A Conversation for Miscellaneous Chat

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Post 17161

Paigetheoracle

What's the difference between a word meaning obligatory and a girl who is a member of the conservative party? One is mandatory and the other is Mandy tory


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Post 17162

Paigetheoracle

I grabbed a ploughmans lunch the other day. He wasn't too happy but I enjoyed it.


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Post 17163

Paigetheoracle

Two Irishmen met after years apart
"Is that you Patrick?"
"No Michael, it's just someone who looks like me"

(Inspired by Spike Milligan and Puckoon).


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Post 17164

Paigetheoracle

Some people's glasses are half full,others are half empty. I am a Cadburys glass and a half type person.


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Post 17165

Caiman raptor elk - Yes, but what if the box is REALLY big?

Glasses are always full of something, unless in the vacuum of space.

The alternative approach: Waiter! This is not my glass. Mine was full.


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Post 17166

Paigetheoracle

What is the slowest marching band in the world? The whelks fusiliers


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Post 17167

Paigetheoracle

I wanted to lose weight, so I emigrated to Finland from Fatland


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Post 17168

Paigetheoracle

I was talking to a friend the other day and I said, you're probably the best person to ask - is it true that people who are as thick as two planks, sleep like logs?

For some reason he hit me


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Post 17169

logicus tracticus philosophicus

VERY INTERESTING FACTS ! !
Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
Where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.


If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:




"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."


You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?


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Post 17170

Paigetheoracle

I can't believe it. My solicitor was imprisoned for doing his job, soliciting


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Post 17171

Paigetheoracle

Great Garbo didn't really say she wanted to be left alone. She was talking to her bank manager and said she wanted to be left a loan.


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Post 17172

Cheerful Dragon

They tried to set up a photo shoot in Liverpool with the cast of the original The Magnificent Seven to promote a new aftershave. Only six of the actors turned up. They found out that...

smiley - musicalnoteYul never wore cologne.smiley - musicalnote


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Post 17173

Paigetheoracle

Is a condemned meat sandwich full of scorned beef?


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Post 17174

Paigetheoracle

Do crooks and nannies hide in nooks and crannies?*

* A Spoonerism turned into a joke, of sorts.


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Post 17175

Paigetheoracle

I feel a right tool! I must have a screw loose, to have bolted down my food but I have nailed my eating habits problem. Yes it is firmly hammered into my mind as a lesson but the overeating has left me with a saw stomach. My wife said you should have known the drill by now (trust her to call a spade, a spade and rake up my past mistakes - look at her laughing at me behind my back, hoe, hoe, hoe; very funny I don't think!).


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Post 17176

Paigetheoracle

What do you call a large mammal with a tatty coat? Fred Bear


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Post 17177

Paigetheoracle

A man stole my garden gate. When I accused him of it, he took a fence.


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Post 17178

paulh. Antisocial distancing works a well as the Social kind

An animal hospital was between a weather man and a fireworks factory. One night the fireworks accidentally were st off, causing the animal hospital to blow up. The weather man experienced a rare meteorological event: it was raining cats and dogs.


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Post 17179

Caiman raptor elk - Yes, but what if the box is REALLY big?

A man looking in the mirror a lot isn't vain, just very brave...


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Post 17180

Rosa Baggins daughter of Pronto Baggins and Mimosa Bunce

Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
A: "You can't tuna fish."
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she will Let it go.


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