A Conversation for A Safety Brief for visitors to Darwin, Australia,

A657100 A Safety Brief for Visitors to Darwin Australia

Post 1

nuts2you

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A657100

This is to replace the previously misleading title.

Sorry for the confusion.

nuts2you


A657100 A Safety Brief for Visitors to Darwin Australia

Post 2

Jezery (Keeper of cute, cuddly little rottweilers)

As a resident of Darwin, I'm finding it a little hard to judge this article objectively. While superficially correct, I feel sorry for you if that is all you saw.

I suppose I can understand why a 'city-slicker' who is reliant on entertainment being provided for them didn't get any further than the bars on Mitchell Street.

Darwin, like many places in the tropics, is where Mother Nature shows her extremes. Watching things go green overnight as the first rains hit after the dry is magical. Places like Kakadu National Park and the Katherine Gorge are world-renowned natural heritage areas for good reason.

Yes we have crocodiles and stingers (box jelly fish), and no we don't swim at our beaches. But the vast majority of tourist accommodation, even camping grounds, will have at least one pool and virtually every indoor venue is air-conditioned.

If you were aiming to produce a humourous piece, I don't think you are quite there yet. However, 'instructive, informative and factual' (to quote from the writing guidelines) it aint!


A657100 A Safety Brief for Visitors to Darwin Australia

Post 3

Nightshade, Guardian Angel and Grey Lady

'causing several cases of horrific scaring' scarring
'Darwin are totaly un aware of the rest of the world' totally unaware
'have even been know to become quite viloent when you ' violent
'category is the Visitors These people move ' visitors. These
'Darwin with starteling elacrity. They ' startling
'elacrity. They all disgourge from the ' Disgorge?
'jobs rarely last long, usualy just ' usually
'quickly and with a silver toung try ' tongue?
'tickets to 'places they cant get to' can't
'their jobs so they dont need to give the ' don't
'and it will, think carefuly about why ' carefully
'that offer cheep food for travelers' cheap
'receive a meal are common place in the ' commonplace
Please put this through a spellchecker. Also try to keep your entry balanced.


A657100 A rather sarcastic description of a place I've never visited

Post 4

Spiff

Hi nuts2you

I found this piece rather disappointing, I'm afraid. There are some funny moments but overall I agree with Nightshade that the balance is not right.

It can be entertaining to describe some of the dangers and pitfalls to be avoided in a little-known place but I feel there is a danger of descending into sarcasm and even mildly offensive condescension.

If I were a proud resident of Darwin, Au, I think I might not take particularly kindly to:

"The first category is that of the Locals. These people are by virtue of their life of isolation in the remote corner that is Darwin are totaly un aware(sic) of the rest of the world. They have even been know to become quite viloent(sic) when you tell them that Darwin isn't the only place in the world."

If that is the effect you want to achieve, by all means. I would recommend a rethink if you want to produce an edited entry, though.


On a practical note, here are a few sp mistakes and/or typos that weren't on the list:

elacrity - alacrity (sorry Nightshade!)

croccodile - crocodile

silver toung - tongue

to often or to loud - too often or too loud

Usage of disgorge - The subject of disgorge (transitive verb) actually vomits something forth. In this case it is the buses and planes that disgorge their passengers.

---------

Personally, I wouldn't expect to see this in the edited guide (at least not without some kind of 'foil' article describing the city in a more down-to-earth and balanced way.)

Not trying to be mean at all, just stating my view, smiley - smiley

Spiff

smiley - ufo


A657100 A rather sarcastic description of a place I've never visited

Post 5

Dancer (put your advert here)

I think that if someone will write something, nuts2you will incorperate it into the entry and credit you, is that true nuts2you, and if so, do you want this thread moved to the Writing workshop?

smiley - hsif
Dancer


A657100 A rather sarcastic description of a place I've never visited

Post 6

Nightshade, Guardian Angel and Grey Lady

Sorry.


A657100 A Safety Brief for Visitors to Darwin

Post 7

nuts2you

Thanks all for the editorial comment. I will make the spelling corrections shortly and fix up the other grammar probs as well.

