h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Chics don't do chatup lines... chicks just wait for the blondes to leave.

Uh-huh.

Laydeez just wait for all the corniest lines to come their way and then pick the one from the guy they most like the look of.

In the equality stakes most women also opted not to be equal in heavy, dirty industries like coal mining or steel working too (I only say most) which in my opinion is very sensible.

I once heard that a certain actor (who shall remain nameless) has this problem. This leads me to wonder if he has to learn his lines twice, once when drunk and once when sober, just to be certain.

"State Dependant Learning."

This IS the answer. Basically memory is an electro-chemical reaction, so any chemicals involved in creating the memory (and the amounts there-of) are required to retreive the memory. To remember the things you did while drunk, you will simply have to get drunk again, then the assenign things you said/did will come flooding back. Unfortunately they will seem like perfectly rational things to do/say, since you will be completely piss-tanked again though. This the reason why, while drunk certain things you normally would remember don't come to you as easily. This also why you should never study for exams while drunk, unless you plan on writting the exam while drunk too.

This is an over simplification, of course, because other factors come into play. Memories are sort of thrown onto a pile, and to retrieve them, you must follow the same path to retreive them. The more you retreive a given memory (such as your phone Number) the path to it is strengthened and easier to find. If the memory is rarely retrieved (your Mother In Law's Birthday, for example) the path to it is weaker. So to get to the "Man was I 'FACED" memories, you might have to cut through a pile of memories related to your last vacation in Cleveland. If the vacation in Cleveland memories aren't ones you retreive all that often (and realy, why would they be) then it might be more difficult to retrieve the memories behind them. This is also why, when thinking of one thing (i.e. your last trip to Cleveland) you suddenly remember something completely unrelated (Like how much of an ass you truly were last thursday at the pub).

Actually it's all down to the alcohol bear - the big invisible bear that materializes magically after a few pints, creeps up behind you, knocks you out (causing the headache the next morning) and then uses your unconscious body like a big puppet/ ventriloquists dummy - dancing you around the pub, knocking drinks over and putting words (corny lines) into your mouth.

If you're really unlucky it will also steal your money, leave a kebab in your pocket, vomit on you and leave a really ugly woman in your bed.

The best line I ever heard from an alcohol bear was in Australia, where a "root" is the sexual act:

Hi, ever been tripped up by a tree branch? No? How about a root?

From one who has held mostly jobs in male-dominated fields most of her life... erm... no comment.

The alcohol bear's a nice concept. I guess he shows up right about the time we used to call the "f*** - it point. This is the part of the evening where the previously gentle slope of the alcohol against time graph suddenly turns into a near cliff. You know the scene:

"What about another drink?"
"Better not - my last bus is in 10 minutes."
"You could get a taxi."
"Well I...(f*** - it point here)...okay then!"

You then proceed to dance with the bear for the rest of the evening.

What wash the qwweeston again?

I thought the f***-it point was aka "Last Call" ... where all the 2s turn into 10s and you say "F***-it, I'll take anything!"

Are we talking drinks here, or women? (or guys if you're a woman, which I'm not, erm... or guys if you're gay...or women if you're a gay woman, or...uh...I'll just go shoot myself)

Let's just keep in mind the slight difference between men and women here... as you all probably know if you think about it, men are into what we might call 'availability' i.e. going after a girl where success might seem likely, while women actually have a more or less complete choice. If you don't believe me, then just try this yourself;
If an ordinary looking woman (not ugly, but not stunning either) stands up in a bar just before closing time and says "I'm going home now. Would anyone like to come spend the night?" half the single men in the bar will stand up, but if a guy does the very same thing not a single woman will stand up...
Go figure..?

Well, no wonder I was single for the better part of my early twenties.

My God, that's incredible - I never realised that women and men look at these things differently.

If (I think it was) Ginger is serious about equality then it should be us guys who get to start to pick and choose.

The girls meanwhile should be out for whatever they can get, fair's fair Ginger!

Well.. I'm not ginger, but...

You all -can- pick and choose... you just choose not to.

Not that at some point in their life most women haven't 'taken what they could get' ...

Oh! You guys do that too, then?

Of course we do....But then, afterwards, we wonder why we DIDN'T blank it out......
My favorite drunken line was "Pardon me, but would you mind if I suffocated myself in your cleavage?"

Well... all I can say about that is it's better than

*grunt, nod towards door*

Well, they say that creativity is the soul of getting some....
Now if only someone would erase the memory of the line:
"Hey, baby, what's your sign?"

Embarassingly, that one has been uttered from lips of both genders.