h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So I'm sitting here, at my computer, the day before I go off for a weekend of sailing. A whole weekend of something I really do not want to do. Such is the nature of life.

You see, I have a pathological aversion to sailing. There are nautical knots and knots you tie in ropes, and you measure nautical knots by dipping ropes with knots in them into the water (or you used to at least). And there's this big thing swinging around that is more than likely to crack you around the head. And if you're good, you're really good, and if you're bad, you suck. It's the simple truth. And I suck.

And it's costing me fifty quid. And, and this is the bit that really galls me, I have to get up early on a weekend. Before ten o' clock. Really. I spend the entire week waiting for the weekend so that I don't have to drag myself out of bed. I'm spending the weekend- cold no doubt- eating out of rat packs, and learning something I really don't want to.

I'm fine about big ships, don't get seasick and you can sit down without big swingy poles, well, swinging around the place. And I'm fine about diving with or without SCUBA gear. It's just, well, when faced with anything in between (punts and rowing boats excepted), I suddenly find myself asking: What on earth are motors for?

I find myself asking a simple question: Why are you doing it if you hate it so much?


Geggs

Combined Cadet Force. Being an NCO I have to.

Ah. Fairenoughski.


Geggs

If you think you suck try this. I have tried to sail with my father in law 3 times.
1 the boat capsized within 3 feet of the shore and I broke the mast.
2 sailed about 1/2 mile got becalmed had to row 3 miles back due to tide
3 get to sailing club, wind increases from light to force 8 in gusts.


I am not destined to go sailing.

That is a rate of failure to be proud of!

they're gonna make me get a qualification. I'm gonna have to learn things! At the weekend!

Sounds like your a bit of a Johna! TK Stick to the dry stuff RK, Just keep your head down and your life jacket on, and dont look at the horizon, it will only make you sea sick Above all..........enjoy it!!!
Smudger.

And I actually want to sail too! I must be daft.

No TK, you are not daft at all, once you get out there that world becomes a totally different place. So peaceful and quiet, just the sound of the wind "crack" as it fills the sail and the sea breaking on the bow!
Ah! I wish I was there now Anyway RK, put your fear aside and go for it, you will never regret it, I promose
Smudger.

It is, however, more likely in my case to be the crack of the boom hitting my head.

Thats why I said, keep your head down
Smudger.

*shudders wetly*

Hmm, rather you than me RK! I am very happy in a narrowboat, on a big ship etc, but the idea of little yachty things fills me with horror. You are quite right about the big swingy stick thing; seems expressly designed to send you flying into the Wet Stuff.

Keep your lifejacket on, enquire about the possibilities of water wings & rubber rings, throw up on the instructor & maybe they will realise your heart's not in it & your stomach certainly isn't.

Good luck

Terri.

Hi all, and thanks for the advice

I got better over the weekend, but I failed to see why it grips so many people. This is me going this way, this is me going that way. This is me calpsizing.

Much more fun was the camping, the time spent off the water was much better! I have no objection to big boats, boats that have motors, but when it comes to sails- well, I now have several bruises on my head. And a qualification, and the knowledge that at some point I will be required to go back.

Well done RK!! If you do have to go back, at least now you will have a far better idea of what to expect I msut admit though I used to enjoy camping myself Its a great way to have fun without too much expense
Smudger.

Absolutely. We were using Army ration packs though, the shortening to "rat" packs if very much warranted. Here's a tip. Never make rehydrated scrambled eggs. Especially if you're going to mix beans in as well.

Also, always pierce the can before heating it on an open flame as one of my oppos found out to his painful cost, when we were out on mountain rescue?? Itsto watch though
Smudger.

Ah well we had centrally cooked meals. Best one was a sort of spicy chicken bolognase, with pasta.

Hey! RK, all "rat" rations along with other pre packed food, ALWAYS taste of chicken
Smudger.

My cousin, an ex war reporter told me of sqaddies in the falklands eating an entire rat pack as a single course, using the then ubiquitous chocolate and buiscuits as the garnish. Appetizing!
He also mentioned something about three day rat packs which make it necessary to pass solids (poo!) every third day. Surely thats a bad idea. Imagine an entire army issued with them at the same time, and the chaos that would occur on the third day!

I dont think even the bravest war reporter would hang about long enough to report on that
Smudger.