h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And then there's that anoying little "cough" that Michael Jackson comes out with, it comes out of the back of his throat in mid-line and it sounds like a toned-down Monica Seles grunt... midway between cough and hiccup, by the sound of it!

There are lots of things that are illegal that don't really hurt anyone.

As for being on a crusade the main people I get annoyed with are medics who nag me constantly about my weight. Yes I know I'm over-weight and that carries health risks - but I'm a grown-up it's up to me if I want to run those risks. As Bobby and Britiany sang "that's my perogative". As a Londoner I know life is risky - it's just a question of what you think is worth the risk. You just can't live your life thinking I'll keep to the rules and I'll be safe - you might not be. I demand the right to make my own judgement calls within the framework of not unnecessarily risking others.

With respect - yes there are a lot of bad drivers out there - I live in London - so definately not disputing that. If you drive you know that the secret of good driving is driving in a way that is appropriate to the conditions of the road - that doesn't always mean driving slowly (in fact sometimes driving too slowly can be as dangerous as driving too fast) and if you are a good driver you know when you can drive fast and when you can't - the secret is thinking and watching ahead far enough. I think in Germany there are actually no speed limits on their autobahns and the Germans are not known for their recklessness. Unless you actually drive your knowledge of driving is confined to the theoretical and theory always varies from practice. I don't mean to be insulting as you obviously mean well but it's easy to think in ideals if you not actually in the field so to speak.

To return to original point in one city they DID set up speed cameras to make money and when the drivers slowed down and didn't get flashed they took them anyway again as they weren't making them any money. So the idea of speed cameras being used is not a complete excuse invented by speeding motorists.

With the whole mariah carey and celine dion issues, Im sure ive said it before but if I wanted to listen to an animal in pain, then I'd torture the cat... at least thats free. Mariah carey should be drowned in a large bucket of something retrieved from a pig farm that has sat in the sun for at least a month!
Sealion Dyin' and that song from that film Titanic, it should never be played within 500 miles of ANY living thing, plants and microscopic things included!! Personally, Id prefer to boil my head in rabbit urine than hear anything by eaither of them!

Oh, and while Im ranting, 'Titanic'? Why?? Everyone knows what happened there have been more than enough documentaries about it. Why on earth did they feel the urge to make a film, no, an epic thats so boring and that I felt the urge to claw my eyes out and forcibly stuff razorblade laced cotton in my ears.

Why, oh why, oh why oh why?

Volvo drivers is another one. Does the arrogance come as an added feature with the car?

Volvo drivers. Yeeck. Have you ever tried to drive a Volvo?? The serious expression on the driver's face is a result of the concentration required to drive a tank with minimal steering capacity in a built up area.

As for singers, both male and female, who think it's a good idea to fit as many notes into each phrase as humanly possible ... they all should be sent to a small desert island and each given a microphone and an amplifier and "sing" each other to death.

My father-in-law used to drive a Volvo... his driving habits have mellowed somewhat since he got a Rover.

I hate four by fours especially in cities - completely impractical, driven just to show who rich you are (which I've never seen the point of either) and encouraging of a get out of my way because I drive a big car attitude.

I also the arrogance of a lot of saloon car drivers is staggering. I'm sure there are responsible large car drivers out there and let's face it's always the idiots of stick out in any group but a lot seem to drive as if they own the road and except everyone else to pander to them. Me and hubbie own a new mini and the large car drivers hate being overtaken by us. They seem to have a deep inferiority complex that will not allow them to be over-taken by a smaller car.

BTW - a love the idea of warbling singers island. I really really hate "My Heart will go on and on and on". Although I like "Titanic" it is completely over-rated "A night to remember" is a better film about the Titanic disaster.

I have no problem with 4x4s, but everything has its place and in this case the school run ain't it. It gives me a good feeling when I see a 4x4 caked in mud because I then know that it's used for the purpose it's built for rather than just for showing off...

A farmer needs a 4x4, someone who does off-roading as a hobby needs a 4x4, a middle-class mum doesn't need a 4x4.

I'm going to shock the hell out of by completely argueing with every word you've said.

I did know a guy once who had a old style Land Rover and used to go off-roading in it but I have a big problem with in cities.

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I think you mean 'agreeing'! After all the posts about speeding you arguing with me would shock me at all!

the 4x4 thing reminds me of one of the few really funny sketches in "French and Saunders" (ie, made me laugh out loud).

Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders play materially competitive Islington mothers doing the school run every morning; they are seen to try to outdo each other in a series of improbably larger vehicles, beginning with 4x4's and "people carriers", and scaling up, and up, and up, until Dawn French is driving her kids to school every morning in an Army-surplus Saracen armoured car (eight very large wheels, 8x8, thirty feet long, turret mounting impressive weaponry, this runs over and crushes several Ford Escorts et c, then Dawn pops her head out of the turret and shouts "Morning, Jen!", before shooing the kids out.) The next day, Jennifer Saunders drives her kids to school in a Chieftain tank...

Says it all about the sort of mind-set that buys "Islington Tractors"!

Yes sorry I did mean agreeing. Brain is obviously malfunctioning today.

My brain's not too hot today either, but being a Grammar God I tend to spot these things...

I hate it when you go to the supermarket and do a big shop, get home, unpack all the items and put them away, and then realise one thing you bought is missing. Am I mistaken and it's not really missing and I've put it away in the wrong place? Has it fallen out of the bag in the boot of the car? Did I not pack it in the bag at the supermarket and left it on the till? Is it on the receipt? Did the woman actaully scan it? Wheres the receipt gone? That one thing 'missing' or remaining unaccounted for blights everything. I also hate it that I hate things like this. They are really irrelevant and not worthy of hatred really, but I do.

I hate it when you go to the supermarket just to get one thing and then come out with fifteen things... none of which are the thing you originally went in to get.

I hate it when you look for something frantically, just to realise after 15 minutes or so you can't remember what you're looking for anymore.

I also hate big brother (big BOTHER) and other such stupidities under the name of 'Reality TV'. I agree with the comedian who said they should be eliminated from the Big Brother House into the back yard, which would be completely empty, and no one would ever notice or interview them ever again.

Specialist quizzes with stupid irrelevant questions. Such as "Why did Gary Linkeker's nan miss his debut for Tottenham?" in a 'football' quiz.

A Question Of Sport go the whole hog and have whole rounds that are irrelevant. What the heck is an observation test doing in a sports quiz?! I've watched the programme wanting to test my sporting knowledge only to be asked "How many shoes can you spot in the next sequence?".

Pathetic little jobs-worths who just make people's lives more difficult because they can. Had a nasty little incident with a little on the trains because "only two bikes are allowed on the train at any one time" ignoring the facts that the other two bikes were tiny, not even half the size of mine, all three bikes were completely out of anybody's way and that the train in question was the only option other than a two hour wait or a massive detour followed by a 10 mile cycle.
I took the detour and the bike ride and shall do hereafter, I refuse to use this company again

The thread about car registrations reminded me of one of my hates - personalised car registrations. These things make me cringe. Why not buy a cheap and boring plate and help a hungry or homeless person?

people who insist on buying their pet a bazillion toys that they dont so much as LOOK at.