h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The totally moronic drivel consumed by the Great British public every morning (yep, tabloid newspapers) and even worse, people who once read an opinion piece in a particularly lowbrow example of said papers and misquote it to you as gospel truth.

The hysteria generated by said papers in the search for scare stories (especially those based more on 'public opinion' than on any real facts).

Garry Bushell.

The 'Ben Sherman shirt' brigade.

People who try and influence my voting by browbeating me into submission.

The so-called 'Moral Majority'

Self-publicists with little talent beyond glorifying themselves.

Westlife.

Right. I'll stop there before the bile gets too corrosive...

American style motivation and development courses that my bosses are trying to put me on when I keep telling them that as long as I am payed that is the only motivation I will ever need as I am not working for the sake of my health or is my job for the benefit of mankinds development. I am in it for the money as much as the next person and it really p***es me off when the powers that be try to make most jobs something that they are not...IMPORTANT or interesting!!

I thought wearing a t-shirt with wage slave written on it would make them get the point but the stupidity of the human race never fails to amaze me!!


Nothing like job satisfaction is there???

And this is nothing like job satisfaction!

(thought I'd say that before someone else did)

I hate people who call a department meeting to discuss how we all need to "co-operate and work as a team" then pass off all my ideas as their own, and don't give me really really important information.

Bitter? Who me?

I thought that recyling other people's ideas as one's own was one of the major definitions of a manager?

Spitting in public. Especially when it's juicy, multicolored, lumpy phlegm.

Children running amok in stores without adult supervision.

People who allow their dogs to defecate on my lawn.

Drivers who do not signal when making a turn.

ATM machines that are out of cash.

IRS tax forms.

Children running amok in stores _with_ adult supervision.

Managers who put together a really tight project plan so that you have to work every minute going and when you ask them how they reckon that job X is 10 days development time they admit that they just guessed

"Drivers who do not signal when making a turn." And those who wait until the last second.

And their offspring.

And their goldfish.

The alarm on my clock, and it seems, every alarm clock in the world. You know the one I'm talking about - that tinny, high-pitched "errrgh, errrgh, errrgh". Goes right down my spine, even when I hear it on the television and I'm wide awake. Can't stand it. I do my utmost to wake up before it goes off, or just keep shunting the alarm time forward until I think "S**t, I'd better get up before I'm late".

Duncan,
If they had any idea about programming, they wouldn't *be* managers.

So Dilbert is realistic then?

My alarm clock's really irritating. It goes "beep beep beep - beep beep beep - beep beep beep" and over and over and over again it won't let me sleep!!!!!!!!

Still, it gets me up in time for lectures.

Job ads that put the salary down as '£neg' or '£Excellent', when what they really mean is 'We'll pay you as little as we can get away with'.

A subset of this is the management-speak thing wherby if you complain about your money, that's not REALLY the problem, it's just that your job is not satisfying enough. B******s to that! What's really the problem is that I can't meet all my bills because I've been getting 0.2% rises for the past 5 years when inflation has been running at 3% (insert % figures according to your country's economy)

Dilbert sure is realistic, and not just in techy firms - my Mother (ex-teacher) recognises many of the boss steroetypes from people she worked for

Dilbert is fantastic. A true masterpiece of the modern age.

An even greater masterpiece of the modern age is The Far Side...but I digress. Back to annoyances.

People who try to strike up a conversation with me while I'm reading.

Stubbing the areas between one's toes on the furniture.

Small children.

Anyone who uses the phrase "my bad" when they've made a mistake. Your bad what, exactly? Grammar?

The office weirdo. Every business has this character. I think it's a law somewhere. Ours was fired yesterday. Yippee!

My chauffeur

A flat tyre.
Unless his chauffeur is willing to change it for me.
Not that he could. I carry no spare.
Unless his chauffeur has a spare spare.
Oh lord, spare me...rofl...

People who refuse to use "'" properly and make mistakes with "in the 90's" and "the dog was big, it's coat..."

Software applications which change all their hotkeys when a new version comes out...

...or shuffle many of the most common choices between menus.

hangovers (got one!)