A Conversation for Miscellaneous Chat

Tell Us A Joke

Post 17181

paulh. the world is a circus, but why d I have to work without a net?

I told a political joke. Turns out he was on his to getting elected.


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17182

Paigetheoracle

I was talking on the telephone to a zombie friend of mine, when suddenly the line went dead...


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17183

Paigetheoracle

An auctioneer went to see his doctor.
"I am afraid it is not good new Mr Smith, you only have three months to live.
"Three months? Any advance on three months? Going, going, gone, then!"


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17184

logicus tracticus philosophicus

As a kid my mum used to tuck me in - she really wanted a daughter

I just rang the Tinnitus Helpline.

Bloody useless, it just kept ringing and ringing.


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17185

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

Q: What do you call storm-troopers playing Monopoly?
A: Game of Clones.
Q: Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?
A: To get to the Dark Side.
Q: What did Emperor Palpatine say to Darth Vader?
A: Merry Sithmas.
Q: When did Anakin's Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side?
A: In the Sith Grade.
Q: Why do Doctors make the best Jedi? A: Because a Jedi must have (patients) patience.
Q: How is Ducktape like the Force?
A: It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds the galaxy together.
Q: What do you call a potato that has turned to the Dark side?
A: Vader Tots.
Q: What do you call a Sith who won't fight?
A: A Sithy. Q: Why is a Jedi knight never lonely?
A: Because the force is always with him.
Q: What does Kylo Ren serve at a dinner party?
A: First hors d'oeuvres.
Q: Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing and such?
A: At the Darth Maul, of course.
Q: How do Ewoks communicate over long distances?
A: With Ewokie Talkies.
Q: What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber?
A: A Sith-Kabob!
Q: What do you call a Jedi in denial?
A: Obi-Wan Cannot Be.
Q: What do they serve at a Rebel Alliance cantina?
A: Jyn and Juice.
Q: What do you call a nervous Jedi?
A: Panicking Skywalker.




Tell Us A Joke

Post 17186

Paigetheoracle

Ray Parker junior was accused of having a phobia about horned animals but denied this in a reply to a reporter, in which he said "I ain't afraid of no goats!"


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17187

Paigetheoracle

Why are scientists easier to convert to evil than ordinary people? Because they are more interested in dark matter.

What do you call a clown that wants to take over the universe?
Daft invader

If you ring the police, may the force be with you, soon

You can't join the dark and the light side at the same time as Yoda will tell you - only one can you be

What's the difference between a Jedis weapon and a member of the Baywatch team?
One is a light saber and the other is a life saver




Tell Us A Joke

Post 17188

Paigetheoracle

Ray Parker junior was outed as having a fear of the sea but denied it in a radio interview
"I ain't afraid of no coasts."


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Post 17189

Caiman raptor elk - Yes, but what if the box is REALLY big?

The male part of the Baywatch crew are also known as the "Coast Busters"


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Post 17190

Paigetheoracle

Interesting!


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Post 17191

Paigetheoracle

It's better to give than receive - especially if you are a boxer


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Post 17192

Paigetheoracle

Ray Parker junior was accused of being frightened of public speaking
"I ain't afraid of no posts!"


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Post 17193

Paigetheoracle

That should be I ain't afraid of no toasts!

I ain't afraid of no posts, is of course fear of social media


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Post 17194

Paigetheoracle

Captain Kirk was walking along the corridor, when he tripped over the ship's log


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Post 17195

Paigetheoracle

Kirk was on deck, when he slipped and fell, injuring himself.
"Quick, get Bones - I think I may have split my infinitive!"


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Post 17196

paulh. the world is a circus, but why d I have to work without a net?

There was an old trail guide who guided tourists in northern new Hampshire. He was so old, he remembered when the White Mountains had dark hair.


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Post 17197

paulh. the world is a circus, but why d I have to work without a net?

It was time to go to the attic and retrieve the Christmas ornaments that were stored in boxes there. But when I got to the stairs, I saw them fly away.

"Did you see that?" I asked my wife.

"Yes. Obviously, that's a flight of stairs."


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Post 17198

paulh. the world is a circus, but why d I have to work without a net?

Just before the conductor raised his baton, a wino wandered into the concert hall and sat in the back row. He had a bottle in a brown bag. During the concert, he took sips from the bottle, finishing it just as the orchestra played its last notes.

"You have some nerve!" hissed the lady next to him as they stood up to leave. "You drank that whole bottle, at a concert no less!"

"Why shouldn't I?" the wino replied. "It was the Fifth Symphony."


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Post 17199

Paigetheoracle

The police arrested me for molestation. I said that I didn't know where they got that idea as I was a mathematician.
"Is that why you have such a good grasp of figures?" The public prosecutor asked


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17200

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

Q: Who do you call to fix the Pipeline?

A: The Flush!

Q: Why can't Barry lock up the darkness?

A: Because it keeps Zoom-ing away!

Q: Why did the Reverse-Flash decline a sick day?

A: Because he was feeling Wells.


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