h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Jim Henson - Storyteller and Puppet Master - A87797191
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

A Flea Market Rescue:
Original Entry: Jim Henson - Muppeteer, Filmmaker, Television Producer - A2553969
Original Author: Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups - U231227

To quote Opti on the original entry's submission:
'Opti proudly presents Jim Henson in association with the letter J.'

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I notice that in the original Peer Review, it was claimed that this entry was rather similar to the entry "http://www.answers.com/topic/jim-henson" with the suggestion that it might have been copied from it. Both the person who wrote this and the person who made the claim are long gone from h2g2, but it would be worth checking out whether the entry was copied or not.

I went through Opti's original, the http://www.answers.com/topic/jim-henson website and wikipedia with a fine-tooth comb trying to remove anything of Opti's that could potentially have come from either of those websites, which is why, other than the overall structure, there is less of Opti's original entry here than I had originally intended to include.

There were certainly similarities, but most of it was paraphrasing. In any case there is a limit to the number of ways you can write basic facts like 'Jim Henson created the Muppets' before you end up sounding like Yoda...

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I think this is a very interesting Entry and well written.

>>>>James Maury Henson was born on 24 September, 1936 in King’s Daughters Hospital, Greenville in Mississippi, Paul and Betty Henson's second son of parents.


remove [of parents]


>>> Jim's hobbies as a child were swimming, cycling and [seeing films at the cinema],

change to:

Jim's hobbies as a child were swimming, cycling and [cinema], or [film-going]

>>>>Henson first tried to break into television when he was just 16-years-old in 1952, but was unsuccessful until 1954, when Washington television channel WTOP were searching for puppeteers for their Junior Morning Show.

this would be less clunky as two sentences and edit out double references to his age:

Henson first tried to break into television when he was just 16. He was unsuccessful until two years later,in 1954, when the Washington television channel WTOP were searching for puppeteers for their Junior Morning Show.

>>>>As a notorious work-addict, his children would all later in life assist him with his projects,
As a notorious work-addict, all his children would assist him with his projects,

Remove [later in life]

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Sorry, real life is calling, no time to finish nit picking.

But I just want to say this is a very apt rescue - Henson was such a favourite of old and young. Dad, in his ninetieth year 90, retains very fond memories of the Muppet Show on Sunday afternoons.

This is a good entry, Bluebottle, and well rescued.

I think the structure and content of it are very good.

The section Muppet Babies seems to be about Frank Oz directing a Muppet film. Did this involve Henson? If so, you should bring out his involvement more, so that it doesn't just appear to be an entry about the Muppets.

You hardly mention Labyrinth at all. Although you refer to it earlier, when you get to the place where you should describe it, you just say "When he re-assembled his team to make cult-classic Labyrinth, he was determined to keep the key members of his team together". Rewrite this to mention the fact that he made the film. Also say whether it was successful in the box office or not. Although there is a separate entry about Labyrinth, we still need to know this here, as it is part of Henson's story.

You describe "Dinosaurs", but we're left wondering whether this project was completed and made it to the screen. We do find out at the end of the entry, but it would be good to say this in the section about the project.



There are a good few places where the wording is somewhat odd and you could tweak it, rather than leaving it to a sub-editor to try and figure out, so I'm going to list them here.

Paul and Betty Henson's second son of parents -- something amiss here. I think "of parents" is a left-over from a previous version of this sentence. Perhaps: "the second son of Paul and Betty Henson".

the family originally lived in Leland, however when Jim was ten -- don't use "however" as a conjunction to join two sentences together. "But" is the correct word for that function. "However" is used, normally in second position, to show that the sentence is going a different direction from the previous one:

Paul Henson worked for the US Department of Agriculture and the family originally lived in Leland. When Jim was ten, however, his father moved the family to Hyattsville...

seeing films at the cinema -- I think "watching" would be a better word.

when he was just 16-years-old -- this should be "when he was just 16 years old"

You put in hyphens when you're using a phrase to describe a noun: "the 16-year-old boy".

