A Conversation for A Safety Brief for visitors to Darwin, Australia,
A657100 A Safety Brief for Visitors to Darwin Australia
nuts2you Started conversation Nov 16, 2001
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A657100
This is to replace the previously misleading title.
Sorry for the confusion.
nuts2you
A657100 A Safety Brief for Visitors to Darwin Australia
Jezery (Keeper of cute, cuddly little rottweilers) Posted Nov 17, 2001
As a resident of Darwin, I'm finding it a little hard to judge this article objectively. While superficially correct, I feel sorry for you if that is all you saw.
I suppose I can understand why a 'city-slicker' who is reliant on entertainment being provided for them didn't get any further than the bars on Mitchell Street.
Darwin, like many places in the tropics, is where Mother Nature shows her extremes. Watching things go green overnight as the first rains hit after the dry is magical. Places like Kakadu National Park and the Katherine Gorge are world-renowned natural heritage areas for good reason.
Yes we have crocodiles and stingers (box jelly fish), and no we don't swim at our beaches. But the vast majority of tourist accommodation, even camping grounds, will have at least one pool and virtually every indoor venue is air-conditioned.
If you were aiming to produce a humourous piece, I don't think you are quite there yet. However, 'instructive, informative and factual' (to quote from the writing guidelines) it aint!
A657100 A Safety Brief for Visitors to Darwin Australia
Nightshade, Guardian Angel and Grey Lady Posted Nov 17, 2001
'causing several cases of horrific scaring' scarring
'Darwin are totaly un aware of the rest of the world' totally unaware
'have even been know to become quite viloent when you ' violent
'category is the Visitors These people move ' visitors. These
'Darwin with starteling elacrity. They ' startling
'elacrity. They all disgourge from the ' Disgorge?
'jobs rarely last long, usualy just ' usually
'quickly and with a silver toung try ' tongue?
'tickets to 'places they cant get to' can't
'their jobs so they dont need to give the ' don't
'and it will, think carefuly about why ' carefully
'that offer cheep food for travelers' cheap
'receive a meal are common place in the ' commonplace
Please put this through a spellchecker. Also try to keep your entry balanced.
A657100 A rather sarcastic description of a place I've never visited
Spiff Posted Nov 17, 2001
Hi nuts2you
I found this piece rather disappointing, I'm afraid. There are some funny moments but overall I agree with Nightshade that the balance is not right.
It can be entertaining to describe some of the dangers and pitfalls to be avoided in a little-known place but I feel there is a danger of descending into sarcasm and even mildly offensive condescension.
If I were a proud resident of Darwin, Au, I think I might not take particularly kindly to:
"The first category is that of the Locals. These people are by virtue of their life of isolation in the remote corner that is Darwin are totaly un aware(sic) of the rest of the world. They have even been know to become quite viloent(sic) when you tell them that Darwin isn't the only place in the world."
If that is the effect you want to achieve, by all means. I would recommend a rethink if you want to produce an edited entry, though.
On a practical note, here are a few sp mistakes and/or typos that weren't on the list:
elacrity - alacrity (sorry Nightshade!)
croccodile - crocodile
silver toung - tongue
to often or to loud - too often or too loud
Usage of disgorge - The subject of disgorge (transitive verb) actually vomits something forth. In this case it is the buses and planes that disgorge their passengers.
---------
Personally, I wouldn't expect to see this in the edited guide (at least not without some kind of 'foil' article describing the city in a more down-to-earth and balanced way.)
Not trying to be mean at all, just stating my view,
Spiff
A657100 A rather sarcastic description of a place I've never visited
Dancer (put your advert here) Posted Nov 17, 2001
I think that if someone will write something, nuts2you will incorperate it into the entry and credit you, is that true nuts2you, and if so, do you want this thread moved to the Writing workshop?
Dancer
A657100 A rather sarcastic description of a place I've never visited
Nightshade, Guardian Angel and Grey Lady Posted Nov 19, 2001
Sorry.
A657100 A Safety Brief for Visitors to Darwin
nuts2you Posted Nov 19, 2001
Thanks all for the editorial comment. I will make the spelling corrections shortly and fix up the other grammar probs as well.
This next bit is hard to say with out sounding petty but give me a chance and take this in the tone it is intended.
I have lived in Darwin for two years now and I have been out and around and seen the place. I have been to Kakadu, Litchfield, Katherine etc as suggested and I saw it all. I have not by any stretch of the imagination been stuck on Mitchell Street for my two years here.
Yes this piece does contain sarcasm. It is clear from the start that this is the case and it is my view.
As suggested by Dancer, if someone wants to write the counter point to my offering then I believe that these could easily be incorporated into one entry.
