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Post 16941

Santragenius V

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R!
We missed the R!
We missed the R!"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was..
CELEBRATE"


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Post 16942

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

Q. Why do cows gaze at the night sky?
A. To look for the Milky Way.


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Post 16943

logicus tracticus philosophicus

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”


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Post 16944

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

What's the difference between a cabbage and a camel?

I don't know.

Remind me not to send you to the store to buy cabbages.


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Post 16945

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants


"President Roland Krunk and his wife are here tonight."

"But she's a giant toad."

"She crossed over from the 12th Dimension. Ony toads can survive there."

"Yikes! She just ate a lobbyist!"

"Toads get hungry."

"What's stopping her from eating Krunk?"

"Indigestion."


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Post 16946

logicus tracticus philosophicus

Just brought a new strimmer. Its cutting hedge technology


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Post 16947

Santragenius V

smiley - laugh

Doctor, there's a patient on line one. He says he's invisible...

Well, tell him I can't see him right now!


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Post 16948

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

What do you call a poker player who hides cards in his bandanna?

Scarf Ace.


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Post 16949

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

When is a wizard not a wizard?

When he turns into his driveway


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Post 16950

Icy North

Q. What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snowman?

A. Frostbite


(The train guard announced that one over the tannoy this evening)


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Post 16951

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

What do call an existentialist who's part crow and part cow?

Cawmoo


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Post 16952

Santragenius V

Heard about that new band called 1023 MB? They haven't had any gigs yet....


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Post 16953

The Liquid Warrior (Vescere bracis meis)

Politics
Meaning Poly from many
Ticks meaning blood sucking leeches


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Post 16954

DoctorMO (Keeper of the Computer, Guru, Community Artist)

Pravo, a solid nerdy joke.


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Post 16955

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

Someone told me their parrot had swallowed a watch.

I asked why.

"Polly ticks," they explained.


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Post 16956

Santragenius V

A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: "Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person."

The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow asked: "Just look at you -- you have no legs!"

The old gent smiled: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"

"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled: "Therefore, I can never beat you!"


She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: "Are you still good in bed?"

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"


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Post 16957

Rosa Baggins, (see LOTR appendix Hobbits Family trees for more information)

Q: What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?
A: Flood lights!



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Post 16958

paulh, not fond of Lord Mudpants

Then there's the one about the two onions who went into the salad bar to get pickled.


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Post 16959

Pink Paisley

My Granny died on her 100th birthday. Took us all by surprise. We were giving her the bumps and we had only got to 50.

PP.


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Post 16960

The Liquid Warrior (Vescere bracis meis)

TEACHER: You weren't at school yesterday, Billy. Why not?
BILLY: My grand dad got burned.
TEACHER: Oh I'm sorry to hear that, was it bad?
BILLY: They don't mess about at the crematorium.


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