h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A two in one journal entry for y'all here:

Part 1: The Great Wearside Turkish Delight Shortage

Sunday's Mother's Day, in the UK at least. My mother, who is visiting me this weekend, is a big fan of Turkish Delight- the proper one, not the one wrapped in chocolate. So I've decided to get her some for mothers day.

Fat chance.

First port of call, Woolworths, who always seem to stock it at Christmas- None.

Then to Tescos Supermarket- zip

Thornton's Sweetshop- Nope.

Debenham's Department store- not a chance

Marks and spencers- nada

Joplings department store- our survey says Err-Err.

The sweetshop near Joplings- "We only do the chocolate covered one, love, but the sweetshop in jackie White's Market might do them". My hopes are raised.

The sweetshop in jackie White's MArket- sorry love, we're having trouble getting hold of the non-chocolate ones lately". Hopes dashed again.

Might have to take a trip out to boldon and look in the ASDA, see if they've got any. of course, i'd have to look *for* the ASDA first, as I've never been to Boldon before...


PART 2: What kind of hat should I buy?

I fel an urge to buy a hat. Mainly because my hair is getting slightly unruly, and I want to be able to hide it under something, I appear to have lost my wooly hat, and baseball caps don't sit on it particularly well.

I also have a bush hat, and a large furry top hat with the Australian flag and Fosters Logo on it.

But what hat should I buy now?

"Sunday's Mother's Day,"

Thanks for the reminder!

B

Thank God for http://www.justdrinkgifts.co.uk

B

don't suppose you've spotted an online turkish delight vendor as well, have you?

http://www.buttermilkfudge.co.uk/subprod/Turkish_Delight_0000188.aspx

All the way from Cornwall.

B

Hmm, doesn't say how long they'd take for delivery.

Well, the site's still got 'Mothers Day' plastered all over it, so I think you'd be OK to order tonight.

B

Just because it's marked "mother's day", doesn't necesarily mean they'll deliver in time for it..

I'll have a mooch, see what I can find out from the site.

With regard to the hat debate, I know a hat is longer lasting, but might a haircut not be more practical?

If I have a haircut I will, as a result, have a cold head, and require a hat anyway.

QED

Back on the turkish delight:

Both Sainsbury and tesco are refusing to let me shop on their websites, insisting that my flat doesn't exist or, if it does, it doesn't have my postcode.

Apparently the only flat in my building is "top Flat". Doesn't take a genius to work out that "top flat" must have at least one other to *PROP IT UP!* Otherwise, you'd judt have one flat, stganding on stitlts! (the back flat does stand on stilts, but that's beside the point)

I had that in the flat I've just sold. The last owner but two had some sort of made-up business on the side as a sort of tax dodge. As a result, the entire building (all 3 flats) was down in the official Royal Mail database as 'Stapleford Clinic, 55 Kimberley Gardens', despite the fact that said bloke had moved out about three years previously.

So every damn time we registered with any sort of company that has one of those databases that they ask you your postcode and house number and then tell you what your address is (which is basically everyone these days, let's face it), we had to argue that we didn't live in a Stapleford Clinic, there wasn't any such thing as a Stapleford Clinic, and the bloke whose scam it was to invent it had departed years ago.

It took about a year and a half of writing to the Council and the Royal Mail to sort it - in the end I had to get us reclassified as a residential address.

But I got my own back on the bloke with the scam for the amount of hassle he'd put me through - little white envelopes kept turning up in his name, and eventually I got curious and opened one. The bailiffs were after him for a couple of hundred quid. I knew from talking to the woman upstairs that he'd only moved a couple of streets away, so I looked him up on the 192.com database that we've got at work, rang the bailiffs and told them where he was.

The flat on stilts sounds like a nice architectural feature, by the way.

Well, it's kind of built over the backyard-my high school library was the same concept.

Maybe your flat used to be a shop? Hence why there's only a top flat.

Alternatively, perhaps you actually have to register with Tesco/Sainsbury at some point...

B

It's obvious. You should buy a vilemba (a Turkish turban). And then give your mum a fedora delight which of course is a delectable jelly in the shape of a hat (preferably licorice flavour).

Egon, cheers for the reminder. I might be nice and actually phone my mother for the first time in three months. On the other hand, I may not. I don't like her much.

As for the hat, you can't go wrong with a beanie. I would choose either army green or black.

I didn't see cl's post then. Freaky.