h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There you are sick Bob. I can only express my venomous anger. my secret lair was invaded by the squirrels. I barely escaped with my life and my egg clutch. Where were you sick bob?. I called for you, and you were not there. After I rescued you from the clutches of General Kibbles. OK, OK, so you promoted me, and the medal and stuff, but that was above and beyond, and you know it!!!!!. i am currently on the run . Contact me on the usual channels. Not the psychic ones, because the eggs have started hatching and they're giving me a bloody headache.

Hey! Hey!
No-one is abicating anyone. Okay!!

I trusted you Aevil. I didn't think you would stoop to this. The revolution needs to hold together if we are to fight the squirrels. We do not need petty arguments and grudges within our troops.
Anyway. I couldn't help you as I had been ambushed by a small platoon of assault squirrels. I barely saved myself and Mr Snuffles. How was I supposed to help you?
Bringing up the Kibbles incident as well. I didn't just give you a medal for that. You were payed back personally and don't forget it!
Anyway I saved your ass back at the underground acorn storage plant.
You should forget your ambitions to rule the revoltion and instead try to win it by being the best damn soldier you can be. I am offended at your lack of faith in my leadership.

How dare you! I've saved your ass so many times it practically belongs to me!

Hey if anybody owns anybody's ass here! (oh the innuendo!)
Don't ever talk down to me like that again Aevil. You are a high ranking officer and you can be demoted a lot lower than you are if you continue to talk like that!

PS on a personal note. Do you even know who the father of the eggs is?!!!

Well screw you!, Bob. You can't even try to demote me. This isn't a facist army. If you started demoting everyone you pissed off, you wouldn't even have an army.
And as for the deeeply personal comment about the eggs, you know very well who their father is, as you also knoiw that he sacrificed himself for them. after all, how could I lay them all without some extra genetic material. YUM!.