h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I must admit Jones is my idol
To do little or nil is his ideal
For to just think and sit
Is too much for that twit
He prefers instead just being idle

'Tis near fifteen minutes to go
'Til the cast will commence with the show
'Fore each man with horse
('Bout twenty five Norse)
'Round the course, all in a row

Hello, is there anyone there?
Drop us some lines if you dare
High art would be fine
Or some rubbish like mine
As long as it rhymes, I don't care

First the hamburger brought Hamburg fame,
Then for Frankfurt the frank did the same;
But my search through the map's
Unsuccessful==perhaps
Beefburg's nowhere, just somebody's name?

A silly young fellow named Madigan
Went on a trip to the Vatican.
He laid out a rope
For to trip up the Pope
But the Pope said, "I shan't fall for that again!"

Ten dingy old pieces of eight
Fell out of his hands through a grate
That's how it goes
For luckless fellows
When "can't win for losin's" your fate

Ten pieces of eight, so you say?
That's a buck and a quarter today.
What we call two bits,
When it sits in our mitts,
Is a quarter to me every day.

So, tell me, what is a quarter in quid?
Can it buy me a full plate of squid?
A telephone call?
Get Fido a ball?
Or purchase some toys for my kid?

The Canadian dollar is fine,
A quarter of that is divine,
To change that to pounds
You must do the rounds
Of a number like point one one nine.

Each business day generates new rows
Of rates-of-exchange at the bureaus:
Try here* if you're stuck
And you'll find what your buck
Gets in Sterling, in CADs or in Euros

* http://www.x-rates.com/calculator.html

Today US$1 is worth £0.57, CA$1.19, €0.85.

While selling cell phones door to door
I noticed my job was a bore
"How 'bout a phone?"
I'd endlessly drone
They'd say "NO" and I'd try one more

Then one day I tried a new trick
I started by talking real quick
Flashed them some phones
Played all the ring tones
And I left with a sale just that slick

I sold more than four guys combined
My technique, fool proof and refined
If you let me in
As certain as sin
Before I left you would be signed

Four cell phone seller fellers combined?
That's quite the technique you've divined.
I'll not let you in,
Even meet at the Inn
'Til you've fully and finally resigned.

(Oh yes and Recumbentman, that site *still* says a Canadian quarter is .119 of a Brit Pound.)

No phone? Well then how about some cheese?
I've a wonderous selection of these
Bleu curds from Tibet
The best Muenster yet
A Swiss that's gauranteed to please

I know what you need. A car!
In one of these you will go far
Sporty and sleek
The women will freak
I'll get the keys, stay where you are

Greeting cards, magazines, toys
Presents for good girls and boys
Chocolate for your wife
The trip of your life
Headphones that block out all noise

You're glad that I came, I can see
Your life will be grand thanks to me
Sign here next to this
And your life will be bliss
Of the neighborhood, you'll be the envy

When Beckett was over the hill
His wit made the odd stirrings still.
He held "less is more"
For a truth, but his score
Never changed—Questions: one, Answers: nil.

F103872?thread=1676615

The Yogabike's crippled I fear
The spine-twister slips in fouth gear
It's headstand is bent
It'll take every cent
That I have to reengineer

If I refold the wheel to an "s"
Stretch the sprocket three inches, no less
Give the bender a tweak
Meditate for a week
I might yet just salvage this mess

It's not like this bike has instructions
To heal it's unusual functions
I'm alone with my mind
What parts I can find
And duct tape for hard to reach junctions

Merry Christmas my friends, and good wishes
Rest in peace, if you sleep with the fishes
Let the solstice sun shine
Your Kwanzaa be devine
And may somebody help with the dishes

You were born, and you gave your first cry;
You'll be borne to your rest when you die;
And your soul, say the seers,
Freed from this vale of tears,
Will transcend the last bourn by and by.

Happy New Year to all our lurkers

I remember once passing through here
But I didn`t linger I fear
Why not I can`t tell
There`s worse places to dwell
So I`ll wish all a Happy New Year....