h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As many of you know, this city girl has decided to open a home for wayward chickens… actually just the one chicken but you get the idea…

Anyway – Henny Penny, as she’s come to be called, seems to be enjoying her new life. Some bits of it a tad too much. Particularly the canines in her surroundings it seems.

Now doesn’t chase the subjects in her dogdom. I like to say it’s because she’s so well behaved but most likely it’s just that she’s too darn old to be bothered with pursuing poultry on the hoof when she gets the ready roasted variety all the time from her human servants.

This is not so of the neighbors’ dalmation. Now said dalmation has an electronic fence that, when crossed, will give her a slight jolt under her collar. Henny Penny seems to have realized this and enjoys antagonizing the poor spotted pooch. She’ll wait just near the fence line and cackle, walking back and forth, until she’s attracted the attention of this cerebrally challenged spot, then make a mighty flapping leap into the holly trees, letting spot zap herself brainless on the fence. Is it any wonder the dog is dense – she’s killing brain cells with each lunge!

This morning, as I was stumbling into the kitchen to get my caffeine IV running, I happened to look out the window just in time to catch what might be the chase of a lifetime. It appears that, fed up with the feathered comedienne, the spotty one decided to endure the zapping and give chase. Henny Penny, all aflap and shrieking like her beak was on fire, half-hopped and half-flew wildly across the yard with a spotty streak hot on her tail feathers!

Deciding my newly found family member was more important than proper caffeination ( but not by much) I also gave chase, along with , who was moving as fast as her 15 year old paws would carry her. I stopped the spotted assailant, much to the delight of the flappy cackler, and earned a look of winded disdain from Her Royal Dogness, who may have had a biscuit or two and some spare kibble riding on the dalmation in a neighborhood canine gambling pool.

In any case – mad cackler still resides in the holly tree, which is a good thing because it turns out chicken feed only comes in 50 lb sacks so I have enough to last for years. The spotted marauder is back in her yard (after I removed her zappy collar, hauled her back across the line then replaced the collar in a feeble attempt to protect my chicken) and is once again holding audience, sitting regally on the deck and hearing complaints from her feathered subjects. All is right in the dogdom.

Has anyone ever told you what a fantastic storyteller you are?

I can just see the damation taking off after HP, and looking at you afterwards.


Better keep an eye on things though, because it's possilbe the damation's owner's forgot to turn on the electronic fence when they let her out.

Has HP seen fit to leave you any more eggs? I think she owes you several hundred dozen of them for saving her life like that!

She only paid rent the one time... in' chicken...

The fence was working.. the dalmation runs it now and then because she seems to prefer us to her own people. I'll just remove her zap collar and walk her across the fenceline then replace the collar.

Still it was an interesting thing to awake to - particularly having moved here from NYC where chicken were a rarity outside a bun and breading.

"Has anyone ever told you what a fantastic storyteller you are?"

Batty, you are Tom Waits and I claim my $5

Nothing quite like a morning and aerobic work out.

Who is Tom Waits?

Tom Waits is some kind of folk singer.



That's a great sory, Batty.

Just goes to show how unpredictable and and can be.

Life is certainly interesting... especially when the poultry misbehaves..

Some evenings we'll sit on the deck sipping wine and chatting about the day's events. Henny Penny will decide to antagonize her favorite victim, the ditzy dalmation. She'll go walking through the dog's yard, near the edge of the electronic fence, clucking her head off. When the dog comes to get her she'll flap her way into the holly tree and just cackle away, laughing at the poor zapped pooch.

There was a squirrel who would torment our hounds by chattering and then running up the tree the second the dogs reached the end of their tie out chains.

Dad started referring to the squirrel as "Stew".

Chickens know how to have fun, apparently.

A while ago there was a squirrel who would do that to one of my cats. He'd sit on the window sill glaring at the cat and chattering while the cat would stalk his way to the window.

Tha cat would pounce, splattering himself against the window panes, and the squirrel would just sit there giggling his furry little head off, while the cat would sulk off into the bedroom to recover from the bruised feline ego.

Sounds like Penny, Faith, and the geese (well, if it weren't for the leash)

When I saw the subject in my list, I thought it was 2legs' journal--Congrats on the

Tom Wiats is so much more than just a singer and songwriter - he's a true raconteur and one of the best storytellers I know of.

"Actually, this song is inspired by an old friend of mine named Larry Beezer who, er... I was staying at the Tropicana Hotel *small amount of audience applause* and I got a knock on the door very late... was that a clap for the Tropicana? Excellent. I don't think I got any new towels for the whole... nine years I was there. But I never asked. I didn't want to upset anybody. This is about... what was it about again? Oh yeah, the car. Alright... Beezer. Beezer came over at about 2am, he said 'I'm on a date, she's only 17, and I've got to get her back to Pasadena and all I've got left on the car is reverse'. I said 'How can I help?'. He said 'I need gas money', so he sold me a couple of jokes and he said 'You can have these jokes and you don't even have to tell folks that they're mine cos you paid for 'em fer Christs's sake'. And I said 'That sounds like a good deal to me'. Anyway, he drove her home in reverse on the Pasadena freeway, in the slow lane. I think they should give awards for that type of thing."

Of course, the delivery is 90% of what makes any story a good one

Tropicana? For a minute, I thought that was the same hotel that they used as the setting for "Some like it hot," but that was supposed to be in Florida. Then you mentioned the Pasadena Freeway, which would be in California. Driving in reverse from Florida to California would be quite a feat.

Squirrels?

Evil little beasts! I saw a home video of one in London which got INSIDE a street vending machine, dragged a Peanut Snickers OUT (via the dispensing drawer!) ran across a road, and under a parked van, where it ate the loot!

The film was set in Florida Paul, but the hotel used for the location shoot is actually in San Diego http://www.travel2sandiego.com/ so the drive to Pasadena in reverse is just about feasible in the middle of the night

did he manage to lower the mileage on the odometer?

I go down to the kitchen this morning and am greeted by an inquisitive "bok bok bok????" coming from the deck. Penny was snacking away at her feed and needed company apparently so I got a cup of coffee and sat on the deck. We conversed about the goings on since we had last seen each other and in particular the plight caused by one marauding dalmation.

I calmly (or rather as calmly as one can look when conversing with a chicken) advised her that if she were to leave the poor spotted moron alone she'd really be much better off. To which she of course asked what precisely I suggested she do with her long days in the holly tree.

I think this rather explains her tendancy to go walkabout. She'll disappear for several days (sometimes up to a week) and just when we think she has become a lovely, if somewhat tough, pargegiana she'll show up at the back deck again, poking her beak in the back door and asking "bok bok bok??"

*has a sudden urge to watch a Foghorn Leghorn cartoon*

Maybe HP needs a pet to occupy her time.

what kind of pet does one buy for a free range (or at least free neighborhood) chicken?

Guinea pig?