h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Man Utd lucked out with the fixture list. All three of promoted teams in a row.

Disgraceful.

Lousy Gods, looking after our rivals as usual.

Also, I saw Mourinho the other day complaining that Chelsea have to play City, Liverpool and Arsenal immediately after CL matches. And nobody pointed out that all those clubs will have played a CL game too.

Also, now that Scotland has finally decided that it isn't a proper country, I guess FIFA can now simply close down that international team of theirs.

Good old Scotland. The only nation in history to reject independence probably.

I wasn't sure we classed Scotland'a national team as associated with football anyway.

As for Mourinho, I hate him. And how can he complain when they have Satan servicing them?

Chelsea aren't entitled to complain about anything.

They're a nothing club who have managed to hoover up numerous trophies because a billionaire fancied a hobby.

Nobody takes those trophies seriously anyway.

True Jack, they spent a lot of money for nothing really.



Abramovich can still save football though and sack Mourinho for a second time.

Man Utd Comedy Club is back open.

It sure is, Mac.

That was brilliant.

Especially as I got a text from a United fan about 60 seconds after they went 2 up saying 'we're back'.

Sadly I'm on a training course tomorrow so I won't be able to take the piss out of all the lads but the bloke who sent me that text is on the course with me. There will be no escape for him.

I've already sent him a text asking him to explain how a team can have a strike force that is almost, but not quite, as good as Barcelona's and a defence that is almost, but not quite, as good as Crystal Palace's.

He hasn't replied so I guess I'll just have to ask him face to face tomorrow.

Talk Tuesday.

Sorry to butt in, guys, but, well, I just *had* to comment...

I 'd *so* hard in the car at the news of the 5-3 defeat of The Rags.

I then did the same thing when Lampard scored for us...

Oopsie.

CTID Mags

Mags, that's quite understandable.

They were 1-3 up.

Jack, it's a shame you only have one of them to berate today but that does mean the humiliation can extend all in the week. And of course this midweek all the big clubs are playing in the League Cup.

Morning.

I didn't bother waiting for tea break. Just went on the attack as soon as I got in.

And very enjoyable it was too.

Morning Jack. Going in to attack with no other plan sounds a lot like Sunday's game.

Pretty much, Mac.

But I knew I was safe from counter attacks. The lads are so distraught they're not even trying to argue their point.

Maybe they on't actually have a point. I mean....five. Against Leicester. After spending 150 million.

Gary Neville reckons they need to spend another 100 million...

And they held a two goal lead. Twice!

If it was us not sure what I would do.

The lopsided nature of their team is like some kid playing Football Manager.

Only 100 million, Mags?

I reckon maybe more. They've got a lopsided squad that has a strike force that's almost, but not quite, as good as Barcelona or real Madrid and a defence that's almost, but not quite, as good as Burnley or West Brom.

Mac, surely even an eighteen month old kid would organise a better defence on Football manager than VAn Gaal has at OT.

No doubt the fans are already pining for the relative glory days of David Moyes.

Maybe we gloated a bit too much.

Maybe Mac.

As soon as I saw the line ups I figured we could be in trouble. Did nobody tell Ronald Koeman that you're supposed to play an entire team of fringe players and kids in this competition?

He obviously doesn't understand the competition being a Johnny Foreigner.



Our backline.

Somebody said it was schoolboy defending. Well er, they ARE all schoolboys.

When Calum Chambers is our best known and most reliable defender you know we're in trouble.

It's a hell of a start for Ospina. What did Wenger say to him? 'Time for your debut, mate. We're up against one of the most in form PL teams and you've got a back four who were born after the Spice Girls broke up to protect you. Best of luck.'



Tea break time. It certainly won't be as much fun today.