h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

11 or 12 years ago, shortly after we'd moved onto a hill in the next most northerly range from here, we returned from a family walk across the fields to find a 's (complete with horns) sitting menacingly on the doorstep, beside a piece of slate on which were scratched the words

___________________

|DIE |
||
| THE BLACK WITCHES |
||
___________________


It's obviously worse on this side of the border...

This morning I opened the front door to put out the plants and was confronted by a human grinning up at me from the doorstep.

I believe it was a sending from a place filled with hard grey stone and mournful wailing sounds drifting through eerie fogs...



Aberdeen.

Thanks Peet .

I've stuck him on top of the TV for the nonce, 'cos there won't be room between the gargoyles on the windowsill till Lurch and Owl have built me another 8m of drystone wall.

Perhaps you could build it into the wall!

If you got someone to do facial reconbstruction, may be it would fit well with the gargoyles

The 's and various and are on and in the walls on either side of the front door but unfortunately poor Yorick's only soft plastic filled with foam. He'd be blown away in an instant.

He can go on the windowsill in the lounge as soon as the plants move out but first I'll need that drystone wall to retain the soil in the raised bed. Then I'll have to scrounge some more stable manure from the neigh-buzz, empty my oldest compost heap and open all those bags of leafmould I've been cooking .

THEN it should really be left to settle for a few months, but who has time for that?

The only time I tried to make leafmould in black sacks, I ended up with just a smelly mess.

Did you punch airholes?

I hope mine isn't a smelly mess.

Lurch has just said I can have his when he kicks the bucket. I was thinking purrhaps I could have his entire skeleton wired together and then keep him hanging around.
Do you think that would be allowed?

Are you sure the original message wasn't from an illerate who'd seen your multi-coloured hairdo ?

And it should have been DYE IT BLACK WHICH IS NICER ? Obviously the sheep had eaten some of it.