h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hello. i am in some confusion and my problem is this, who is this Mat? why do u have an obsession with him? is he god? and can i talk to you if my name doesn't happen to be that which i have just mentioned several times and therefore don't want to unecessarily repeat. oh and what is the amazement with the first three letters of the alphabet? why a) b) c) and not x) y) z). i ask only because i am stupid and must be told. thank u for your time.
p.s i am not evil or insane. neither am i both. thank you.
p.p.s a reply would be appreciated. thank you again.
p.p.p.s yes i do like cake. are u offering?

Don't worry. Everything is under control.
Matt is a figment of my imagination.
I am a figment of your imagination.
Go and buy your own cake. Battenberg is nice. You'll like the colours. They are soothing.

Good answer steve "by your own cake" 'Battenburg' nice one from Matt from school!

And I can guarantee that Matt is not God. HIS name is Peetie, and HE is a figment of my imagination... a bit of mustard, a piece of cheese...Bon apetit!

I like cheese but not mustard. I never said Matt was God. You can ask him if you like.

Hi Matt

Its Steve from school.
Nothing wrong with battenberg. I agree that shouting "fault" is annoying. Have you tried out the emulator? Anyway, I thought you were a figment of my imagination.

Arthur Dentist

My brother's called Steve. Who is this Matt? Oh yeah, someone else asked that. I am evil and insane, although I am evil in a nice way. I will now ask a really boring question and hopefully get some really boring answers back, so here goes. What is the petrol etc situation like where all of you people live? I am a boarder in a school in Wales (Monmouth) and apparently there is no petrol in the whole of Wales or west England and I would quite like to go home this weekend and I may not be able to . Will someone feel sorry for me please as I may not be able to. Also, would anyone like a cat? They look like this: ^. .^, and you can put it on your page with a link to my page and say I gave it to you. In return you have to give it a name and a good home. No feeding required. Phoenix has one called M'Lara, and it has a pet fish. It is a supporter of the save the h2g2 fish campaign. I'm so sorry if all of this is completely irrelevant and boring but I do try. Honestly. I'm going to leave you all in peace now, goodbye.

Do I have to put all the patron saint stuff at the beginning? If I do, here it is:
Clelba (Patron Saint of Chocolate Cats
I normally write in plain text so I can't include a link to your page.

^..^

I have called the cat Clelba. It is cute and has black spots on its feet. (The rest of its body is white.) Sorry I haven't got a real cat but a chocolate one might do (???)
Petrol here is running out. My friends who get a bus to school say the bus has 2 days left so school may be a bit empty

Bye

Arthur Dentist

How sweet, you named a cat after me! You should learn GuideML, it's really simple once you know how. Go to the GuideML clinic to learn. Our headmistress said that "she assures us that the school will stay open" which is a bit b*****y really. I wanna go home!!! I really hope my mum manages to get some sort of petrol by the weekend. I'll phone her tomight and ask. I live in Herefordshire by the way. I go to Haberdashers' Monmouth School for Girls. Sounds a it pretentious, doesn't it? I normally just say Monmouth Girl's School, or even simpler, HMSG. What's your school?

right let's say we go back a few statements. How can i be a figment of ne 1's imagination when u r all in fact a figment of mine???? and how can that be god's name when god is actually female?????? y'know that old chestnut, when god created man she was only joking!? hmmmmmm.and where the hell did the cats come from god dammit!!!!!!!!!

i changed my mind i am evil. tomorrow i might be insane i haven't decided yet.

I have looked at GuideML and it looks quite easy. can you still do this etc?

My school is called Furze Platt Senior School. It's just an average school. I did go to a Grammar School but we've recently moved and there were no places at ANY of the local schools

I live in Maidenhead if you don't know already (which I suspect you probably do so this is pointless, even more so now I am rattling on. )

Hope your school does close I need another holiday already!

The cats come from me. I give them as presents to people on the condition that they give them a good home.

About your school, AD, what kind of school is it? and yes you can still do etc but you have to do it like this: <SMILEY TYPE="fish"/> and stuff. It's all there in the clinic.

Leave the cats out of this. I may be a figment, I may not. I will decide tomorrow. At the moment I am mental, knowing I have IT, Biology, Chemistry and Maths homework still to do - all in 2 hours!

I may decide to wake up and find this is all a dream. I don't know.

Bye

Arthur Dentist

My school is just an ordinary run-of-the-mill school. Not too bad as the national average goes, but I'm hoping to go to a school called Sir William Borlase's Grammar School soon. Possibly for the sixth form(if I survive that long ).
I'll definetely try to use GuideML. Looks easy.

Bye for now

Arthur Dentist

P.S. Going offline to do homework now Seeya later!

silly, I did all my homework before I came on the computer. And no you don't have to bother with all the patron saint stuff. It just looks good at th top of the message.

hmmmmmm i have decided. tomorrow i will be insane AND evil and kill my maths teacher so maths homework will be unnecessary!!

good idea. I'll kill mine too, although I have already done my maths homework AND stuck a picture on the bottom. My Maths teacher is evil. He's really mean to everyone and gets really stressy, like a male version of PMT all month round. I think we should have a national "Kill the Maths Teacher Day".

To clarify your misconceptions re God: GOD is a male named Peetie. I believe you are thinking of the Daughter of the MOG, and she is here, too. And then there is the Illegitimate Daughter of the MOG...coming soon. We all like cats, and work with Magnolia Thunderpussy at her home for wayward kitties.

eh?