h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Could it be? Ah, no
Alas it is not to be
What I thought it was

Next: Ancient Egypt, falcon, moon

ancient Egypt: a
falcon was thought to eat the
moon, causing phases.

(not based on any actual facts, i just made that up.)

gumbo, bears, and talking pigs

Both Babe and Wilbur
Discus eating gumbo with
Tiny Bears. Charlotte?

Next: Addictions, restrictions, contradictions

Give me more of less,
I must not do what I don't,
Now the Haiku starts.

nt: custards, mustards, bustards.

Mustard is quite good
But it's not good on custard,
You stupid bustard

nt: cows, brows, and plows

Cows furrow their brows
When sent to pull the long plows
Through the frozen earth

Next: Bears, pears, and chairs

a bear stands on a
chair to pluck from a pear tree,
since he can't climb trees.

stars, watching from afar, spar

change that last line to "since he cannot climb"

Stars, standing, watching
in the distance whilst people
enter the open spar


NT's: Bride Wide ride.

A wide bride rode out,
searching for her husband fair,
a small skinny groom.

nt: Mackeral, Tackle, Haggle.

Quarterbacks haggle
over mackerel at fifty-
yard line, then tackle!

Next topics: dolls, malls, and squalls

Barbie, in a squall
Saught shelter in a big mall
And was trampled flat.

Next: Dance, trance, France, and stance.

Dancing to French trance
music does necessitate
assuming a stance.

Um... that was four, I think. Probably why it's so crap, eh?

Next topics: ICBMs, toads, and hovercraft.

Anglais Patriotique

Toads in hovercraft
send ICBMs against
alien frogships.

Next topics: Invasion by clowns from another planet

The clowns came in ships
And shot at us with ray guns
And stole all our Spam.

Next: WWII and pies.

Due to rationing,
We would eat pies made out of:
egg, glue, dust and grass.

nt: Invasion of the lorry snatchers.

The lorry snatchers
Snatched all of our lorries and
Now we can't transport

Next: Cargo, VanGough, and Gas-N-Go

"Need Gas. Got cargo
for Van Gogh's plastic surgeon-"
"What have we ear then?"

nt: drastic fantastic plastic.

Fantastic Plastic
Splats; and must be hindered with
Drastic elastic

Next: Comatose, commas, toast