This next bit is hard to say with out sounding petty but give me a chance and take this in the tone it is intended.

I have lived in Darwin for two years now and I have been out and around and seen the place. I have been to Kakadu, Litchfield, Katherine etc as suggested and I saw it all. I have not by any stretch of the imagination been stuck on Mitchell Street for my two years here.

Yes this piece does contain sarcasm. It is clear from the start that this is the case and it is my view.

As suggested by Dancer, if someone wants to write the counter point to my offering then I believe that these could easily be incorporated into one entry.

If someone wants to provide the other half of this entry then please do and I will put them together.

Thanks

nuts2you


If you're going to hung for a lamb...

Post 8

Spiff

...although I suppose that would be New Zealand!

Hi nuts2you,

<>

Understood. This is not intended to be a tourism brochure for Darwin! smiley - smiley

One thing I would say, though, is that it is NOT as "clear from the start" as you seem to say. Perhaps, though this may seem to contradict other comments from me, you could lay it on even thicker in the opening paragraph. That way no-one who was hoping for some genuine tips for visiting the town would be misled into thinking they were in the right place.

Just a thought. smiley - smiley

Spiff


Darwin Australia rewrite

Post 9

nuts2you

Thanks all.
I have run this through a spell check and it should be smiley - smiley now.
I will have a go at changing the tone shortly but any toher comments are appreciated.

nuts2you


Darwin Australia rewrite

Post 10

Dancer (put your advert here)

There's no rule against sarcasm, but an edited entry *must* be both balanced (showing both positive and negetive sides in as much an unbiased view as possible) and Factual!

Is the entry unbiased and factual?

smiley - hsif
Dancer


Darwin Australia rewrite

Post 11

nuts2you

The Bias of this article is towards the nagative aspects of Darwin. It is factual in just about every aspect except my view of the locals. They have seen the outside world on TV but they are afraid of it.

nuts2you


Darwin Australia rewrite

Post 12

Lonnytunes - Winter Is Here

nuts2you, you may like to combine some stuff I wrote a few months ago...

Katherine to Darwin in one day's drive. Road trains, termite mounds, smouldering bush and the needle occasionally brushing 160. We spend the evening with friends, Kiwis who found their way here a couple of years back and loved it enough to buy a house and settle down. Their palm-fringed backyard is fragrant with frangipani, mangoes and eucalypts. Fruitbats dart just beyond the light. A family of goannas used to live near the garage. The whole house, including interior walls, opens up like a louvre window to get the air circulating during the hottest months. The carpets were taken up because they squelched.

It's a nice town, rebuilt and modern after Cyclone Tracy wiped it out in 1974, and obviously full of freaks, like all places at the end of long roads with nowhere else to go. People pull in here and just stay. In the morning we have coffee at the, Roma Bar on Cavenagh St, recommended to us variously by locals and former locals as "the place where the hoi polloi hangs out" and "communist party HQ as far as the establishment is concerned". The owner's brother ran the royal commission into corruption in Queensland in the early 1980s. Good coffee, too.

There is more at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A644023


Thread Moved

Post 13

h2g2 auto-messages

Editorial Note: This conversation has been moved from 'Peer Review' to 'A Safety Brief for visitors to Darwin, Australia,'.


This thread has been moved out of the Peer Review Forum because your entry has now been recommended for the Edited Guide.

You can find out what will happen to your entry here: http://www.h2g2.com/SubEditors-Process

Congratulations!


Thread Moved

Post 14

Lonnytunes - Winter Is Here

nuts2you, your splendid opus will now be sent to a sub editor for a bit of final polishing. This process normally takes about four weeks. When it is returned to h2g2 Towers the yarn will then appear on the front page (after about another week) and your life will never be the same again.

Well done.

smiley - sheep


Thread Moved

Post 15

Zarquon's Singing Fish!

I liked this one. Congratulations. smiley - bubbly

smiley - fishsmiley - musicalnotesmiley - holly


Darwin Australia rewrite

Post 16

nuts2you

Thanks for the input. I am planning to write a piece about the NT in general soon and I will look you up for comment when I actually get it started.

Thanks

nuts2you


Key: Complain about this post