h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There is a chinchilla called Cilla Attila
who wears a long mantilla
when eating a bowl of pilau.
Lives in a replica ancient villa
in the Philippians city of Manilla.
Burns scented candles of vanilla
on a long wooden flotilla
when writing her latest spy Thriller.

Sound the alarm! Ring the bell!
Run from the giant zucchini from Hell!
For weeks it was hidden under a leaf.
The leaf blew away. We all said, "Good grief!"

Now it won't fit through the door.
Giant zucchini, we're at war!

I live in the Coltswolds and a member of the superhero fold
who are very bold when they are told to go and fight the common cold.
They use all sorts of magic spells and potions made from silver and gold
which is melted and added with a tincture made of algae and bread mould.

Bread mold and algae? Think I may vomit.
Then I'll be visiting Wallace and Gromit.

On the Isle of Flying Zombie Skunks
One stormy night I was stranded.
The waves reduced my ship to chunks
Of wood, with which the shore was banded.

The skunks came looking for my brains,
But after such a night, none remains.

Come on Bub, please show your self.
Tell me why are you hiding from me?
Is it because you're putting up my shelf
that you damaged when making tea ?
Could be that you're hiding from Deadpool
and his sidekick Bob who love eating cob
when they're playing pool in the swimming pool!
Could it be because you're still cleaning your oven hob!

Hey it's me Wolverine the dancing queen
who's known as the fighting machine.
165 years old and I still looks like a teenager
and still have the very first electronic pager.
I love gritting my teeth when walking on the heath
with a basketful of sandwiches made with roast beef.
They say I am so tough when playing golf in the rough
but I'm different when cleaning my cuffs eating cream puffs.

Hey it's me Wolverine the dancing queen
who's known as the fighting machine.
165 years old and I still look like a teenager
and still have the very first electronic pager.
I love gritting my teeth when walking on the heath
with a basketful of sandwiches made with roast beef.
They say I am so tough when playing golf in the rough
but I'm so different when cleaning my cuffs eating cream puffs.
I am the coolest member of the Avengers and the X-men.
I've even been a Buddhist monk and I've read the book of f zen.

Deadpool is by the swimming pool
sitting on a bar stool in Istanbul.
He is measuring his swords with a side rule
measuring his swords that make him look cool.
He has now started wearing tuille since last Yule
that has embedded with many precious jewels.
He wades into the water with his racket made by Wilson
which inspires me to write jokes about having a ray gun.
Many say that he is dead funny when he's dressed as a bunny
eating bread spread with honey to help make him pots of money.

Deadpool is by the swimming pool.
Daydreams about being at night school
where he sits on a high stool in Istanbul.
He is measuring his swords with a side rule.
They're imbued with basilisk venom that makes him look cool.
He has now started wearing mithril made tuille since last Yule
that has embedded with many precious jewels.
He wades into the water with his racket made by Wilson
which inspires him to write jokes about having a ray gun.
Many say that he is dead funny when he's dressed as a bunny
eating bread spread with honey to help make him pots of money.

If Deadpool's jokes are so funny,
Why did he have no lines in "Wolverine",
Which seems to have been made to make money,
Though I don't know how much it might mean.

I like to hear you call about the new shopping mall
where you can buy woolen shawls at the market stall.
So in great anticipation and much deliberation
after much meditation on mindfulness practical application.
I've decided that we must follow the Laws of Attraction
so that we'll have plenty of adventure and action.
Through positive thinking that will lead to DNA activation and upgrading
that will lead us to be superior at hair braiding and persuading.

I am h.a.p.p.y. when I put on my bow tie.
It makes me sigh when eating cottage pie
and sipping a large glass of eau de vie
whenever there's a mackerel sky.

I want to live in Durham and learn to drive a tram.
I want to eat roast lamb with roasted yam
and change my name from Sam to Pam
and have a 1930's vintage radiogram.

I just saw the new "Deadpool" trailer.
The lines were not by Norman Mailer.
The jokes might be funny,
Perhaps worth the money.
I just hope the plot isn't staler.

Everyone is finding new ways of racing
to go and buy vintage antique lacing.
Gothic and steam punk clothing and fashion
giving us a new purpose and passion.
The law of attraction which makes us positive
and eliminating everything in our lives that's negative.

You can't spend your life at just one end
of the balance; you need a negative friend
lest you fail to see what might go wrong
and faceplant yourself while singing a song.

Good advice is rare.
It's something to share
With everyone you know,
Whether friend or foe.

Advice, like lentils, goes round a long way.
But few people like it, I'm sorry to say.

Come and join in the Shift of ages
and read the Mayan Prophecy pages
written in books and in tomes
in our communities and in our homes.
Feel the energy flow the earth
as inspiration and new ideas take birth.

When I flew
from Peru
to bring vultures to the zoo
I had to pay double
quadruple and triple
before they let me onboard

- Why is that, I asked the crew
- Let me explain, said one of the stew-
ards: One rule for both man and scavenger:
Only one carrion per passenger...