h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I once found a very big wasp (about twice the normal size) in our conservatory. There were three obvious options:
1. Leave it to find it's own way out.
2. Retrieve the can of Raid from under the sink and get two for the price of one solvent abuse and ozone destruction.
3. Attempt to hit it with a rolled up newspaper and kill it before it stung me.
I took option 4. Catch it in a jam jar and throw it out of the door.

This was surprisingly very easy to do. Having hurled it out of the jar down the side of the house, I then put the jar down and walked through to the back garden. As I reached the corner of the house, the wasp came back round the corner where I had just thrown it, heading straight for my face.
I swatted at it, but missed.
It kept coming.
In a panic, I shut my eyes and spun quickly to the side. I head-butted the wall of the house very hard, cutting open my forehead on the Tyrolean finish and giving myself a headache. I don't know where the wasp went.

Later my family asked how I had cut myself. I lied. I then spent the rest of the afternoon sitting under the apple tree with a two-by-four, swatting drunken wasps as they staggered out of the rotting apples. It didn't stop me feeling stupid, but revenge feels good.