h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The best I ever heard was (after a drunken new years kiss with a complete stranger)

"So, do you want to get it up then?"

If only I could've. Amnesia isn't the only thing that happens if you get drunk enough you know.

Sad, but true. I don't recall ever using that one, though. My favorite line to use is walking up to a guy, and
placing my finger in the middle of his chest and stating, "YOU can be my next lover" Amazingly, this actually
works. Even on guys who are sober. Too bad I can't suffer from memory loss when I'm drunk.

Man Who Can('t):

What's your sign? Never used it either... at least not as an opening line.

You'd laugh hysterically if I told you my sign. Probably say something like "Drink a lot do you deary? That's why"

Actually I can usually, embarrassingly so sometimes.

How about "Greetings, can I interest you in casual sex?" - I tried that on the girl at Pizza Hut once but it didn't work. Can't think why.

What was this forum about anyway?

Come to think of it you can find out my sign from my homepage. Or at least find out where to look.

Did I just miss an opportunity.

You walk up and ask me my sign and I tell you to go to my homepage. Idiot.
Let me rewind.....

My sign? Oh I never tell anyone that - the people who are for real can usually work it out.

Let's sit down over here (in this dark and secluded corner) and see if you can guess.....

That's better, we can Hey! lok at the way the reflected light highlights your amazing

etc

now come on people - get real - that sign line will probably only result in a thump to the jaw or worse !!!

Good god - has that line not become extinct by now ??????!!!!
Please - be more original/ human / anything !!!!!!????

Has this line worked any better ?????
SAD !!!

I have seen the light....http://www.h2g2.com/A180802

Sorry, don't know what came over me. I just had an amazing vision of a holy war in Northamptonshire.

Anyway, where were we?

My favourite line was always

...uhhhhh, hello?

The problem is, you always need a follow up line. Now that's tricky.

I find that if someone syas hello to me I'll generally reply better than to any pick-up lines but then again I don't believe in playing stupid mind games.

Kissing a girl's hand can be quite good. Years ago I did this as a farewell to someone when I couldn't think of anything else to do (in the days before I realised girls could actually occasionally fancy me as well) and got a look as I left that'll haunt me to my grave. But I was so much older then: I'm younger than that now.

Mmmmm. Uhhhhhhh, Bells, er..... hello, I, er...... that is to say...mmmm...er...

Go on, go on...

....mmmmm, errr... what I was meaning to say was..., aaahhh, would you.... mmmmm.. I mean, we could...(oh god) mmmmm, I er...

Hello?

*Winning Smile*

Glad I've got this wall to rest my my 10x40's on. Can't be sure from this distance, Vlad, but I think she blushed...

Yep, that's the winning smile for you. Never fails.

Later on I like to go in for the kill with the puppy dog eyes.

Vlad.

What, you just hand her two puppy dog eyes and she's all yours? Unless she's vegetarian I suppose.

OK,

Believe it or not this actually works;
Walk up to a girl, tell her something along the lines of "I know this sounds corny, but you keep catching my eye, so I thought I'd introduce myself"* then do so. She'll usually tell you her name back and stare at you as if you've got a fish growing out of your forehead, to which you respond...
"Well, I've probably bothered you enough. If you want to talk or anything, I'll be around."
Then walk away.

yep, LEAVE HER.

It usually takes about 15 minutes, but she'll track you down.
If she doesn't, at least you haven't wasted half the evening boring some girl who isn't interested, and wasting money on drinks for her.

* Make sure your not completely sloshed at this point, or staring at her boobs or some such.

Careful with this one though, its a good way to get into relationships though.
If you just looking for "one-night stand" type lines here's a few I've seen work.
"Kiss Me! Its my birthday" (say this one aloud to the entire bar, and you'd be suprised at the number of women who will, and the number of free drinks you'll acquire -- Don't use this one too often)
"Look, I'm realy lousy at pick-up lines, how about we pretend I've just used one that works."
Some times (if your lucky) they'll ask you "Well, what kind of line would that be?"
say "Ummmm, something like "So, do you come here often?" but better..."
within no time you'll both be laughing about all the lousy pick-up lines you've both used/heard.