A Conversation for Miscellaneous Chat

Tell Us A Joke

Post 17121

Paigetheoracle

"Don't you think the world's most famous pop group have an appropriate name?"
"What pop group?"
"The Beat-alls"


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Post 17122

Paigetheoracle

I had a bet with a friend that Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle wasn't that uncertain, so set up an experiment to prove it. We argued for hours about what we'd find. Then when we opened the box. I of course won because the cat had suffocated to death


Removed

Post 17123

felyciatan

This post has been removed.


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Post 17124

hammondorgan

I've always been musical, but just recently I've been getting an irresistible urge to sin the Lion Sleeps Tonight, can't resist it, it's only a whim away.


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Post 17125

paulh. I write captions for pictures of cats. The shame! The shame!

If the lion is king of the forest, does that make it his reignforest?


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Post 17126

Is mise Duncan

Apparently you can hear the blood flowing in your veins,
but only if you listen varicosely.


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Post 17127

Recumbentman

Ba doom tish! smiley - drumroll

While I'm here I'd better post a whimsy:

What did George Frideric's son say?

Handel's m'sire.


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Post 17128

paulh. I write captions for pictures of cats. The shame! The shame!

Someone asked Handel to set the Water music to lyrics and arrange it for a chorus on a galley. It would be an oaratorio.


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Post 17129

Is mise Duncan

I went up to Belfast and visited the Titanic exhibition to see how it was built.
It was riveting.


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Post 17130

paulh. I write captions for pictures of cats. The shame! The shame!

Did the fast food shops there sell souvenirs of the iceberg, putting chunks of it between two loaves of bread and calling them iceburgers?


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Post 17131

Recumbentman

A favourite whimsy of my father's:

They said it couldn't be done!
With a smile he buckled to it,
And tackled the job that couldn't be done
And couldn't do it.


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Post 17132

paulh. I write captions for pictures of cats. The shame! The shame!

"Will your aunt's funeral be open-casket or closed-casket?"

"Remains to be seen."


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Post 17133

paulh. I write captions for pictures of cats. The shame! The shame!

I have a policy of not killing spiders unless they walk across my table and start eating the flies that are in my soup


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Post 17134

logicus tracticus philosophicus

man who was driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night as the sound continues. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave.Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."The man sa,ys, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk."The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks."In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."The monks reply, "You have obtained the wisdom of which we asked and have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound......But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.


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Post 17135

Caiman raptor elk - Infinity lies outside the box

You can tell me. I'm a monk on my free time.

Hang on... I don't have any free time...


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Post 17136

Is mise Duncan

What is Forest Gump's password?

'1forest1'


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Post 17137

Kasian

interesting


Removed

Post 17138

Kasian

This post has been removed.


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Post 17139

paulh. I write captions for pictures of cats. The shame! The shame!

I used to think "For rest" was the mattress section in Gump's department store. smiley - blush


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Post 17140

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

Q. What did Counsellor Troi say to the EMH?
A. You're projecting again.

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekker?
A. You know Deanna Troi can feel your pain.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. Don't you just hate sci-fi time paradox jokes?


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