As a notorious work-addict, his children would all later -- the construction of this doesn't quite work. The phrase "as a notorious work-addict," should be describing what comes after it, but the children are not the notorious work-addict. Perhaps you could say:

"Since Henson was a notorious work-addict..."

his short own films --> his own short films

Kermit also appeared, finally a frog -- I know that everybody knows Kermit, but you have to write as if the reader doesn't know the subject you're describing. As it is written, this is rather cryptic. Find some other way to say this.

his distinctive frilled-collar -- again you don't need the hyphen

"Sesame Street taught children reading, arithmetic and skills in how to look after themselves, with celebrities soon were eager to interact with the Muppets on the show." -- this is two sentences that are not really related. Get rid of "with" in the middle and split it up.

Sesame Street was not partly about the Muppets ..err, yes, Sesame Street was partly about the Muppets. I think what is meant is "Sesame Street was not entirely about the Muppets but also used comedy sketches..."

to guest appear --> to appear as guests

a family-comedy featuring Muppets -- remove the hyphen

free reign --> free rein

Gonzo the Great, a chicken-loving stuntman and Fozzie Bear -- this needs a comma after stuntman to show that Gonzo is the stuntman, otherwise it would mean that three characters, Gonzo, the stuntman and Fozzie were being described.

Lewis Carrol --> Lewis Carroll

"Henson, long been fascinated by dark fantasy and fairytales" -- this doesn't work. The "been" is out of place, but without it the sentence sounds peculiar. Perhaps:

"Henson, for many years fascinated by dark fantasy and fairytales"

"When the show was broadcast in the USA it was shown as part of a 'Jim Henson Hour', designed to sugar-coat the episodes between lighter Muppet banter." -- I'm confused by this. It sounds as if you're saying the dark, unbowdlerised stories were used to add a sugar-coating to the lighter Mupper banter.

Soon after the Creature Workshop, which had survived the 80s mainly by making adverts as well as supporting Henson's own projects, got a break -- this is confusing, because it leaves the reader wanting to find out what happened soon after the Creature Worshop got a break, and there is nothing. You should put a comma after "Soon after", or replace it with "A short while later,".

St John the Devine -- I'm pretty sure that should be "Divine" but you can check.

When you're doing a long list, resist the temptation to put "also" in every entry. In the Legacy list, I can see two places where "also" should be removed.

Thanks Lanza and, of course, the Divine Gnomon. And Tav, I'd love to know how much of Henson's work you are familiar with. After discussing Henson's international success, I'd love to hear some international perspective!

I've made the changes as suggested – as most of the comments were quite straightforward, I see no need to comment on most of them.

Henson's role in Muppets Take Manhattan is included, as is a section on 'Labyrinth' and some more detail on 'Dinosaurs'

I've also reworded the Storyteller sugar-coated section so hopefully it makes sense now. The American television executives felt that The Storyteller needed to be sugar-coated in order to be accepted by an American audience – I'd love to know whether this odd decision was made by the same television executives who had insisted that no-one would be interested in watching a television series about puppets shortly before 'The Muppet Show' became one of the most popular television series made in the world ever...

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When I was a child I loved the Fraggles and when I read your Entry I immediately heard the German theme-song in my mind. I also watched some Muppets, but not much. I think I may have been too little when they were shown on TV and I wasn't born yet when they were invented.
I never saw the Sesame Street when I was a child, I don't think they were ever on on Austrian TV and we didn't have German TV until I was a bit older.

I later watched Dinosauers when my parents were not at home. They didn't approve of Dinosaurs, jsut like they never approved of The Simpsons. But to be honest I don't think I was a great fan of them. Until I read your Entry I also didn't know that Henson had anything to do with them.

I don't think I ever saw any of the movies.

I saw a fair amount of the Muppets as a child – both the television series and all the films. Most of the time I found the Special Guest star part to be a bit dull, as half the time I didn't, and still don't, know who the Special Guest was, especially if they were a well-known American entertainer in the 60s and 70s, which was before I was born. Over the weekend I showed a few episodes of The Muppet Show to my kids (5 and 2) and my 2-year-old daughter especially was very fond of them. She's been carrying my Kermit the Frog toy around for the last couple of days and won't give it back

I don't think Sesame Street is on British television any more (unless it is on satellite somewhere), but it used to be on Channel 4, I think, every day.

My Mum didn't approve of 'Dinosaurs' either, so I only saw a few here and there. That series wasn't my favourite Henson series.

This just leaves us with the question, 'Is Bluebottle a muppet of a man, or merely a manly muppet'?

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If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

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congratulations!

Well done, Opticalillusion

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