h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

05/06/99
Hello there, I'm sitting here wondering if I'm going to get a computer for Christmas and why I'm seeing Yogi bear in the bumps on the ceiling. Maybe I've just been staring at the ceiling for too long. I don't know. On to more interesting stuff. I wonder if I'm going to get some money if I mow the lawn on the 11th.... Oh well, bye now.

05/07/99
Hello, I just got back from Pinky's Pizza and I'm stuffed! I can't wait until I get outta school, I mean, who in their right mind likes school?? Anywho, I really don't understand why my life is so freaking hard, why am I here? Why do I have to go through this hell if I'm just going to die in 60 or so years? Am I going to get a new computer for Christmas? I gotta go, mom is yelling at me to turn the light out and go to bed.

05/08/99
Hello, I'm back. I don't have that much to say except that when I got home from visiting with my dad and just oozed into my bed and slept because my brain was sore form all the math I had to do. I must say I'm really pissed at my dad because he left and hardly ever does anything fun with me. Oh well, I gotta get to bed, bye now.

05/09/99
Hello there, I hope you had a good day. I'm going to fill this up with blahs now. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! Goodbye now.

05/10/99
Hello there. Guess what I'm downloading from Hotline! Oh fine, I'll tell you. WORMS ARMAGEDDON! This is the game I have been waiting for. Right after I saw the site for it, I wanted it. It has all-new, never-before-seen weapons like the sheep launcher, postal strike (a flying mailbox drops explosive letters on whatever you target), French sheep strike (A jet flies over and drops flaming sheep on the target), Patsy's Magic Bullet (glorified homing missile that avoids stuff), Aqua sheep (A super sheep with a snorkeling gear), and the MB bomb (A balloon with high explosives strapped to it). Please note that this is a very cartoony game, they even have things like "poof" and "biff" inside the explosion bubbles, the only reason I like it is because it's really funny, that's all. Wow! That took up a lot of space! Bye now.

05/13/99
Hello again, I just got home from riding my bike way too far, and I'm really tired. I can't believe that the local deli stopped selling Storm! I mean, it's the best soda I've ever had, and they just stopped selling it?! Oh well, I can always get one at Safeway. Oops, gotta go, time for bed.

05/14/99
Hi, I just got off the computer downstairs and I need to do some major homework. Back to the computer. I found this really cool demo of a game called RollerCoaster Tycoon. It's like SimCity in the fact that you build stuff and make lots of cash, but that's where the similarities end. In RCTycoon you work on building the ultimate theme park, complete with roller coasters of all types. From wooden to steel coasters, you'll always find the right coaster for the job. You even need to keep the guests happy by feeding them, giving them drinks, even building Porta-Potties for them. Oh well, I gotta go feed the cats, later.

05/15/99
Hello there, I can't really thin of much to say right now, but I guess I'll keep talking. Anyway, as I was saying, I don't have that much talk about, aside from the fact that the server I was downloading Worms Armageddon is down, so I guess I won't be able to get it for free. Until next time, Steve.

05/16/99
Hello, and welcome back to, well, this. I can't really say much right now because I don't have anything to say other than I really want Worms Armageddon to be sold at a price I can afford in the stores, but I doubt it will be, so I'll start saving my cash until it comes out in the US. Until then, all I have to say is, "Total Wormage forever!"

05/17/99
Hello, guess what I saw today at K-Mart! Three birds picking bugs outta the grill of one of those big trucks. It was pretty interesting, one of the birds jumped onto the front bumper, then pecked at the fried bugs. After a few seconds, he or she jumped up onto a piece of chrome in the bumper, enabling it to get at some more bugs. All in all I think it was pretty interesting to watch. 'Night.

05/18/99
Hey, guess what I found out. Oh fine, I might as well tell you. Well, David is going to be having a party on Friday and I'm going! I can't wait! On a lighter note, I don't know if I'm grounded or not, but when I ask my mom how long I'm grounded, she says to ask her later and she's too upset to talk about it, even if I ask her when she gets home! I can't believe it! On a better note, I found one of those ads where you get two computer games for $1.00 each, but then you need to buy four more games at the regular price over the next two years. The part about the four games over the next couple years was hidden in the fine print at the bottom of the page. I would estimate that the size of the type in fine print is about size 2 or 3, while the rest of the type is about 12 or 14. I mean, they lure you in with big headlines and snag you with hidden charges. Talk about false advertising! On an even better note, I can't even TALK about my favorite computer games at school, and it's all because of those freaking kids who shot up that one school in Colorado! On the other hand, I don't really talk about Total Annihilation or Worms Armageddon with anyone at school anyways. On a nicer note (really!), I found some cool new units for Total Annihilation! One is the Dragon's Claw, it's a pop-up laser tower or something, and when retracted it looks like a normal Dragon's Tooth. On a sour note, I CAN'T FIND WORMS ARMAGEDDON FOR DOWNLOAD ANYWHERE! THE SERVER KEITH GAVE ME IS DOWN AND SO IS THE OTHER SERVER I WAS DOWNLOADING IT FROM!!! With that out of the way, I'll try and find something else to talk about...hmm, no.....nah, that's won't do.....I believe I'm out of ideas.....nope, I'm not....nope, not that......that'll never do....I don't know what to talk about........................................................Oh, here's something! I found out that Taco Bell, KFC, and Pizza Hut are joining forces and starting a contest where you could instantly win something like a hovercraft that looks like a speeder from that new Star Wars movie, I wonder what I'll do if I win that, maybe I'll drive it to school, or over to Santa Rosa, or over to my dad's house because he owes me around, um, at least $100 from doing math, or I'll take it out on a lake and hover there. I don't really know what I'll do if I win it. Oh well, the odds of winning are around 1,000,000,000,000 to 1 or something like that. I could always try for one of the three $1,000,000 cash prizes and buy a whole new computer or something like that, or I could buy a Zap thing for my bike and zip around town with that on my bike, or I could always try for the food prizes, but I really want to win that hovercraft so I can, well, mess around. Gotta go, bye.

Kid.

Take a calming bath with essential oils or something.
And don't berate drinking until you're old enough to know what it's like.