If someone wants to provide the other half of this entry then please do and I will put them together.
Thanks
nuts2you
If you're going to hung for a lamb...
Spiff Posted Nov 19, 2001
...although I suppose that would be New Zealand!
Hi nuts2you,
<>
Understood. This is not intended to be a tourism brochure for Darwin!
One thing I would say, though, is that it is NOT as "clear from the start" as you seem to say. Perhaps, though this may seem to contradict other comments from me, you could lay it on even thicker in the opening paragraph. That way no-one who was hoping for some genuine tips for visiting the town would be misled into thinking they were in the right place.
Just a thought.
Spiff
Darwin Australia rewrite
nuts2you Posted Dec 6, 2001
Thanks all.
I have run this through a spell check and it should be now.
I will have a go at changing the tone shortly but any toher comments are appreciated.
nuts2you
Darwin Australia rewrite
Dancer (put your advert here) Posted Dec 8, 2001
There's no rule against sarcasm, but an edited entry *must* be both balanced (showing both positive and negetive sides in as much an unbiased view as possible) and Factual!
Is the entry unbiased and factual?
Dancer
Darwin Australia rewrite
nuts2you Posted Dec 15, 2001
The Bias of this article is towards the nagative aspects of Darwin. It is factual in just about every aspect except my view of the locals. They have seen the outside world on TV but they are afraid of it.
nuts2you
Darwin Australia rewrite
Lonnytunes - Winter Is Here Posted Dec 17, 2001
nuts2you, you may like to combine some stuff I wrote a few months ago...
Katherine to Darwin in one day's drive. Road trains, termite mounds, smouldering bush and the needle occasionally brushing 160. We spend the evening with friends, Kiwis who found their way here a couple of years back and loved it enough to buy a house and settle down. Their palm-fringed backyard is fragrant with frangipani, mangoes and eucalypts. Fruitbats dart just beyond the light. A family of goannas used to live near the garage. The whole house, including interior walls, opens up like a louvre window to get the air circulating during the hottest months. The carpets were taken up because they squelched.
It's a nice town, rebuilt and modern after Cyclone Tracy wiped it out in 1974, and obviously full of freaks, like all places at the end of long roads with nowhere else to go. People pull in here and just stay. In the morning we have coffee at the, Roma Bar on Cavenagh St, recommended to us variously by locals and former locals as "the place where the hoi polloi hangs out" and "communist party HQ as far as the establishment is concerned". The owner's brother ran the royal commission into corruption in Queensland in the early 1980s. Good coffee, too.
There is more at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A644023
Thread Moved
h2g2 auto-messages Posted Dec 20, 2001
Editorial Note: This conversation has been moved from 'Peer Review' to 'A Safety Brief for visitors to Darwin, Australia,'.
This thread has been moved out of the Peer Review Forum because your entry has now been recommended for the Edited Guide.
You can find out what will happen to your entry here: http://www.h2g2.com/SubEditors-Process
Congratulations!
Thread Moved
Lonnytunes - Winter Is Here Posted Dec 20, 2001
nuts2you, your splendid opus will now be sent to a sub editor for a bit of final polishing. This process normally takes about four weeks. When it is returned to h2g2 Towers the yarn will then appear on the front page (after about another week) and your life will never be the same again.
Well done.
Darwin Australia rewrite
nuts2you Posted Dec 22, 2001
Thanks for the input. I am planning to write a piece about the NT in general soon and I will look you up for comment when I actually get it started.
Thanks
nuts2you
Key: Complain about this post
A657100 A Safety Brief for Visitors to Darwin Australia
- 1: nuts2you (Nov 16, 2001)
- 2: Jezery (Keeper of cute, cuddly little rottweilers) (Nov 17, 2001)
- 3: Nightshade, Guardian Angel and Grey Lady (Nov 17, 2001)
- 4: Spiff (Nov 17, 2001)
- 5: Dancer (put your advert here) (Nov 17, 2001)
- 6: Nightshade, Guardian Angel and Grey Lady (Nov 19, 2001)
- 7: nuts2you (Nov 19, 2001)
- 8: Spiff (Nov 19, 2001)
- 9: nuts2you (Dec 6, 2001)
- 10: Dancer (put your advert here) (Dec 8, 2001)
- 11: nuts2you (Dec 15, 2001)
- 12: Lonnytunes - Winter Is Here (Dec 17, 2001)
- 13: h2g2 auto-messages (Dec 20, 2001)
- 14: Lonnytunes - Winter Is Here (Dec 20, 2001)
- 15: Zarquon's Singing Fish! (Dec 20, 2001)
- 16: nuts2you (Dec 22, 2001)
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