h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think this needs no further clarification from me.......

I don't do it any more, but a while back there was nothing that entertained me more that going through the phone book phone up every unfortunate name... Mr A. Cockhead probably suffered the most... Oh how I laughed...

"Hello? Mr Gun? BANG! You're fired!"

That's not expecially relevant, but in the same vein we also used to phone pubs and ask for various: Amanda Hugankiss, Isobelle Ringing, Oliver Clothesoff, Mike Rotch, Jock Strap, The list is endless. The best reaction was when I put on an australian accent and asked for Mike Hunt. I should be ashamed of myself...

There will always be bored teenagers - don't name your child something like this!

The firm I work for once had an agent called Mr Coquita.

Went to school with a Mike Hunt and he insisted on being called Michael. In 1980 there was a faux name in the local phone book, apparently put there by the telephone employees. Hugh G. Rection.

I used to work in British Gas with a guy called Bob Schols (pron: skols). Thought nothing of it for years until I looked him up in the company tel list and realised he was R Schols

I used to work for a bank's callcentre (God help me) and livened up the boring hours by looking through the database for customers with Names.

I know this posting could be pulled for obvious reasons, but I felt real sympathy for the fact we had ELEVEN(!) customers in the database called $hitehead. Not "Whitehead" or "Shirehead" but $hitehead, without the dollar sign which I have used to represent a letter "S".

ELEVEN bona fide fully paid up $hiteheads in the UK, all of whom seemed to be in the Midlands, tending towards Rutland and Leicestershire.

It got worse. Somewhere in Strathclyde there is a Doctor F*ck, with a "u" where I have put the asterix. There is also a Miss F*ckermann, also with a U.

as for "Wankers" - twenty-three of those.

What gets me is that a goodly amount of them were on the database as MRS $hitehead, or mrs Wanker, which indicates they were not born with the name but chose to marry into it...well, they saty true love conquers all!

I also got a brisk talking-to in my current job when I set up a demonstration customer file in the name of "Arthur Foxache"... apparently this penny didn't drop until a senior manager read it out loud in a meeting and wondered why supressed giggles were breaking out all around.

I went away from my brisk job consultation suitably chastised and ordered to "replace that name!" in all files.

Thus was born "Ophelia Buttock"....

i know a mrs wheavil. love conquers all...

my littlesister is named Sine and there's nothing unusual about that,
but in her class there are two of them so she is called Sine P.
and this name spelled backwards has given her a nickname that she isn't very fond of.

I would have thought (especially if it happens to be a Math class) that her nickname would be Cosine

I feel bad for a man in my neighborhood. It's bad enough that his last name is Pidd. His parents, (for reasons unbeknownst to me), named the poor boy Stuart. How cruel!