h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Somehow, in my dream I felt that I could go back in time and ride the Titanic during her ill-fated maiden voyage, even as I knew how it would all come out. There was one more factor in the dream: I wanted to change history, and ensure that everyone got out safely.
This was to be done by bringing along 20 inflatable life rafts capable of carrying up to 100 people each.

In the early part of the dream, I was in the lower part of the ship, as I had booked passage in the economy class. I found myself talking with some middle-aged women who (I knew in advance) would be survivors, so I felt that I would have a good chance of surviving if I played my cards right. In this lower part of the ship, the economy-class passengers like myself knew they would not be fed during the voyage, so the deal was that we would bring our own food. Most of us brought huge numbers of cans of beans and maybe some soup. These cans were all stacked neated along the walls.

One of the middle-aged women was also visiting from the future, and she related how part of the ship did *not* sink all the way to the bottom of the ocean, but stayed afloat and even reached dry land.

At some point, it dawned on me that when it became apparent that there wouldn't be enough lifeboats for everyone, the exits from the lower decks were locked, ensuring that most of the economy-class people would have to go down with the boat. Therefore, while there was time I decided to visit the upper decks, being sure to drag my life rafts with me (somehow they were light enough to carry in a satchel).

I earnestly studied the faces of the other passengers, which were rendered in pale colors, as if derived from old photographs, or from scenes in the film "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow." One way or another, all these people would now be dead, so I was curious to see just what they were like.

The dream ended before we hit the iceberg. I was on the deck looking out at the ocean. There were a few towers where the really rich passengers were staying. The iceberg would be somewhere out there in the darkness, and before long I would be the hero of the hour for providing lifesaving inflatable rafts....

Ah yes those Acme inflatable rafts, one should never go on any sea voyage without one in the rucksack (or backpack if you prefer).

They could be inflated with gas from the canned beans.

With human participation of course -

The trouble is, the beans need a factory to manufacture and release the methane gas - like the human digestive system for example.

This is a true story: Ludwig Wittgenstein, the philosopher, rented 6 months on an Irish island to give him enough privacy to finish one of his books, living solely on industrial-sized cans of baked beans. I don't think he had many visitors. Smart thinking.


jabs

That reminds from a line in the new movie "Doubt," in which the principal of a Catholic school demands to know why the priest called a boy to the rectory. The priest replies that it's a private matter.

The principal replies, "He's twelve years old. What could be private?"

how old was the priest?

In his 50s, maybe?

The movie ends on an ambiguous note. The viewer draws his/her own conclusions.

Perhaps what he refering to was privates.

There is just enough in the movie to make that conclusion possible, but not enough to make it unavoidable. The priest could still be prefectly innocent. As for the principal, she is definitely a control freak, though the last scene reveals that she sometimes has second thoughts.

prefectly innocent?

That was a ing typo.

Yet it still made perfect sense.

Strangely enough, that's about right.

that's why it caught my attention

it's impressive how you make sense even when you mistype, paul

I wish I made sense when I *don't* mistype.

A little bit of nonsense is a good thing, especially these days when
people want everything nice and ordered and understandable.

I suspect that those strange vagrants who wander round muttering to
themselves are probably the sane ones.

"village idiot, he must know something..." (van morrison)

I've been promotedI'm a town idiot

it takes a lot to serve a whole town, does it?