h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have a troubling fear of the cupboard underneath my kichen sink.
Wait, that wasn't an appropriate introduction, let me start again.
You see, I'm rather nervous about my writing, Douglas Adam's being my most favourtie author ever, and myself being a naive and much less witty person then he.
I found out the other day of his passing and spent the rest of the week compulsively cleaning my house. Not by choice, I still live at home and my mom decided it was time for me to compulsively clean the house.
I realized during this period of self analysing and the dangerous inhilation of numerous cleaning products, that everytime I had to fetch something from underneath the kitchen sink, I got pretentious and defensive and guarded myself from a mysterious evil that I believe lives there.
Perhaps it's because I grew up in an apartment building and the cupboard underneath the sink housed an entire community of cockroaches. *shudder*
To a small child, cockroaches are the embodiment of hell itself wrapped into an ugly hell-like bug.
But there are no bugs under this sink. There are however a ridiculous amount of plastic grocery bags, and lots of cleaning products.
Perhaps I believe something evil will reach it's hand out and grab my arm and pull me into an evil world where no cleaning products exist and houses are covered with accumulating dust for centuries on end.
Maybe not.
Either way the floor of the cupboard steeps inwards and it seems unusually suspicious and evil to me. I believe the cupboard has an alterior motive for this slant.
And in return I give it the "evil eye" when I walk past, just to let it know I'm suspicious of it's actions and I refuse to turn a blind eye to the happenings in my house.
Oh dear, slightly off topic again.
I don't yet know anyone on h2g2, but I'm beeming with pride to be a member. I've been telling people all day that I'm a researcher for the guide, and gloat in my superiority, even if they don't know what I'm talking about.
I hope I'll eventually have something worth "beeming" about to say.

You are right to look dread at the under the sink cupboard. This response is a totally natural reaction brought about by genetic memory from our distant past. It is not widely known today but for eons our ancesters were hunted by slanted cupboard enities that nearly wiped out the human race. If it were not for the heroic actions of "BOB the cupboard slayer" in 10,042 bc virtually wipeing out the maroving cupboards, humans would no longer walk the earth. On that date cupboards were forever banished to "under the sink". In the future when you look under the sink at that slanted cupboard yes keep that healthy fear but be proud you are human and it was humans who put them there. Go in peace.

As you have not yet activated the intro section of your user/home page, I cannot 'officially' welcome you. The button that allows someone to do that is not created until you actually edit your page.

When you do edit your intro, I or another ACE will probably contact you with a message similar to this:

I hope you are enjoying yourself here. I am an Assistant Community Editor, (ACE), one of a group of volunteers who mooch about introducing newcomers to the site, offering help and generally making nuisances of ourselves

Many of us are a bit dazed and sad right now due to the sudden passing of Douglas Adams, the wonderfully mad genius who inspired this incredible place. If you wish to leave a message of condolence, please visit his personal page at: http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A5932

If you need a little more help finding your way around, please visit http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A537932, which has links to various interesting and informational places at h2g2

Also, feel free to drop by my page http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/U167550 any time to chat or ask a question

Your journal entry is . I, too, regard the area under my kitchen sink with a certain trepidation

Tal

tal I just wanted to pass on some info that has come my wy lately conerning "under the sink cupboards". It has come to my attention that if you send a copy of the letter to every living being on the planet earth "under the sink cupboards" will never again burden your thoughts. This is real do not ignore this. On Febuary 2 1972 Harold Snodpuk did and he was mortally wounded by an exploding seagull. This you say could just be coincidence. But again on July 12,1991 one Jane budwinkle recieved this same letter warning her and she laughed it off. Only one day later she was hit by a six pound chunk of frozen poop drooped by a passing space shuttle. This is my first of 6 billion letters but already the fear subsides. go in peace

Well... that's better than going to pieces

And I see that you have been officially welcomed

BTW, there is a chain letter going around to the effect that if you receive it you may be abducted by Vogons

sorry about the many typos i have become addicted to spell check programs. I did not notice the spelling or for that the composition of the message until i read your reply. Thank you for the welcome. Stay in one piece.