel onto ball.
Pitcher finally delivers the ball. A mighty crack resounds as the ball sails over the wall in foul territory. Begin procedure again.

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 42


Perhaps 'Why don't the intolerant prigs amongst you...' might have been a better wording. Not *all* of us here were trying to sour international relations.

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 43


Potholer: You're absolutely right. I crawled out of the wrong side of the bed, and this thread didn't exactly do much to improve my mood... Still.. I would imagine those that fit the description know who they are and those that don't know that, too. smiley - winkeye

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 44

Blatherskite the Mugwump - Bandwidth Bandit

Nony: Do like I do, and capture the moral high ground by maintaining your sense of humor. Eventually, the prigs have to notice that they're saying terrible things, and mostly being ignored.

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 45

Is mise Duncan

You can't - those that don't have the money to buy you off have the guns to shoot you....

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 46

Blatherskite the Mugwump - Bandwidth Bandit

I think having guns is a good thing. If Canadians had more guns, maybe their government wouldn't be giving away taxpayers' money to the local hockey clubs.

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 47


Isn't Canada bigger than the United States?

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 48


When it comes to guns, I think the late Bill Hicks encapsulated the entire issue:-

"In the USA, where we love guns, there were 23000 deaths from Guns last year.
In the UK, where nobody has guns, there were fffffffffourteen. 14.
Now let me run through those numbers again, because they're a little baffling at first glance

In the USA, where we love guns, 23000. In the UK, where NOBODY has guns, 14.

BUT there's NO connection (and you'd be a fool & a communist to think that there is) between having a gun then killing someone, and NOT having a gun and NOT killing anyone with it.

Still, the Brits kill 23000 people per soccer game, which just goes to show that no system's perfect "

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 49


And now, on a totally unrelated note, Gargle, may I direct your attention for a moment to an old thread:


(I've left a note there for you. smiley - winkeye)

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 50

Blatherskite the Mugwump - Bandwidth Bandit

And answered. Good job dragging my attention to it, or I would have missed it completely. smiley - winkeye

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 51

Bald Bloke

Its not just some yanks who behave like that when on visiting another country.
I had the misfortune to spend a week at a hotel in spain which was otherwise full with a plane load of the british equivalent, who spent the whole time windging about the locals and facilities, while refusing to eat anything other than "British" food and beer brands they recognized from home.
They were a right pain in the arse.
We managed to escape to nearby restraunts / bars, where we pigged out on local seafood and got blotto on the wine and the locals were a great bunch when you got to know them.

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 52

The invisible leprechaun

Being the uncultured drivel pouring American that I am, I shall continue to enjoy Douglas Adams, Monty Python, Are You Being Served?, cricket, football (go Michael Owens!!!), and the like. I will also continue to enjoy football (Go Brett Farvre!), lemonade that does not contain carbonation, The Simpsons, basketball, and the like. And speaking for Americans, most of us are confounded as to how Jerry Springer stays on the air, but it seems to be from the support of UK as well! When I visited Brighton, the people I met seemed to love Jerry Springer, Dawson's Creek, and Friends.
Hmm.. I met a person in London who said to me, "You are American? I thought all Americans had big butts and wore baseball caps." It seems there are misconceptions on both sides of the fence.
So tough. You can't stop me from enjoying your culture and I will continue to post my meaningless and generally uncultured drivel on this site.

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 53


Fair enough.

What I want to know is why are the yanks on Volume 8 of Monty Python on DVD while in the UK they're still on Volume 1. I can put up with early releases of films that they've made but surely we should get releases of Python first

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 54

Blatherskite the Mugwump - Bandwidth Bandit

Have money...will travel. US economy being what it is, and its population being what it is, there's more money in it in the US. And I wouldn't be at all suprised if they're being mastered by a US company, which would surely explain the lag.

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 55


Last November I attended my first american football game. I was given the ticket as a gift by a college roomate. If I had known what i was in for I would have walked over to the stove, ignited the buner and watch the oldest of mans mysteries go to work.

My college roomates were football fanatics. Though I tried to understand the game I could not.

The game (I found) was excruciatingly dull. One team would initiate a play. The game would then pause for five minutes while the television sponsors gould plug their product. Following that the teams would then take five more minutes to gather their senses. Do football players have any? This scenario was dragged out over a four hour period. The game is "theoretically" only supposed to last one hour. I was also repeatedly accosted by three men to my right for not showing the proper enthusiasm. It nearly came to blows but was quickly resolved.

I suppose I have a hard time understanding any american sports. I also have a great disdain for McDonalds, Coca-Cola... the list is large and I don't want to type it.

I completely understand why so many out there dislike the U.S. Hell, I live in Massachusetts and I don't like us all that much.

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 56


Be Nice...

I admit I find the presumptive definitions of His Billness's
minions on the English language rather irritation (American English?),
to say nothing of the unauthorised spelling changes.

Then again I define sport as a dirty, sweaty precursor to War.

Drivel can be fun, witty, and lead to interesting conversations threads.

Drivel is Not Prohibited.
Drivel is Universal.
Drivel is Mostly Harmless.

And I will defend to my last Chocolate the right of H2G2'ers to Drivel.

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 57


I refuse to be defined by Coca-Cola, McDonalds, or *gag* talk show hosts. smiley - winkeye

I do, however, rekkon (you don't like hillbillyese? tough. smiley - winkeye) I was showing my own intolerance above... You see, classification of people, in pretty much -any- form, is one of those things about which -I'm- not very tolerant.

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 58


From the small amount I've unfortunately been unable to avoid seeing, I reckon it's probably easier for many people to watch something like Jerry Springer if they _don't_ live in the country it's made in.
That way, they can satisfy whatever personal need they may have for real scrape-the-bottom-of-the-barrel TV, whilst at the same time feeling hypocritically superior because it's a foreign show.
(Either that, or they just feel *intensely* grateful that they live on a different side of the Atlantic to the guests and audience.)

Oh, come now...

Post 59

The Traveller

I feel the need to put in here that we are all one people, one family, one world.

I'm a little hurt by the America-bashing. I am an American, so I guess that's natural.

I'm also hurt when I see England-bashing. Or gay-bashing. Or male-bashing. Or Jew-bashing. Or woman-bashing.

I may or may not belong to any of these groups, but I am hurt when I see these things regardless.

Can't we all just get along?

The Traveller
ISO-9001 Certified

how to STOP Americans.........

Post 60


This sounds fishy... 1) how many more people are in the United States than the UK? This doesn't make it any more proportionalized but it should be taken into account 2) Just because there were less deaths with guns doesn't mean there weren't any deaths... murderers just found different murder weapons to use since there weren't any guns 3) There are WAY more crazies in the United States than the UK. I'm American, so I can safely say this.

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