h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

thank you....

Sneijder - Maybe they know, and that is why you get all the crap foisted on you?

Todays petty hate : floppies that decide to corrupt once I save 50,000+ words on them...hasn't happened for a while. But I live in fear.

Sat, back up your work dear

Itinerant tinkers and didicois who pretend to be gypsies who come around offices to read palms and sell crappy lucky charms.

Chapped lips

People who nudge your shopping along the conveyor belt at the supermarket. Will an inch really make that must difference?

*much

Ooh oooh oooh I got one! Life!!!

Fat people. (if you're fat, don't go out, the sight and quite often the smell of you is offensive to normal people, OK? (Mind you, given the epidemic of obesity we're told is sweeping the "developed" nations soon the fat people will be the "normal" people) Just get the huge quantities of food you must have to consume delivered - it'll save you the pressure on your already over-stressed knee joints, and save the rest of us the sight of you)

Thin people. (stop being so bloody smug, you're just lucky you're not fat, unless you diet and exercise properly, in which case you're an obsessive and I hate you too)



Old people. (you expect me to respect you because you're old? The only thing you've done is manage not to die yet, and you don't get respect for that. Try again.)

Young people. (you know NOTHING. Don't even BOTHER trying to debate this, you are wasting your time. By the time you do know anything about anything, it will be too late. Give up now.)



Pessimists. (Prophecies of doom are very often self-fulfilling, so just STOP it!)

Optimists. (the universe is a more complex place than it is possible to imagine, and wishful thinking DOES NOT WORK.)



Short people. (it's not my fault you can see the hairs in my nose, so lose the attitude)

Tall people. (height does not equal intelligence, OK? I hope you bang your head.)



Thick people. (which part of "please do not unfasten your seatbelts until the aircraft has come to a halt" did you not understand, you f**king moron? (at least three candidates on every single flight I've ever been on)).

Clever people. (You can debate dialectical materialism. Whoopy f**kin doo. So why do you need help to wire a plug/change a tyre/bake a loaf, genius?)



Vegetarians, especially vegans. (You have pointy teeth for a reason.)

Smokers. (You stink, you'll get ill, I'll have to pay for your care.)

Non-smokers. (You most likely stink of something else, you'll get ill from something else, I'll have to pay for your care, and it won't be as easy to blame it on something)

EX-smokers: (You'll stink of mint, most probably. You'll STILL get ill and die after care I've paid for, and to add insult to injury on the incredibly rare occasions I do light up YOU will have a go at ME, you sanctimonious born-again t**t).



Drunks. (get a grip)
Teetotallers. (get a life)



Fundamentalists. (relax!)
Agnostics. (make your mind up!)



Sports, and especially sports fans. (every year less than ten interesting things happen in sports. The rest is just noise)
People who drive down the middle lane of an empty motorway.



Cats. (too prissy)
Dogs. (too stupid)
Hamsters. (too vulnerable)
Budgies. (too pointless)
Fish. (too unresponsive)
Obvious puns (like, e.g. "pet hates"...)



And finally, the people I hate most of all... people who say they're giving something up, and then keep on going back to it "just one last time..."

Sheesh I REALLY hate those guys.

H.

Unsolicited opinions.

Questions that apparently show concern, but are in fact asked to gain gossip fodder.

Hoovooloo said:>>Fat people. (if you're fat, don't go out, the sight and quite often the smell of you is offensive to normal people, OK? (Mind you, given the epidemic of obesity we're told is sweeping the "developed" nations soon the fat people will be the "normal" people) Just get the huge quantities of food you must have to consume delivered - it'll save you the pressure on your already over-stressed knee joints, and save the rest of us the sight of you)<<

Oooooo! Who lit your fuse? As one who is the large economy size, I resent what you have said. What do you consider "normal?" Obviously not thin, either. And if you have to see me while I am going to get my food (or any of the thousand and one other things I do during a normal week), then you just have to get over yourself.

>>Old people. (you expect me to respect you because you're old? The only thing you've done is manage not to die yet, and you don't get respect for that. Try again.)<<

Yes, I'm getting old, too! And again, get over yourself!

>>Tall people. (height does not equal intelligence, OK? I hope you bang your head.)<<

An yes, I am tall, too. So shut up before this fat old tall guy sits and you, squashes you with my bad knees, hit you with my cane, and suffocate you with my smell!


(You know, you really ought to get a life, or better yet, sign up for some anger management sessions. You must have a h*ll of a life, hating all these people and things. Don't you know what that will do to your stomach? Geesh, you must have ulcers on your ulcers.)

Final pet hate: people don't understand jokes, or worse don't even understand that some things ARE jokes, even when you make it painfully obvious, at great length, repeatedly, and finish off with a punchline, or even a SET of punchlines, which should make it clear to anyone just what it is you're doing.

H.
Wondered if this place had changed at all over the last month or so.
Not surprised at the answer.

(as a short fat cat-owner....I thought that was cool, and with your permission I'mm gonna e-mail this to a pile of folk who need cheering up Hoovooloo... )

Pet Hate : People who complain at the bus driver because no bus turned up earlier

1: It's not the drivers fault..he drives a bus, he don't own the bus company
2: We are already late cause the earlier bus didn't turn up, could you shut up and get IN the bus, cause you are making us later
3: We know the bus is late, don't pend the whole time muttering loudly about the fact...some of us are trying to catch up on the sleep we lost trying to get the earlier bus.

I'm with you on Hoovooloo, gave me a good chuckle.

People who jump the queue for the bus.

Bus queue? What is this? I don't think it's reached London yet..

People who queue at bus stops and then treat me like scum because although I got there first I wanted to have a bit of persnal space while I waited rather than standing next to a scummy bin.

Weather

Again I say...bin? At a bus stop? Unheard of...

Bland but healthy food.

Tasty but evil food.

The fact that there isn't enough tasty but healthy food

k who manages to be both Hoo's first and second pet hate - fat, but obsessive with the diet and exercise.

Made me H.

And Zantic, I'm woth you on the moaning at bus drivers...